Mens Rasura
by ecaterana
Summary: Newlywed Remus Lupin began his marriage battling poverty and his inlaws. Now he is fighting to keep his marriage afloat as he struggles to explain his wife's pregnancy and to find out who has oblivated her memory and why. Written preHBP.
1. Chapter 1 Who, what, when

I am not J.K. Rowling, so anything that I write is merely speculation for fun and strictly not for profit.

Chapter 1

Who What When

Having carefully settled himself under the heavy eiderdown so as not to wake his wife, he reached over to gently caress her stomach through the fabric of her cotton gown. She had told him again only a few mornings before, right before he had left town again, that she wanted to have a baby, but as usual he had prevaricated. He knew how disappointed she was by his constant refusal even though she would never admit this to him. As he slowly moved his hand back across her hip toward his side, he thought about how she had merely nodded her head and acquiesced without protest as he had carefully explained once more that it had never been shown definitively that a werewolf could safely have a child. Of course there were so few cases of werewolves having children after The Bite that it was hard to know what to expect. It was so rare for a werewolf to live long enough or be accepted enough by normal persons in the wizarding world to remain married after The Bite, let alone begin the entire relationship afterwards. In fact his own marriage was the only exception of which he was aware.

As he rolled back on the bed and stared up at the heavily carved canopy of the bed, he considered whether he should explain more fully to her how deeply the wolf was entwined with himself. So few people, he had told no one yet he thought perhaps his friends had actually guessed, knew the struggle and competing forces that he had inside him. Luckily he had been born with an even temper and had never had a forceful personality. That had helped. The part of him that was wolf had been so obviously distinct from the human that he had found it easier to control than many. But he still didn't know how safe it was to have a child; to expose the child to danger or to risk some part of the werewolf rubbing off or passing on genetically.

Edwina was terribly fragile as it was. He often worried that he would accidentally harm her with a dodgy spell. In fact a child as strongly magical as he had been might be dangerous for her before it learnt to control its magic. As he rolled more onto his side he felt her awake and said softly, "I'm sorry to have waked you, Winnie. I am only just in, but we can talk about it in the morning. Go back to sleep, my love."

"What's going on?"

Remus was surprised by the alarm he heard in his wife's voice, so he said softly, "I came in about a half hour ago. I know I had said I expected to be in by dinner, so I'm sorry you had to go to bed alone again, my love."

He felt Edwina jerk away from him and then saw her leap up and pull as far away from him as she could. "Who are you? What...? Get away from me!"

He pulled himself up from the bed sharply, his head spinning from getting up so quickly. "Winnie? It's me, it's Remus. Calm down darling, it is only me."

"P-p-professor? What are you doing here? Why are you in my room?"

Now thoroughly alarmed, Remus moved to face the hysterical girl. "Edwina this is our room, our house. Are you feeling alright? What is wrong?"

He stepped towards his wife, but she shouted, "Get away - stay back! I don't know what is going on, but I think you'd better get out of my room and the dorm..." Edwina stopped dead and looked wildly round her. "This isn't the dormitory at all. Where am I? What have you done?"

Remus was by this time breathing heavily. With shaking hands that he held out towards Edwina, he gestured as he said, "Winnie, I think we had better take you to see someone, you must be ill."

"No! Don't touch me. Please. Why are you doing this? What am I doing here?" She began to cry as Remus stared in disbelief.

"Edwina, you haven't been at school for over 18 months and we've been married for almost three months now."

"You're lying. You must be lying! Let me go, please. I won't tell anyone, please just let me go." Edwina backed into the corner furthest from where he stood and huddled into the wall with her arms wrapped round her chest.

Remus turned on his heel and with a badly shaking hand grabbed a small very pinch of Floo powder and tossed it into the fire. After a quick glance behind him to check on his wife, Remus called into the flames, "Headmaster Dumbledore." He saw a vague glow on the other side of the grate and called out desperately, "Headmaster, are you there?"

He stood awkwardly, whilst the thought raced through his panicked brain that he should not be contacting the Headmaster about personal affairs and certainly not at this advanced hour. He heard a low voice speak slowly, "What is it Remus?"

Edwina raced forward when she heard Dumbledore's voice, calling out, "Headmaster, please, help me! Don't let him keep me here, please!"

Suddenly Remus saw a weary, alarmed Dumbledore standing in front of the fire. "I'm sorry to wake you, but..."

Edwina tried to push herself forward to the flames, "Please let me go. Let me go! Help me, please!"

Remus and Edwina both stepped back as they saw Headmaster Dumbledore step into the Floo to pass through to their grate. "What is the trouble, Mrs Lupin?"

Remus felt a wave of mortification wash over him for bringing Albus Dumbledore into such a personal matter. He should probably have taken her directly to St. Mungo's by himself. Although she wouldn't have gone with him easily...

"I'm not Mrs Lupin. Don't you remember me, sir? My name is Edwina Leighton. I'm a seventh year Hufflepuff. Please help me, sir."

Dumbledore pulled his cloak more securely round himself and said directly to Remus, "Do get dressed, Remus." He then turned to Edwina and replied in his calmest voice, "I do remember you Miss Leighton, of course. How can I help you?"

"Please take me away from here. I don't know why he has brought me here and he is saying that we are married, but we aren't. We couldn't have been. Please take me home, sir."

"Of course I will help you, Miss Leighton. Perhaps you would be willing to come with me to St. Mungo's and we shall see if we can all sort out what has happened. However I am afraid that this is, in fact, your home and has been since your marriage three months ago."

"But I'm only a student. I tell you I haven't married anyone."

With a gentle nod, Dumbledore replied in a kind tone, "I do understand, Miss Leighton. Nevertheless, would you consent to go with me to hospital? I am fairly certain that everything can be sorted once we are there." Dumbledore saw the girl's furtive glance towards the door of the room and therefore was prepared when she bolted. The light mist that shot out from his wand cushioned her fall as she crumpled to the floor after Remus' Somniculus Curse intercepted her. "Do you have a cloak for her Remus? We have to hurry because I cannot stay long."

"I shouldn't have brought you into this, Albus. I am sorry. I was thinking that she might calm down if she saw you, since she seems to think she is still a student."

"Of course you should have contacted me, Remus. However, we ought to go now."

Remus bent down and picked up his wife before draping a cloak over her limp body. "You needn't come, Albus. I can take her on my own; she isn't going to fight me like this."

Remus could see Dumbledore's whole posture droop and a look of deep sadness pass over the older wizard's face. Dumbledore nodded his head curtly and replied, "Alright, Remus. Inform me of the results." Remus felt a moment of relief that at least he need not endanger Dumbledore's position further by publicly attaching him to Lupin family affairs.

"Thank you, Albus." Remus waited for Dumbledore, who tossed a generous pinch of Floo powder into the flames for him, before stepping into the grate as carefully as possible, since he held his wife in his arms. "Dawson's Tavern, London."

Albus Dumbledore heard the destination and thought sadly that promising students such as Remus Lupin had been should never have been introduced to that crowd and wondered if it had been Sirius Black who had actually found that lot out. He knew immediately that this was, in fact, the answer. Black had been so discontented and angry; so unfortunately sure of his own power.

* * *

Note:

This story is a response to a challenge for a characterisation exercise: The two main canon characters must stay in character at all times, despite both having done something so patently out of character and unlikely as to have married quite young women at approximately the same time (both pretty but not brilliant Hufflepuffs who are probably the last women in wizarding Britain who would to be likely to look for romance in either the fiercely unpleasant Slytherin head of house or a very poor, marginalised academic werewolf). I have chosen to separate the two stories, but they were written at the same time and are loosely connected. The intention is to contrast how differently the two men handle their respective romances and succeed to whatever degree. This story contains only the Lupin plotline with small references to the other story. I have posted the Snape plotline in a separate story.

I appreciate anyone who is taking the time to read my personal exercise. It remains to be judged whether I have succeeded at the challenge, but I hope that someone else enjoys reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

E


	2. Chapter 2 Mens Rector

Chapter 2

Mens Rector

"Memory Obliviated. Very powerful work, too. Yes, very skilfully done and whoever did it did not mean for these memories to be recovered."

"What was used? How was it done?" Arthur Weasley asked anxiously with a glance at the ashen-faced, uncommunicative figure of Remus Lupin.

"Not any standard Memory Charm, no. I suspect _Mens Rector_, actually. I can't be entirely certain, but the _way_ in which these memories were removed is unusual. _Rector_ can leave that pattern when used on an unconscious victim."

"What is the treatment?"

"Oh no treatment, Mr. Weasley. This is irreversible."

Both men heard Remus stir and turned toward him as he asked in a harsh, hoarse voice, "How much time was taken?"

"Ah, yes. Well, that is the interesting thing. Certainly time was taken, but also specific memories were pulled out. There is a mark on the back of her head where the _mnêmoneuma_ was disturbed."

"So something specific was being removed and then time for good measure?"

"Yes, that is the obvious explanation, isn't it? And I do not see any better answer for both procedures having been done. But the good news is that your baby is perfectly safe, Mr Lupin. You and your wife should still be right on schedule for birth in 7 months. I did a precautionary spell on the child in case the strain your wife will undoubtedly feel from the, erm, emotional trauma...well just a preventative measure after all, but I don't expect any complications. Of course you know that your wife's body is extremely delicate, Mr Lupin, so I would suggest that she stay here in hospital for the next few days. Just to monitor, you understand. Witches who have the Breochaid syndrome (Readers: please see note below) always need to be careful, you know."

Arthur saw the expression of complete shock and incomprehension on Remus' face so he spoke in his stead, "Thank you Healer Brownstead. I'm sure that will be fine. When can he visit her?"

"Well we have sedated her for now, so not for several more hours, I should think. But you should expect...well, I think you understand that she is still quite emotional at the moment."

Arthur nodded and looked once more at Remus, who had a desperate, feral look growing in his eyes that caused Arthur to catch his breath and lose track of his thought.

But before Arthur could gather himself, Remus asked in a low, growling voice that surprised both of the other men in the room, "Exactly how far along is my wife, please?"

Arthur peered with dawning comprehension at Remus. He hadn't known_._ The Healer, who seemed to have come to the same realisation, replied, "Erm, eight weeks. We can be certain to within a 36 hour period of the, eh, time, and I should say that it was exactly eight weeks ago from tomorrow."

Arthur noticed a strange, calculating expression pass over Remus' face and suddenly saw Remus' entire demeanour change. Remus stood straighter and looked the Healer meaningfully in the eye. "Thank you."

As though he were suddenly under a pressing emergency, the Healer quickly left Remus and Arthur alone in the waiting area. As the two men stood together in awkward silence, the frank, kind face of Arthur Weasley had formed into an expression of pity and thought uncharacteristic to him. He had not been aware that Edwina Lupin was a Breochaidie. Of course, she had the characteristic petite bone structure and colouring, but so did many British witches. Arthur wondered if Molly had known.

As he wondered what he ought to say, Arthur looked again at Remus and saw that the man was literally shaking from head to foot. Suddenly Arthur had a sense that not only had Remus not known his wife was pregnant, but, and Arthur could not believe that this thought was even passing through his mind; Remus believed that there was a possibility that the baby was not his. Why else had Remus looked quite that way when the Healer had told him the date? But as soon as the thought flashed into Arthur's head, he rejected it outright. Never had he seen a man more blindly, hopelessly in love with his wife than Remus Lupin and Edwina Lupin worshipped her husband. She had looked at Remus with a mixture of such deep hero worship and gratefulness that no one could have mistaken her feelings for Remus. Her devotion to her husband had been painfully abject and deep. If Arthur had privately thought that the power balance in the relationship was unhealthy, he had also thought that the extreme level of Remus' love for his wife and his natural tendency to put others first would keep him from imposing too greatly on Edwina's submissive nature. She would never have been with another man and even if she had, Remus Lupin would be the last man to ever contemplate his goddess having betrayed him.

"Thank you for coming, Arthur."

Remus' quiet words brought Arthur's attention sharply back to the situation at hand, so he said as lightly as he could manage, "Naturally, Remus. Of course I would come. Molly wanted me to say that she will come by to visit Edwina whenever you think it is a good time."

With a deep sigh and an expression of mortification, Remus said firmly, "The full moon is tomorrow. I won't be able to stay."

"Perhaps Molly could come during that time and sit with her a bit, Remus. It might help to have another woman with whom to talk."

Looking away from Arthur's pitying eyes, Remus cleared his throat and answered, "Yes. Thank her for me. That would probably be an excellent idea."

* * *

**Author's Note (Magical fragility syndromes):**

The fourth most common cause of miscarriage in wizarding families is magical fragility. Beernaert's disease, Jammern syndrome, and Breochaid syndrome are the three diseases known to cause magical children to experience adverse side effects due to magic. A fourth disease, Byzantine Fragility syndrome, has had no diagnosed case in over 230 years. Although it was common in Turkish, North African, and Middle Eastern magical families from the 2nd century B.C. through 12th centuries, it was recorded to have presented as far away as Gaul. This disease is believed to have been eradicated naturally.

Children born with Beernaert's disease rarely live past early childhood. In most cases pregnancies involving Beernaert's babies do not come to term. The effects of Beernaert's on magical children are horrific. Children must be shielded from even the simplest of magical objects and exposure to even protective wards placed round a house will cause haemorrhagic fevers. Onset of blindness is early and eventual extinction is generally due to stroke or complete systemic failure.

Jammern syndrome affects male and female children equally. The most common symptom to present is frequent crying or wailing during infancy. It is not known what causes Jammern children to eventually overcome their magical sensitivity, but in at least 70 percent of cases a Jammern child is completely free of symptoms by age 10. Families of Jammern children should make every effort not to shield their children from magical objects or spells. It is theorised that repeated exposure builds up immunity in Jammern children, leading to eventual cure.

Breochaid syndrome is unusual since its continued existence is due the popularity of Breochaidie witches in wizarding marriages from the 15th century until the early portion of the 20th century. The extremely fair skin, dark hair, and petite, fragile body structure of the Breochaidie witch was once considered to be a mark of beauty. Additionally, the Breochaidie witch's magical fragility, which makes her unable to withstand repeated exposure to powerful magic of any sort, especially Dark magic, meant that Breochaidie witches were often only trained in the basic domestic magical arts. During this era, it was not uncommon for powerful, wealthy wizards to contract marriages with Breochaidie witches, who could command a high bride price since there were so few of them, yet would not be any threat to the wizard's power. Although this practice almost completely disappeared by the beginning of the 20th century, several of the older, powerful Pure-blooded families of Britain and France, where this syndrome is most commonly found, still have daughters exhibiting Breochaid with varying degrees of fragility. Other physical characteristics commonly exhibited by Breochaidie witches include: 2 in 3 have an adult height of under 5'3" (although rare cases of Breochaidie witches have been recorded to reach over 6'), 1 in 4 have congenitally missing adult teeth, 2 in 3 have weak eyesight requiring prescriptive treatment, 1 in 3 have distinctively heavy eyelids or permanent shadows under their eyes, and almost fully 100 percent have extremely straight black hair and very little, pale blond body hair.


	3. Chapter 3 Declaration

Chapter 3

Declaration

The young woman in the hospital bed lifted her hand to her eyes and rubbed them lightly. She fought groggily to wake up her mind and sort out a strange feeling of displacement. She slid up in bed toward the headboard, so she could properly sit up. With a small shake of her head she tried to make her eyes focus, so she could look round to see where her glasses were. As her hand reached out toward the table beside the bed in order to feel for her glasses, she noticed that there was also a chair with someone sitting in it. She squinted as she unfolded her glasses. "Professor?"

Remus felt his body respond to her soft voice, but only said gently, "Yes?"

"The Healers told me that I've had my memory Obliviated and that you were telling me the truth." She saw him nod his head slightly in agreement. "If that is so...well it must be awful for you too, me not remembering, and saying the things I did. I'm sorry for earlier."

Remus had stood and taken a step forward as she spoke her apology, but when he saw her nervous flinch he stopped still. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Edwina. This must be incredibly frightening for you."

Edwina looked up at the white, scared face of the man standing by her bed and then looked away briefly. "Will I ever remember?"

Remus did not respond for a moment, but then looked her directly in the eye before saying, "No, probably not. Your memories were erased, not just hidden. Didn't the Healers explain this to you?"

"Yes, but they told me that you would explain everything else. I don't know what the 'everything else' is."

Edwina noticed that Remus' mouth tightened as he abruptly sat down. He did not speak. Edwina felt a very sudden rush of anger build up in her chest. She balled up her fist and punched the bed fiercely. "Why? Why would someone do this to me? Who would do this?"

Remus seemed to be watching her face as if he were looking for the answer to some question she didn't know, but he responded to her own question instead. "We don't know. The Ministry has not yet classified this as a criminal Charming crime, so we may only ever have our own suspicions, Edwina. We, my friends and I, have been doing everything we could to investigate whilst you have been in here, but we haven't found any answers."

Edwina's voice squeaked as she asked angrily, "How can they say this wasn't an attack? I don't understand it."

Remus looked extremely uncomfortable as he answered, "Partially because you are a Breochaidie. It is rare, but some Breochaidie women begin to exhibit early onset of senility."

"But the Healer didn't say I was senile. Did he? I'm not, am I?"

"No, most definitely not. The Breochaidie witches that experienced premature senility all had one thing in common that you do not. They were all extremely experienced, practising Dark witches. You know that you were not allowed to continue with NEWT Potions or NEWT Transfiguration because of danger to your health, do you remember?"

"Yes. Some of the potions used ingredients that came from Dark creatures that can be harmful to a Breochaidie and I fainted too many times in Transfiguration, so Professor McGonagall wouldn't allow me to continue her class."

"Right. That is because certain types of magic are harder than others for you to tolerate. The witches who experienced early senility had all tried to ignore these restrictions, so repeated exposure to Dark magic began to cause their minds to decay."

"Oh! That won't happen to me, will it?"

"No, of course not. But they are checking your wand for your spell history to make certain that this is not what has happened."

"But that isn't fair! Didn't the Healers tell them that I was Obliviated?"

Once again Edwina had the sense that he was uncomfortable and wondered if he were hiding something. "Yes, they did. However there is at least one current case of a Breochaidie managing to mask the syndrome enough to continue to practise the Dark Arts. Also, there is some prejudice in your case, I think."

"I thought that there were only two other Breochaidie living in Britain right now and I know them both, they are cousins."

"Well, this woman _is _your cousin, though not a close one. She is a Black."

"Oh. Her. But she is in Azkaban."

"No, actually. She escaped Azkaban along with some other supporters of Voldemort, last year."

Edwina involuntarily flinched at hearing the name of Voldemort and after several moments replied softly, "I hated her when I was little. My Grandmother Bledsoe was a Black, well I guess you knew that, but that's how my cousins and I all have it. The Black and the Sinclair families have had most of the cases in Britain. I met her when I was very small. She had a horrible laugh."

Remus considered his words before replying, "Yes, I remember her."

"It isn't a nice family to be a part of, even if only distantly."

Remus did not say anything for several seconds. Edwina watched him sit and think. She was now sure that he was hiding something.

"Neither is the McCrudy family." (Readers: please see note below)

"You are related to the McCrudy clan?"

"Yes. My paternal grandmother."

"Oh, wow. We even learnt about them at school."

"I know you did. We did, as well. So you see, most of us have questionable relatives."

"I suppose so. Will you tell me whatever it is that you keep avoiding, please?"

Remus was obviously startled, but after a moment he stood and walked over towards the window. "There are two things that I should tell you. The "everything else", I suppose."

"Please tell me?"

Remus sighed and returned to place his hand on the back of the chair beside her bed. "I am a werewolf."

* * *

**Author's Note (McCrudy clan):**

Muggle readers, who will not have heard of the unfortunate history of the McCrudy clan should count themselves fortunate and not attempt to learn any more. Wizards or witches, who might have forgotten about the history of this cursed clan, are advised to revise their OWL level texts.


	4. Chapter 4 Everything else

Chapter 4

Everything Else

Edwina's eyes opened wide and she sat frozen, staring at him. Finally she spoke hesitantly, "How…how awful for you."

Remus, who had obviously expected a very different reaction, did not continue his explanation.

"Do you, I mean, what can you do about the changes? Isn't it horribly painful? Can they do something to help you?"

"I take a potion as the full moon approaches. It doesn't do anything for the pain, but it makes me safe. I still transform, but I am not dangerous."

"Oh Professor, is that all that they can do? There isn't a cure or anything they can do so it won't hurt you?"

Remus made a wry face and said sadly, "No. Even this potion that I take now is a very new development. Since I am able to keep my mind when I transform, there is not quite as much damage."

Edwina placed a small, pale hand on Remus', which was now resting on the table. "But it must have been safe or we wouldn't have married, right?"

"I suppose that is true, yes." Pulling back his hand and stepping slightly away from the bed, Remus cleared his throat and said nervously, "There is something else that you need to know, as well." After firmly fixing his eyes on Edwina's face, he stiffly continued, "You are two months pregnant."

Edwina blinked her eyes several times and pressed herself back against the headboard again. She peered seriously at his face for several moments before responding, "Oh. We are going to have a baby?"

"Yes. The Healer assured me that the child was unharmed by whatever spell-casting was performed on you."

"Oh, well, that is good then." She sat thinking for a few moments, fully aware that Remus was watching her carefully. Finally Edwina looked up with a hurt expression and asked softly, "You aren't happy about it, are you?"

"I do want children with you, Edwina, very much. However, I'm worried about you."

"Why? I thought you said that the baby was healthy. I'm not sick am I? Breochaid doesn't affect having children does it?"

"I suppose that it is possible. Perhaps there are some potions or charms to ease pregnancy or birth that might not be advisable with Breochaid, but you should be able to have this baby without any problems if you follow all your normal precautions. The Healers said that you are in excellent health, Winnie."

"Then, well, what is it that worries you?"

Remus took a deep breath and schooled his features to hide his annoyance. He didn't know why he felt so frustrated. All of her questions were reasonable and the way she had reacted to his admission about his condition had been nothing like he had expected. She didn't appear to have been disgusted at all. "I am worried about you, Edwina. This is an incredible situation in which to suddenly find yourself. It must be quite a lot to digest all at once. I can understand if you need some time to sort out everything."

Edwina could see that Remus was genuinely concerned, although she wasn't sure that he was telling the whole truth about what was bothering him. She sighed softly and asked, "Well what do I do? Where do I go now?"

"Well I..." Remus frowned. Edwina could see that he hadn't expected her question. "Nothing has changed for me, Edwina. Your home has been with me for the last three months and it is still your home if you want it to be. You do not have to stay with me however. I am sure that your family or your friends would welcome you, or else I will move back with my best friend and you can remain in the house. I suppose it depends on what will make you the most comfortable."

"We had only been married for three months?"

"Yes."

"I thought...well I've been out of school for a year and a half, so I thought it had been longer."

"No. We only began our relationship just over six months ago."

Edwina looked curiously at him as she lay silently on the hospital bed.

"It was a very quick courtship."

"Would you tell me how it was?" Edwina could see Remus' struggle for composure and wondered why her request had upset him.

"I will, yes. I don't think that I can...right now, however. Perhaps later, I don't think that it would be a good plan at the moment." Remus saw the crushed expression on Edwina's face and had to fight with himself to keep control. He had to leave in less than 15 minutes in order to be back at the cottage with enough time. "I'm afraid that I have to leave soon, Edwina. Tonight is full moon."

"Oh! Of course, I hadn't realised. Does that mean that you will be gone a while?"

"I should be able to come back two days from now. I need at least one full night of rest after the full moon before I am healed enough."

Speaking almost to herself, Edwina sighed, "It is that bad then."

Edwina's voice had been full of pity, but Remus could not find any comfort in her concern. The refrain that had been constantly shouted inside his mind since speaking with the Healer that morning was getting continually louder the longer he remained in the room with her. He was barely able to keep track of what she said. Almost all he heard were two sentences repeating in his mind. Remus replied, "Sometimes it is worse. But I am used to it, Edwina. It is alright." Remus suddenly noticed what the object was that Edwina had been turning over on top of the eiderdown. It was her wedding ring.

Edwina saw Remus' face twitch and followed his gaze to the heavy, old fashioned gold ring that was in her hand. "It is very beautiful, sir. I've never seen one quite like this, but I like it. It feels different; like there is something special about it."

Remus said carefully, "You and I chose to cast charms, Edwina. You are feeling the Charm when you handle the ring."

"Of course. I should have thought of that. It is such a beautiful ring."

"It was my great-grandmother's and later my mother's." Remus saw a slight smile on Edwina's lips and tried not to remember how she had reacted after the wedding when she looked at her ring. Unbidden, the memories of their wedding day flooded back causing Remus to have to lean on the back of the chair beside the bed.

"May I...should I still wear it? Do you want me to give it back to you until we...?"

Remus cut her off quickly, "No, I do not want it back, Winnie. It is yours."

"I only meant that since I don't remember anything that maybe you might not want me to..."

"I understand what you meant, Winnie. But my feelings for you have not changed. It will not be me who chooses to end our marriage. I am sorry, but I must leave now. I know that you have more things to ask and I will do my best to answer every question that you have when I return." Remus saw that Edwina was both hurt and confused, so he repeated softly, "I _will _return, Winnie. If I could stay here, please believe me that I would. Do you understand?"

Edwina nodded and looked down at the ring in her hand. Ever since she had pulled the ring off to examine it, she had felt as if she were missing something important. It was the same sensation she had got in school when she felt that she had forgot an important assignment, but hadn't yet remembered what it was. Edwina slipped the ring back on her hand and the sensation of uneasiness instantly disappeared.

Remus noticed the surprise on her face as she put on her ring and understood that she must have the same reaction to removing her ring that he did with his. He had only ever removed it at the full moon and each time he had felt physically miserable. It was a common result of the Charm they had used, but it relieved him to know that Edwina had a reaction, too. That meant that she had at least felt something for him when they cast the Charm.

"I will be back as soon as I can, Edwina. You will be having some visitors, as well." Remus suddenly pulled out his wand and waved it in a short arc toward the window, causing a small silvery globe to hover in the air emitting a shimmering light from its surface. "I have to go. Now. I'm sorry, my love, I will be back soon."

Remus left the room at a run, leaving Edwina staring at the back of the hospital door through which he had passed.


	5. Chapter 5 Going home

Chapter 5

Over the next two days Edwina had two more visitors, as well as kindly Molly Weasley. First had been a young woman only a few years older than Edwina, who had a button nose and wild purple hair. She had introduced herself as only Tonks, yet she looked remarkably like two of Edwina's mother's cousins. Edwina wondered if she ought to have known this Tonks; if perhaps she were distant family. Mother had not kept much in contact with Grandmother Bledsoe, whom Mother had hated, or Grandmother's family excepting Mother's two favourite cousins.

Later Edwina had a visit from an elderly gentleman, who was a friend of her Great-Aunt Ælfflede, Daedelus Diggle. She had the loveliest memories of him from her childhood. He had been very kind to such a lonely little girl, always bringing nut fudge and teasing her with a Tickling Charm or charming her hair into rainbow colours for the afternoon. Edwina had been pleasurably surprised to see Mr. Diggle, who had remembered to bring nut fudge. He had also seemed very uncomfortable. When Edwina had asked if he were a friend of Remus Lupin he had stuttered and blushed oddly, turning his violently purple hat over in his lap as he replied, "I, well I know him surely, he is, well an excellent wizard, I'm sure, yes, very clever. He, well he does know his stuff surely, yes." Edwina had several visits from Molly Weasley, who had been very motherly and kind, yet Edwina was finding it very hard to be friendly. She clearly had a past relationship with the older woman, who seemed to have a fondness for Edwina, but Edwina still felt that Mrs. Weasley was a stranger only really connected to Remus Lupin.

Eventually Edwina admitted to herself that who she really wanted to see was Remus Lupin himself. She had liked him ever so much in school, which she knew was over a year past, but still seemed to her to be only the week before. The crush had been a painfully strong one, but she had no idea what her feelings were now. Although so little time _seemed_ to have passed, she did feel different. Edwina didn't really feel like a student at Hogwarts. She felt no anxiety about her NEWT results, which she still didn't know. It didn't seem to matter, which didn't feel right. It should matter. School had always been terribly important to Edwina.

Edwina began to really consider Remus Lupin, as she finished a tray of rather mushy breakfast. He was different than he had seemed from the viewpoint of a student. He seemed less thrilling and more interesting, somehow. Edwina swallowed the last bite on her plate and thought about how she didn't feel a paralysing nervousness when she was near him, which she had before. He should still seem like only a professor to her because nothing ought to have changed.

When he looked at her he would be seeing a person that he actually knew. He probably knew more about her than anyone else, which was frightening since she knew almost nothing at all about him. In fact, she was pregnant, so they had obviously done more than take romantic walks at sunset (her favourite daydream during her seventh year). But she had no memory of anything. He hadn't told her how they had started dating. Had she been living at home until they married? Mother had probably been trying to introduce her to eligible wizards and there was _no _way that her mother would ever have agreed to the marriage.

How had things happened and what was Professor Lupin really like? Who was the wizard she had married? She'd married a werewolf. No wonder her friends had told her she was mad to like him so much. Oh, she had been _so _silly, constantly mooning over how kind and gentle he had seemed. How he was funny and clever. What had she really known about him? She'd married a dark creature, a half-human. It was all part of the odd nightmare that was apparently her life now. One day she was a student at Hogwarts with a silly crush on a professor and the next day she was married to an old werewolf and pregnant without a single memory of anything happening.

Edwina struggled with the cushions behind her and fitfully flipped the pages of _Serena Goode's Simple Spells for the Harried Housewitch, _wondering why the nurse had thought she might want to read it. She was bored. She was frustrated by the whole stupid situation. She was lonely. Why hadn't Elspeth or Sophie come to visit? Where was Professor Lupin? He'd said he would be back two days later and he hadn't come. She wanted to see him. She wanted to leave. Why hadn't he come?

"Good morning Mrs. Lupin! How are you feeling today?"

"I am ready to go home."

"Well I don't think that we can let you go home just yet, my dear. You need to rest and we want you healthy before you..."

Edwina cut the nurse off whinging tearfully, "Please, I'm tired of this place. I want to go home!"

"Now dear, we can't just let you walk out when you feel like it. We want you to get better, now don't we?"

Edwina was shaking with emotion and felt her heart racing wildly. "I want to leave now! If you can't let me have proper robes then I will go like this. I can't stay here another day just waiting."

"Would you like me to contact your husband? He could bring your clothing and take you home, if you really wish."

"Will he come now?"

"Well of course he will, Mrs. Lupin, he left instruction to contact him if..."

"What is going on?" Edwina gasped in surprise and turned around to see Remus Lupin leaning on a cane in the doorway with an alarmed expression on his grey, haggard face.

"Mrs. Lupin was asking to leave."

Lupin asked grimly, "Is she healthy enough to depart?"

"Well, sir, they did want to observe her for a few more days, but I believe that she is physically ready to go."

Remus Lupin smiled lightly and calmly replied, "Then I will take her home now. Thank you, Matron." Edwina saw the exhaustion written on his face and watched Remus Lupin politely hold the door for the nurse. As he moved his arm to close the door Edwina saw scratches on his arms that looked very ugly and painful. She then noticed the purple circles under his eyes and grey shadows in the hollows of his face that served to make him look like a man who had been through a long, terrible ordeal. "I don't think that there is any real need to cause trouble, Edwina. You know that you are safe here."

"But I hate it here. It is dull and all they do is ask me question after question and I don't have any answers."

"They are trying to help you, Edwina." Edwina noticed that he avoided looking her in the eyes. "If you will clean yourself up then I will be back in a little while with some clothing for you."

Edwina crossed the room to where he was standing and stood so close to him that she could feel his discomfort. "Why didn't you come yesterday?"

"It took longer than usual for me to recover this month."

"I waited for you all day."

Lupin closed his eyes for a moment and sighed softly, "You might have imagined that I _wished_ I could come, Winnie."

"Are you...okay now?"

Lupin responded shortly, "I am fine. I will be back as soon as I have a change of clothing for you. In the mean time, please get yourself ready and calmed down."

Edwina suddenly felt a little embarrassed and averted her eyes from his face. "Right." After he left, she sat on the bed and thought about how nasty and painful his "changes" must be for him to look so horrible just then. He had been very impatient and clearly irritated with her and she had to admit to herself that she was acting very childishly. For a moment Edwina wondered what Remus Lupin was really like and if she'd really known him before.

That Tonks girl had said that he and his friends had been wild at Hogwarts. And Mr. Diggle had reacted very oddly about him, as well. Of course that could just be the whole werewolf issue, in fact that was mostly like the reason. But should she be afraid of that part of him? Did being a werewolf affect him the other days of the month? He _had_ been the Defence Against Dark Arts professor after all. He would have proven himself awfully knowledgeable about Dark Arts in order to do that, wouldn't he? How did he know all that stuff and what had he been doing since school until he returned to teach? He had probably got letters, as well. (Readers: please see note below.) He had seemed awfully nice and kind, but he must have a very deep side to him. Perhaps she ought to...Edwina jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you feeling ill?"

"No, no, I was just thinking," Edwina stammered and stared at her former professor.

"Well then, I'll leave you again to clean up, ok? I've brought what I think is your favourite robe." He gestured to a dark blue robe lying on the end of the bed. "I will return in a few minutes."

"Wait!" Lupin raised his eyebrows in response to her exclamation. "What happens now?"

"We go home, as you requested."

"Are you angry with me now?"

Remus Lupin frowned, "No, of course not. But I do think we should leave soon if we are going today."

"Okay, I'll try to get ready quickly."

"Take your time, Winnie. I will be outside."

"Thank you."

A few minutes later when Remus Lupin tentatively entered the room he saw Edwina hunched over her knees, which she had drawn up to her chest. She was sitting perched on the edge of the bed so that her very long black hair flowed down the side of the mattress. He paused for a moment to look at her as he tried to push the incredibly harsh pain in his chest away from his consciousness and reminded himself that she was as lost and confused as he was. "Edwina." She turned her head in surprise and he could see that she hadn't done anything since he had left beyond putting on the robes. "Did you want to finish cleaning up?"

"Wha...? Oh, I'm so sorry, sir."

Lupin grimaced as he walked to the basin on the table by the bed and wet the towel that had been placed there. He moved beside her and extended the towel saying gently, "Here you are." Edwina mechanically wiped her face with the damp cloth and handed it back to him. He summoned the comb for her and felt a knot form in his gut as he saw her roughly run it through her hair. He had secretly loved watching her brush out the river of shiny hair every night partly because it was so lovely and mostly because he knew that it was the one part of her that she considered beautiful. For her to be so careless she must be very upset. "Ready to go?"

"Oh, yes, I think so. Thank you."

Edwina looked nervously at Lupin, who lifted his wand and moved the point from her head to her chest; speaking aloud what Edwina knew was a warming charm. Then he gestured for her to follow him. Edwina stood up, walked out the door after him, and followed him down the stairs from the fourth floor and then outside St. Mungo's into the street. He paused a few moments to make certain that she was behind him and then crossed the street slowly. They approached a dusty, deserted looking alleyway and walked all the way to the end.

Remus Lupin pointed his wand at the wall and spoke firmly, "Widgeon." Suddenly there appeared an oddly shaped doorway in front of them, which lead into another alley. Lupin turned to her and smiled encouragingly, "Okay?"

"Yes." Edwina whispered.

Lupin looked at her with concern, but said nothing. He nodded his head towards the door and placed his hand on the small of her back to lead her forward. Surprised, Edwina involuntarily flinched at his touch. She could see from the expression on Lupin's face that he thought she could not stand his touch, but before she could speak he said softly, "I will go first then, so you can see it is safe." He turned to go through the door. Edwina watched as he strode purposefully forward. She ran forward to catch up with him just as he stopped in front of what looked like a deserted tavern. Inside there was no one at the bar and when they walked in Edwina could see that all the tables were very dusty. "All you have to say is Hatishall Cottage. You go first and I'll follow you." Lupin was handing her a brown paper packet with his cane hand as he pointed his wand hand at the dirty fireplace grate. A fire burst up in front of them and she understood that the packet must contain floo powder.

"Hatishall Cottage?"

"Yes. Don't worry, Winnie, you can trust me. Nothing bad is going to happen; you are just going to floo. I'll be right behind you."

"Okay." She slung the packet into the flame and spoke loudly, "Hatishall Cottage." Immediately the familiar pull of floo travel grasped her and she was spun forward for several minutes before being sharply released.

Author's Note:

Although I have made every other effort to keep my story strictly within the parameters of Rowling's universe, I am going to take one definite, purposeful diversion. Although nothing has been mentioned in her books re wizarding universities, Rowling has said in interview that the wizarding world has none. Frankly, I find this absolutely inconsistent with everything else that Rowling has written or said about wizarding culture. This is a world that spends a great deal of time learning and exploring magic (for fun, for enterprise, or for academic purpose). Additionally, this is a mediaeval culture in many ways. Universities were a definite part of the culture for the intellectual elite during that time. I cannot imagine that the wizarding world would not have established at least one university. I do believe that a university education would be a very rare thing. Most witches and wizards would progress no further than secondary education and any specific training needed for their chosen profession. Apprenticeships would be common practise. University education would be looked upon as an elitist pursuit, but would and must be a possibility. Therefore with the greatest deference to Ms. Rowling, I am going to act on the assumption that Europe has three wizarding universities. These will be explained in a later note.


	6. Chapter 6 Hatishall Cottage

Chapter 6

When Edwina tumbled out of the fireplace grate she fell into a small, bright room that was lined on two sides with tall, dark wood bookcases filled with rows of leather-bound books. The bookcases had traditional runes carved deep into the edges of the shelves, which spelt out something in a Germanic language that Edwina did not know. Edwina did recognise the pictures that were carved into the bookcase ends. She stepped closer and saw a panel showing the gaping jaws of Fenris devouring the world at Ragnarok and she shivered. She remembered how frightening those stories had been when her Aunt Ælfflede would read them at night. When Edwina stood back and looked at the rest of the room however, she saw that the furniture was old and sparse, yet everything was very clean and well pressed or polished. It looked rather nice, she thought. The curtains were sort of pretty and there were some pictures...Edwina bent down to look at one and saw it was herself looking up into the face of Remus Lupin with a completely worshipful expression. The picture-Lupin was first smiling at real-Edwina and then stealing a proud, almost dazed glance at the picture-Edwina. She heard Lupin arrive behind her and turned to face him. "Is this our home?"

"Yes."

Edwina smiled genuinely, "It is nice."

"Yes, I think that you and Molly Weasley did an excellent job with what I had."

Edwina could see the extreme discomfort that Lupin appeared to be feeling and asked, "Are we going to stay here? Do you have to go somewhere, I mean?"

"No, we aren't going anywhere. Why do you ask?"

"Could we talk a little? I feel like we ought."

"Are you hungry?"

"Only a little. They served me breakfast only just before you came. Maybe if we could make some tea?"

Lupin was standing watching her, his free hand gripping the back of a chair. "Yes, that is a good idea. Follow me." Lupin slowly moved into the hallway and led Edwina through it to a small dining room. He pushed one of the chairs back under the table with the end of his cane as they walked past it into the room at the far end of the house. Edwina immediately smiled when she saw the yellow and white kitchen with its gleaming, though ancient cooker and highly burnished cupboards and floors. It felt _good_ to be in here. She saw that there were two pots of Wodensbane on the windowsill and smiled. Those must be hers. Edwina walked to where a shining copper kettle was set on the old Aga and picked it up to fill it. When she turned to place it back on the hob she saw that Lupin had already lit the flame.

Edwina smiled shyly at him and said, "Where are the tea things?" Lupin gestured to a white dresser that had an odd assortment of crockery lined up neatly on the shelf boards. He reached on top of one of the cupboards and pulled down a Japanese style lacquer tray with a shiny red interior and placed it on the counter by the cooker. Edwina had not yet moved towards the dresser, so Lupin summoned a large pewter teapot and then two plates. Edwina reached over and picked up two teacups, neither matched the other, but their saucers at least matched the cups. She placed them next to the plates and watched as Lupin rummaged in a cupboard pulling down a tin of tea and finally a strainer. "Where is the milk?"

"There is a cold cupboard behind you. Did you want some biscuits or something?" Edwina nodded eagerly. She was really very hungry. "I believe that there is half of a shepherd's pie in that cupboard if you would like some of it." Edwina pulled out both the pitcher of milk and a plate with several meagre slices of pie on it. The gravy looked slightly grey and she wondered if maybe she ought to ask for something else when she noticed that the cupboard that Lupin was looking through was almost completely bare. The cold cupboard had only a smallish lump of butter, the milk, and four eggs in addition to the pie. Edwina suddenly realised that Remus Lupin must be very poor. He had said that she and Molly Weasley had "done the best with what (he) had." He must have meant that there had been very little with which to work. "I've found a wrapper of orange crèmes."

"Ooo yum, I like those."

Remus Lupin was placing the four crème biscuits on one plate and emptied another wrapper of eight broken oat biscuits onto the other plate. "I know you don't like Nairns, but if you want some of them anyway you may have them."

Edwina shook her head vehemently and made a face. Oat biscuits always made her think of Great-Aunt Edwina's house. It was unfortunate how much she had disliked her namesake, since the elderly lady really had a fondness for Edwina. Great-Aunt Edwina would have been happy to have Edwina to stay at her sprawling estate in Northern Scotland over holidays, which should have been better than the unhappy Leighton home. But Great-Aunt Edwina had firmly believed that Breochaidie witches should not be allowed to do anything that would tax their body in any way, so Edwina had not been allowed to do anything for herself. The house elf had even been ordered to help her dress, which Edwina had found unbearably fussy. Therefore Edwina had always politely refused the kindly meant invitations to visit her Great-Aunt.

Edwina noticed that Lupin continued to look at her surreptitiously as he poured the hot water over the tea leaves and returned the kettle to the cooker. She wondered what he was worried about, since his face seemed frozen in a nervous frown. "I have a little chocolate in my case, as well."

"Don't you want any?"

"I still shouldn't have any for a day to be sure."

"Is it...oh, because of the full moon?"

"Chocolate makes a werewolf ill near the full moon, yes."

Edwina sat down at the little whitewashed table in the corner of the kitchen and tried firmly not to cry. This house was supposed to be her home. She ought to know what foods her "husband" liked or couldn't eat and where they kept the cutlery and what food was in the house. "Tonks told me that you were always afraid that I was too young for you. If you originally thought that I was too young, what changed your mind?"

Lupin looked up with surprise and said honestly, "You did. It wasn't that I didn't always find you extremely attractive Winnie. Believe me that I did. But I am very aware of what I am and also what little I have to offer to any woman, no matter what her age. I could not in conscience pursue a relationship with you, especially since I thought you might be too young to really understand what you would be starting."

"Is that what bothered you about my age?"

"That was not the only thing. It was hard to imagine that a 19 year old witch was going to be happy with a 35 year old academic, darling. It was a long time ago that I was your age and I have always had my head in a book."

"It sounds as if you thought I was rather silly. I wonder why you liked me then?"

Lupin laughed mirthlessly. "No. I think that my fears had very little to do with you and everything to do with me. I would have kept my distance, but you approached _me_ for which I shall always be grateful. Your mother was furious."

"Oh dear yes, I'm sure."

"You haven't asked about your parents."

"They're both dead, why would I?"

Remus Lupin dropped the knife with which he had been spreading jam and asked sharply, "How did you know that?"

"Well, they were...well I don't know. I just know it. Mum, no, Father disappeared and Mother killed herself?"

"Yes, but that happened only two months ago, Edwina."

"Oh! And I remember!"

Lupin stood over her and looked intently into her eyes, "Look into my eyes. Look up." Edwina looked up uneasily into his light brown eyes. "_Legilmens_. Keep looking!"

Edwina pulled away, "Why? You're scaring me."

"Look into my eyes again. I'm not going to hurt you Winnie."

Edwina turned her eyes back to his and immediately began to feel dizzy and slightly queasy. She felt herself thinking of her last year in school then of the summer before fifth year then about waking up next to him that first morning then back to her last year at Hogwarts when she was sitting in Lupin's classroom..."Stop! What are you doing? Please stop!" Edwina closed her eyes tightly and choked back a sob of fear.

"Damn!" Edwina could feel that he had knelt next to her and allowed him to take her hands in his. "I am sorry Winnie. I should not have done that."

Edwina opened her eyes. "Why? What were you doing?"

"I feared that you were not being honest, so I was looking to see."

"I didn't like it. I couldn't control my thoughts. Were you doing that?" Lupin nodded and stood up. "How do you do that? Can you do lots of things like that?"

"Yes, I suppose you could say that. I can, but I don't. I am sorry Winnie, so sorry." Lupin turned away from her and carried his teacup to the counter. She could see that his shoulders drooped and watched as he leaned dejectedly against the counter by the cooker. "This is going to be hard for me Edwina. I know you are scared and confused, too, and I promise that I will try to remember that. But it is hard to know how to treat you now and what to think or feel. That isn't your fault, I just don't know what to do right now."

Winnie watched him as he stood facing out the kitchen window and tried to finish the shepherd's pie without thinking of the stale taste. She noticed that he absently plucked a leaf from the Wodensbane and dropped it in his tea. After a few moments she spoke tentatively, "Would you please come back?" Lupin immediately turned to look at her and crossed the floor to the kitchen table. "Was I like I am now? Do I seem like the same person?"

"You are the same person, but it isn't really the same, is it?"

"No." Edwina looked up at her former professor and searched his face trying to think back to the thrilling feelings she had in school. "But it could be, couldn't it?"

Lupin sighed and placed his hand overtop her own, "I would like to think so. It would probably help if I weren't acting like a pillock. I'm not exactly inviting you to trust me, am I?

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about "us" and we could just talk about something else."

Lupin smiled warmly and picked up a biscuit. He sipped his tea and then asked tentatively, "Is there anything else that you remember, but for which you don't have any solid explanation?"


	7. Chapter 7 Residual

Chapter 7

Edwina heard the light tone of Lupin's question, but his bright, alert eyes and tensed jaws belied his casual mood. She responded uncertainly, "Maybe, I...do I have a big greyish-black dog?"

"Yes, a Neapolitan Mastiff named Blackie. He is with a friend right now, since I couldn't care for him when I was ill."

"Blackie? That sounds familiar. I bet I named him."

Lupin smiled, "You did. Why do you say that?"

"Because I suspect you would have been more creative."

Lupin laughed lightly. "I gave you Blackie for a present just this last year."

"So I shouldn't remember him, should I?" Lupin shook his head. "I can't believe that Mother allowed me to keep him."

"I kept him here actually. You felt your mother would never allow it and I think you were probably right. I meant him as protection for you, Winnie. We were engaged then, so I felt that when we married you should have protection against...any accidents, I suppose."

"Oh! I thought that there wasn't any danger if you took that potion."

"There shouldn't be, no. However I do not want to take any risks with your safety. What if the potion were ineffectively brewed or what if somehow I forgot to take it? That has happened actually, which led to my "condition" being made public at the end of last year."

"You didn't hurt anyone?" Lupin shook his head. "Is our bedroom, well does it have pink and green floral paper and something with a yellow bird?"

"No." Lupin thought for a moment and asked, "Would the paper be large pink roses and green ivy?"

"Yes, I think so."

"That might be... actually do you have any memories associated with that room?"

"Just waiting and being scared." Lupin flinched noticeably, so Edwina said quickly, "The sort of scared you feel when something is about to happen and you don't know how it will go. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it does. We stayed in a small hotel called the Golden Canary on our wedding night. I suspect that is what you are remembering."

"Oh. I hope so. It would be good to have some sort of memory of us." Lupin nodded, but again he wouldn't look her in the eye. "Is it bad that I have these memories?"

"No, it isn't bad, but it is odd. The healer was very insistent that your memory loss was complete and irreversible. I'm afraid that I wasn't entirely willing to accept his diagnosis at first so he had to explain in some detail to me later. What he described was a total erasure of memories that was very purposeful and would have been complete. There shouldn't be anything remaining, Edwina."

"But then why.."

Edwina was interrupted abruptly by Lupin, "I don't know, Winnie. I simply don't know. We can take you back to St. Mungo's, of course, where you will be seen by the same memory specialist, who will mostly likely cast the same bloody expensive diagnostic spells to reach the same useless conclusion, but what other choice do we have? Maybe this time they'll find something they didn't before." Lupin stood up so quickly that his chair almost fell backwards and he began pacing across the kitchen floor. After a few seconds he said softly, "I didn't mean that Winnie, I'm sorry."

Edwina huddled back into her chair and watched her former professor continue to cross the small kitchen in three limping paces, carefully avoiding a large platter on the floor that was filled with water, and then turn on his better foot to begin again. She could see that he was angry, but not angry at her, yet she still felt frightened. "Sir?"

Lupin stopped and looked sadly at Edwina, "Yes?"

"Do you think we ought to go back to hospital? I mean, is there someone else we ought to see or do you think, I mean can we really not afford to go back?"

"No, no, Winnie, I know what I said, but I was merely frustrated and out of my head. We will afford anything that you need to have done - money will not stand in our way, don't worry."

"Well then should we go?"

"I suppose we should. If they can do anything to help you then it is more than worth the cost. I don't think that it matters if we go today or tomorrow, however. If you would rather wait then we can."

"Don't let's go now then. Can't we have some more time to really talk? I feel like we ought to know where we really are and maybe you could tell me more about what's gone on. Could we?"

Lupin had stopped his pacing and as she had spoken, he sat down again next to her. Edwina saw an odd smile cross his lips, but when she looked up into his eyes he only looked immensely sad. "Of course we could. Why don't we go somewhere more comfortable to talk?" Edwina stood up and tried to hide a small yawn. "Are you tired, love?"

Edwina heard the endearment and thought that if he really were in love with her that he had not been overtly affectionate or loving. He had been kind, but in an avuncular manner. "Oh, yes, but it's ok."

Lupin spoke softly and kindly, "There isn't any hurry, you know. You could take a nap and we will talk later when you are rested." Edwina acquiesced with a nod and followed him out of the kitchen and through the dining room to a hall.

The narrow hall was carpeted with a truly ancient Persian rug and had no pictures or paintings of any sort on the walls. The only decoration was what appeared to be a very long line of runic text, which was carved into the wood panelling at the very top of the walls. Lupin turned a knob shaped rather like a coiled serpent and stood at the doorway of the last room on the hall, gesturing for her to precede him. "I'll start a fire for you and you can get yourself settled."

Edwina looked around the room. It was small and the walls had an old, faded green vine print. A heavy panelled bed, which had thick light green velveteen drapes and very ornate carving on the headboard and posts, took up the majority of the space in the room. Edwina was somewhat relieved to see that the carvings were of flowers and falcons and a winged woman with long hair streaming behind her, who was standing in some sort of chariot, pulled by ...two cats? Yes, those were cats. No gaping jaws of death or frightening monsters. She suspected that she should know who the woman was, but it had been a long time since Professor Binns had covered mythical magical societies in History of Magic.

There was a small dressing table with an old silver mirror and brush set, a perfume bottle, and a red leather bound book. Edwina recognised her own things, which she found to be very comforting. The old red Bible had been her Grandmother Leighton's and had gone with Edwina to Hogwarts. She would have put it in her bedroom, so the room immediately felt more like home. The only other furniture was a very old, plain cherry wardrobe and a Jacobean chair beside the bed. Again there were no paintings or decorations on the wall with the exception of a small crucifix over the dressing table. The room looked sparsely furnished despite its small size. "Go ahead and lay down, Winnie. The bed won't bite, I promise." Edwina felt extremely shy as she perched on the edge of the bed and looked at Lupin's back as he leaned in to check for coal. She watched as he dusted off his hands after tossing in a pile of coal, but he didn't turn around. "You needn't be nervous about me. I shan't be getting in there with you. Why don't you take off your shoes and get _under_ the covers?" As he turned to face her with a comforting smile, Edwina flushed deeply and lay back stiffly on the blankets. "You can trust me." He stepped forward and reached to help her slip out of her shoes. Edwina sat up quickly and moved to take of the other shoe and stared up at him shyly. Lupin smiled softly at her and pulled up the blankets for her.

Edwina slid beneath the covers and whispered, "Thank you."

"More comfortable?"

"Mm-hm."

Lupin raised his wand and asked, "Shall I draw the curtains so you can rest?"

"Could you stay a moment?" Lupin did not respond, but instead looked questioningly at her. "Will you tell me more about us, I mean how it happened? I really want to know."


	8. Chapter 8 History

Chapter 8

Lupin sat down in the chair beside her, but did not say anything for several minutes. Edwina snuggled into the feather mattress and turned on her side so she could see where he sat. She felt very safe and warm and quite sleepy. She could also see that he was watching her, so she smiled. "I saw you shortly after you finished school. It was in a bookstore. You were purchasing a book about home breeding of Bluewort plants, I believe. I was waiting to collect a parcel of books for a friend. You began talking to me and I believe that we talked for almost four hours."

"Just like that?"

"Yes. It was mostly about a trip to France that you hoped to take."

"Oh, I had forgotten. I'd been promised a holiday with my cousin Matilda if I got at least two NEWTs. Did I take it?"

"No."

"Father?"

"Yes."

"I did get two NEWTs, I hope."

"Of course you did. Three NEWTs, actually: Herbology, Charms, and Magical Creatures. Professor Sprout also awarded you the Simplex."

"Only three? But I sat for five!" Edwina burst into tears and rolled so she was facing away from Lupin. Lupin, who knew how sensitive she was before about having failed the Astronomy and Defence Against Dark Arts NEWT examinations, had no idea how to effectively comfort her. He had known that there was very little chance that Edwina could pass a Defence NEWT. As her professor he had despaired at how easily she was confused by the terminology of the class. It was a wonder to him that she had managed to take the Defence OWL. He knew that Sinistra had no good opinion of Edwina's abilities in Astronomy either. Lupin had never asked her NEWT scores, but he suspected that those for Astronomy and Defence Against Dark Arts had been embarrassingly low.

"Your score on the Herbology exam was the highest in four years, Edwina. You did very well in your best subjects."

"I couldn't even pass your own class. Why would you have wanted to marry me? I'm just stupid."

"Winnie, please look at me." Lupin placed a hand on her shoulder and waited for her to roll over. "You are not stupid. You know that you aren't. I'm sorry that you didn't get the results you wanted, but that doesn't make you stupid. You received a ridiculously high score in Herbology, which was the NEWT you most wanted. You are quite talented, Edwina. I couldn't keep a muggle plant alive, actually, but you have four Simplex Restricted level plants in our greenhouse right now. Additionally, Professor Flitwick has told me that you have a very creative ending stroke to your charms that he feels extends the magical retention. Clearly Filius thinks that you showed skill in his class."

Edwina wiped her face with the back of her hand and asked in a wavering voice, "Professor Flitwick said I have skill?"

"Yes. Most students simply repeat what they are taught, Edwina, but the better ones extrapolate. They add new steps to spells or modify charms slightly when needed. Some students even have their own distinctive wand strokes, which is what Professor Flitwick was saying about you."

Edwina was now sitting up in the bed as she spoke, "But I failed your class."

"You took an OWL in Defence, Edwina, so you are obviously proficient at it. It just doesn't happen to be your specialty. Some students do not have particularly high scores in any class and you did very well in two."

"I didn't expect to pass Magical Creatures, since I had to skip one section of the exam because I would have had to encounter a pecoin."

"I believe that an accommodation for your condition was made, Edwina."

Edwina sniffed and asked, "Was I hopeless at Defence?"

"Not at all. How could you be if you got your OWL? It merely isn't your strong suit, like Herbology and Charms are."

"Did I really get the Simplex license? I thought I would have to wait a year at least."

"The project you did for the NEWT class was outstanding, Edwina. Professor Sprout was so impressed that she talked to all of the professors about it at some point, I believe."

Edwina was pink with pleasure as she said softly, "She was so kind to me in school."

Lupin watched Edwina as she thought to herself. He couldn't tell her that her Charms work had been average. Flitwick had thought she showed creativity, but her power was a major limiting factor as was her mediocre ability to memorise. Edwina would always struggle with vocabulary and terminology, even in Herbology. Yet in Herbology she had been so talented and interested that she overcame this weakness. Edwina's greatest strengths were her intuition and her deep desire to care for things. Lupin knew that these two characteristics were what had probably drawn her to him, so he had worried from the beginning that she would eventually tire of him as a project. He had never been confident that she truly loved him, but he also had believed in her purity and goodness so greatly that he had never thought it possible that she would betray him.

Lupin watched the various expressions and thoughts pass over his wife's face and knew that her mind had returned to the question of their relationship. Therefore he was not surprised when she asked, "But did we not talk more after that one time?"

"Not for almost a year, no."

"Because I was too young or because you didn't feel anything for me then?"

"I did feel something for you after our conversation that day, but I was not ready to begin a relationship with anyone, Edwina. My condition had just been publicised and I had just found out some information that...it greatly changed things for me. It took me several months to sort myself out. You had only recently been my student and as delightful as you were for me to know in class; I don't think that I was ready to suddenly begin thinking of you as anything but a student."

"That makes sense. I think I like that better than thinking that you just thought I was too young."

"When I saw you almost a year later, things were very different. I would not have presumed to approach you and didn't expect you to say anything to me at all. But we spent almost an entire afternoon together culminating at Florian's where your mother eventually found you. Not surprisingly, your mother asked me to stay away from you. I would have done so, however you began writing to me."

"I did?"

"Yes, not romantic letters, of course. Just friendly letters."

"Oh, well, I probably didn't mean them as just friendly though. I liked you so much in school and I must have still done then."

"Yes, I suppose that is possible. I made several attempts to put you off, because I knew your family would never approve and I also knew I shouldn't encourage you to waste your time with me."

"I wish you wouldn't say that. It isn't wasting my time, not if we are happy together, is it?"

Lupin smiled genuinely, "No, my darling, it has been anything but a waste of time. For me it has been wonderful. But I know that you deserve far better than what I can offer you and I worried about that then, which is why I asked you to come to talk to me, so I could explain this to you."

"That sounds rather patronising."

Lupin laughed shortly, "Yes, it does, a bit."

"And then?"

"I said what I had come to say and when I saw how you reacted then I lost my head and that was that."

"What do you mean?"

Lupin grinned slowly at the memory and Edwina saw him look reflectively at her, "It means that I kissed you madly in the middle of Diagon Alley and we were engaged a few weeks later." Lupin saw Edwina's eyes light up and wondered what she found so pleasing.

"I'm glad. That sounds nice - rather like I had hoped it would happen." Edwina sat up slightly in the bed and looked earnestly at him. "I would have been so mortified if you'd known I had a crush on you, but I don't mind anymore. It is so weird now though, I don't know how I think of you."

Lupin smiled softly and said, "Well that is understandable, Winnie."

"You're sure that you still want..."

She was interrupted in the middle of this thought, "Yes. Completely sure. But I do understand that although we are married this doesn't mean anything to you. You don't have any memories of it, so we can't continue on as if nothing had happened."

Edwina bit her lip nervously, "I'm glad you understand, but I don't just want to give up. We can't just give up, can we?" She gasped slightly as he stood up and stood beside the bed.

"No Winnie, I am not giving up on anything. What I am most concerned about is starting from wherever you feel most comfortable and keeping things at your pace. I don't want you to feel that you have to do anything out of guilt. Or pity. It is important that you understand that."

"Oh." Edwina looked uncertainly up at the man, who was apparently her husband. She might not have admitted as much to him, but she still felt the warm, exciting feelings of her school crush. Although she was clever enough to know that this was not the same thing as love, she knew that once before this crush had turned into real love and that this man still did love her. She felt that he must, but she did wish he would say really so. How quickly before had she fallen in love with him? It had been almost a year in between their first meeting and when they had next talked again, hadn't it? Had she cared for him all that time? "I don't think that I want to hurry anything, R-remus." It didn't feel normal to call him by his Christian name. Edwina realised that in all her daydreams she had never done so.

Remus smiled at her encouragingly and thought wryly that at least she had not called him "sir" again. There was a long way to go, but he didn't want to have to wait. His need for this girl had been overpowering from the start. He had been disgusted with himself for having entertained romantic feelings for a recent student after that first meeting in the bookstore at Hogsmeade. But Remus had found himself unable to keep a handle on his emotions regarding Edwina at any time since, as well. Therefore he wondered how long he would be able to keep this facade of calmness when all he wanted to do was drop to his knees and beg God to make her remember him and love him again. "I'll leave you to sleep now. If you want anything just call out."

"Where will you be?"

Remus reached out a hand to lean lightly on the back of the chair. "Just down the hall."

"Oh."

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine."

Remus looked over to the fire and saw that it was still burning brightly. "Then I'll leave you alone."

"You could stay a little longer, couldn't you? Just a little while?"

Remus cleared his throat before answering, "If you wish, yes. Was there something else that you wanted to talk about?" Edwina shook her head, so Remus looked down at her curiously. "Should I just sit here until you fall asleep?"

"Would you?"

Remus sat down in the chair once more and said quietly, "Of course."

Author's Note:

Here is an attempt to answer several questions that I have been asked. Hope this helps:

Most of the decorations in Hatishall Cottage are based on the ancient Norse tradition, which had influence from Scandinavia to much of Northern Europe, including Britain. The runes most often used in Britain are Nordic in origin and the language that is used in decorations around the Lupin family home is a dialect of Old Saxon (Anglo-Saxon).

The Norse myths used to be part of a religion, but the religious tradition died out when wizards and muggles alike were converted to Christianity. Eventually these old myths became merely traditional fairy tales told to young children in wizarding families. Odin, Loki, and several other Norse 'gods' would have been discussed in History of Magic, since they were actually powerful wizards mistaken by muggles to be gods. Lupin, like the vast majority of wizards and witches in Britain, is C of E (Anglican). He does not follow any unusual theology or pagan religious traditions.

The Lupin family, with a humour characteristic of wizarding society, particularly enjoyed the Norse myths because of the prominence of wolves in many stories (since their name means "wolf"). They have kept a tradition of naming their children after mythical wolves from numerous European cultures. Latona Lupin Kempe, great-great-great aunt to Remus Lupin, and her husband Wilfred Kempe (both proponents of the practical usage of Old Saxon in magical spells) were responsible for the distinctive decorations at the Lupin home. The house was renamed by Lyckaon Lupin, Remus Lupin's father, when Remus was a small child.

Ragnarok was to be the battle at the end of the world. The gods would fight the Jotuns and other evil creatures, eventually all killing each other. Odin (also called Woden) would be killed by Fenris, the great wolf. Thor would fight Fenris' sibling, the Midgard Serpent (the Midgard Serpent is most often shown as a snake eating its own tail, which is a symbol for eternity used on necklaces, in paintings, and even the occasional doorknob). The dead would be freed from Helheim, the sun would be swallowed by the wolf Skoll, and the moon would be eaten by the wolf Hati (perhaps living out many a werewolf's fantasy).

Freya was the goddess of love and fertility. She was also a warrior goddess, who wore a pair of falcon's wings as she led the Valkyries in building Odin's army of warriors at Valhalla (these dead warriors would fight at Ragnarok with the gods). She often rode in a chariot pulled by two grey cats. She was also known for wearing a special necklace, the Brisingamen.


	9. Chapter 9 Brisingamen

Chapter 9

Remus sat staring into the flames thinking of the letter that she had sent him after that day in London. From the moment that she had left with her mother until he had opened her letter, he had existed in a state of total panic so severe that Sirius had been worried that Remus was losing his mind. Primarily he had worried that she would reject him. He had let his emotions out of their cage and it was too late to put himself back together again. And now he knew that he was completely lost because if he didn't get her back then he would probably lose whatever control he still had. Control had always been both his problem and his strength, but Edwina had broken through every barrier without trying.

Yet secondarily he worried because he knew that he had no possible way to support her properly. She was used to wealth, but even if she had come from a family with only a moderate income what he could provide would seem like penury. In fact, it was sheer poverty. All that he had were the savings from his year at Hogwarts. He had not yet touched that money before they married, but even in the present he had only used a small portion. When Edwina had sold her necklace...best not to think of that now. But with a baby coming things would change again.

Her letter that day had changed his life. Remus felt for the pocket with the well-worn paper, but he didn't need to pull it out to see the words on it. He knew every word. He was a fool to have married her, in fact he had been a fool to even allow himself to talk to her in the street that first time. He had known he was going to fall in love with her within twenty minutes of beginning that conversation and had done nothing to stop himself. She was the type of witch that any wizard would want; she could have married anyone. The only reason the boys had not fallen over her at Hogwarts had because her extreme shyness had made her nearly invisible. Remus himself had been surprised how quickly she could transform herself into a mousy, nondescript student from the rare moments at Hogwarts that her true beauty had shone. But out in society with her mother pushing her that would have changed. She could hardly have done worse than to marry him and he had been selfish enough to pursue her. But it seems he had gotten his payment. She must have found someone better after all.

Remus looked over to where Edwina was now sleeping soundly. He sighed at how indescribably beautiful she looked as she slept and then stood up to cross to the far corner of the room. Remus looked back once more to be certain she was asleep and pointed his wand below a water stained spot on the wall before murmuring something softly. He immediately walked forcefully through the wall into a small room with grey walls streaked with black marks and a heavily scratched green metal desk. Remus unlocked a drawer with his wand and pulled out his tattered bank book. Of course there were no happy surprises there. He wrote swiftly on a piece of paper a list of items before pausing and then adding, "4 tins canine-grade feed" at the very bottom. He needed to write a letter to Tonks, too, about returning Blackie in the morning.

"Remus." A rough voice emanated from his pocket.

He swore silently and pulled out a small chipped mirror before replying, "What is it Sirius?"

"Have you brought her home?"

"Yes, she is asleep in the next room."

"Everything alright?"

"No, but you knew that. You shouldn't risk contacting me Sirius. You should be more careful."

"Sod being careful Moony, I'm bored out of my effing mind. Nothing to do besides rot in this old hellhole and watch everyone else come and go."

Remus sighed and said urgently, "I know Sirius, but you know why you have to stay there. Please, old friend, don't do anything stupid." He heard a rough laugh and stared into the mirror at the discontented face of his friend. "Sirius, whatever it is, don't."

"Oh I'm not going to do anything _rash_, don't worry. I'll behave."

Remus watched the mirror go blank and thoughtfully touched his finger to the surface and said almost nervously, "James". Nothing happened and Remus frowned. At least Harry was not involved in whatever Sirius was planning. Unless Sirius had reset the contact between James' mirror. Remus touched the mirror again and said clearly, "Show me Harry". Nothing happened, but Remus wondered to himself what he was expecting Harry would have said anyway.

Remus pushed the papers into his pocket along with the mirror and walked back out into the bedroom. He stopped at the foot of the bed and looked at his sleeping wife. There was nothing that he could do to displace the desperate fear that was now living in his gut. He had craved the friendship and acceptance of his two popular friends in school and now he needed the love of this young woman. The two situations were not much different. His need to be loved was really his greatest weakness; greater even than his constant struggle to control the wolf. He had been blind to the faults of his friends and where they might lead. Could he have been that foolish about her? Would she have played him for the lovesick old fool that he undoubtedly was? Had there been some plot to which she had agreed only now to have been obliviated after its completion?

Sirius had said from the very beginning that Remus was a fool. In fact his friend had said much worse. Remus knew that it was admittedly difficult to explain why Edwina would have chosen a middle-aged, very poor, plain faced, lycanthropic wizard. It was true that Sirius had eventually been won over to Remus' surprise and pleasure. Yet despite Remus' own passionate will to have his girl, he had still known how slim his chances of keeping her were. "What is she trying to gain, Moony? I am sorry to say it mate, because I can tell how much she means to you, but I really am afraid that there must be some ulterior motive and I don't want to see you hurt again." Sirius' words from four months before rung in his ears again as Remus stared down at where Edwina was sleeping peacefully. "Don't let a little bit of sex go to your head, Remus, she is 20, what could you possibly have in common?" Remus grimaced when he remembered that, especially since Edwina was very religious. Many witches were, but she had been insistent about following the Church's teachings on sex, so he had not been allowed to touch her until their wedding night. It hadn't been sex, but perhaps the promise of it. Was that what he had wanted so badly? She was beautiful and young and very innocent. She had been willing to do whatever he wanted, since she didn't know anything different. Perhaps Sirius had been right and it was a lonely, old werewolf's base desires that had sent him over the edge. Edwina rolled over in her sleep and Remus smiled suddenly. No, this was far beyond that. He had never thought it possible to be so completely owned by one person before he had fallen in love with her. Remus walked to the bedroom door and was almost out of the room when he heard her soft voice speak.

"Oh, please don't go."

"I didn't see that you were awake."

"I only just woke up, but I had a lovely nap. I don't feel the least bit sleepy now."

Remus looked at the moon clock on the mantle and saw with surprise that it had been two hours. "Do you want to change? Your robes are on the left of the wardrobe."

Edwina shook her head and said instead, "Do I need to?"

Remus, who had opened the door to the wardrobe, turned to look at her. "No, of course not. But you usually don't like to have creased robes and since you fell asleep in those I assumed you would want to change."

Edwina looked down at her robes and saw the wrinkles in her robe and said softly, "Oh. You're right. You know my friends always say that a wrinkle-releasing spell works just as well as hanging them in the cupboard, but I don't think that the folds drape properly after the spell. You always look a little stiff."

Remus felt an odd burst of joy hearing her speak her mind about a topic upon which he had heard her expound many times before. This was familiar. This was his Edwina. The state of his own robes had been a source of constant despair to her. "If you would like to change then I will leave you."

Edwina stood and walked across the room to where Remus was leaning against the wardrobe door. She stared at all the robes in the wardrobe. "These aren't the robes I had before. Did you buy me all those?"

"Yes."

"Oh, you shouldn't have. What a beast I was to have made you."

"You didn't make me, Winnie. I wanted you to be happy and you didn't like most of the robes that your mother bought."

"Yes, but you spent all that money on them when I had dozens of ugly ones already. I'm sure I could have managed for ages with the others."

"You were only able to pack one of the old ones anyway, Winnie. We eloped, so you weren't able to bring much baggage with you."

"We did? Because of my family?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Why? My parents would never have let me marry you; I suppose that was the only way it could have happened. I just hadn't thought about it. At least I brought my favourite things."

Remus looked at her oddly. How did she know what she had brought? But he saw her glance over at the table and realised that she meant her great-aunt's silver set and the old red Bible.

"Remus?"

"Yes, Winnie?"

She whispered, "What happened to my necklace?"

So she _had _noticed it wasn't there. He had wondered when she would notice. He replied bitterly, "It was sold."

"Ohh, I sold it for us and you are still angry about it aren't you?"

Lupin's face showed surprise at her intuition and he said gruffly, "Yes, you sold it without my knowledge."

"I can tell that we don't have much. You don't need to be gloomy about it. I did love that necklace, but it was mine to sell and if it helped us more to get rid of it then it would have been horribly selfish of me to keep it."

Remus turned away from her and stood with his arms crossed, glaring into the fire. "You shouldn't have to do without Winnie. You deserve beautiful things and I shall never be able to give them to you."

"Of course I would like to have house elves and fine things, every witch does, but most of us don't get that. It is even harder to find real love though, isn't it? Isn't that what is important?"

"Yes, I believe that, Winnie. But hardship can break even the deepest love and you will have much hardship if you remain with me. If we are to go forward you must understand what I can offer you."

"Well things look fine to me. The house is nice, everything is neat and polished and cheerful. We aren't living in a cave."

"You worked hard to make the cottage look like it does, Edwina, and you did a wonderful job. But I will never be able to afford anything new, so you will always have to mend what we have. This is not a fairy tale, my dear, it is harsh reality. I cannot legally hold a job because of what I am."

"But you taught at Hogwarts."

"Yes, but there is now a law."

"There is a law? But...do they just want you to starve?"

"Probably, yes. No one wants werewolves, Winnie. This law may be considered extreme, but most of the wizarding world would rather be shut of us."

"But what about the werewolves' families?"

"Most of us don't have families, my love. In fact a law has also been passed that bans werewolves from marrying anyone with magical blood."

"But what about us?"

"Our marriage had already taken place. It doesn't affect us. If we had been married in a muggle ceremony they might have tried to annul it, but because I feared this might happen we were married at the Ministry. They cannot declare our marriage void without permission from one of us."

"Oh. Are there many other laws like this?"

"Yes, but surprisingly they haven't passed a law about werewolves reproducing. I would have thought that would be the first law, frankly. But I am sure that one will be passed as soon as they hear that you are having a baby."

"They can't make us get rid of the child!"

"No, but they may make it impossible for me to have more children in the future."

"No! They can't do that! You aren't an animal."

"I don't think that everyone would agree. To many people werewolves are simply monsters."

"But that is awful. What can you do? Are the other werewolves fighting this?"

"Edwina, we aren't exactly a community. Well, there are communities, but they live outside the normal wizarding world. Those of us who still try to live in the wizarding world are mostly too marginalised to do anything to protect ourselves. We have spent our lives trying to hide our condition, so we aren't too likely to advertise it now."

"So you just take it and do nothing?"

"That is all I can do Winnie. If I fight this then I risk being imprisoned in Azkaban or perhaps worse."

"I can't believe that the Ministry would be so unfair. That doesn't seem possible."

"There are a lot of injustices in our world, Winnie, and a lot of prejudice." Remus watched as Edwina clenched and unclenched her fists in anger.

"I think...well, you know I must have known exactly what I was doing when I married you. I must have understood all of this and not minded."

"No, you did care. You were fiercely angry about it, as you are now. I had to stop you from charging the Ministry."

"Yes, well I was really meaning to say that I must not have been bothered by the lack of money. I knew it would be so and yet still felt I would be happy."

"You wanted me to let you get a job, actually. You never really accepted things as they are."

"Well, why should I? I ought to get a job if you can't. It would help."

"No."

Edwina looked at Remus in surprise. "Why? Lots of witches work these days."

"If you really want a career then I will do everything I can to help you have that. But can you tell me that is what you truly want?" Edwina stared up at him and finally looked away. She couldn't lie and pretend that she did, so she shook her head. She could not understand why he looked as if she had insulted his entire family. But from the excellent impersonation of a stuffed owl that he was giving, Edwina knew that he was very upset. "You told me before that what you wanted most was to raise your own plants and be here at our home, so that is what I promised I would provide for you. I will honour that promise, Winnie."

"But I could work for a while until the baby came and we could save up a bit."

She saw him stiffen more, if possible, as he spoke through clenched teeth, "Especially not now." Edwina was really startled by the anger she saw in him. "We argued this before and I won't do it again. You won't be going out to work because of me. Please do not mention it again."

Edwina turned away and blinked once to push back the tears, "I'm sorry, I was trying to help." She felt his hands on her shoulders and allowed herself to be gently turned around to face him.

"That was unwarranted for me to speak so harshly, Edwina. I am sorry." Remus felt in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief to hand to her. "Please don't cry, my love." His voice was gentle and pleading.

"But.."

Remus shook his head and continued, "I don't know where _we_ will go, but I still love you and I made the promise to support you. Now that we are having a child I will care for him or her, too."

"But what I want and what we have to do can't always be the same. If you have to work some horrid, illegal job and drive yourself mad just to fulfil that promise than I don't want that. You shouldn't indulge me if it makes your life horrible. Anyway I think I would have wanted to help before and I really want to help now."

"Believe me, angel..." Remus' voice tapered off as he scanned her face and touched a hand briefly to her hair, "You do help. You cannot begin to imagine how much."

"How? It sounds like all I did was spend your galleons on robes. We need money and I should help you."

"We have been living off what you earn for growing the apothecary-potions grade plants in addition to my savings. So you have been helping us by doing just what you wanted to do, Edwina. There is no reason for you to do anything more. If one of us has to take a job that we cannot like, I want it to be me. Please let me do that, Edwina."

"But it will be illegal or really horrible, won't it?"

"It won't really be horrible even if I won't like it much. It would be far worse for me to see you unhappy, Winnie."

Edwina nodded her head and said quietly, "For now."

Remus cupped her face with his hands and smiled. "Thank you."

Edwina smiled in return and saw him bend his head towards her. She felt her head buzz and her breath go shallow. When his lips touched hers she felt a wave of emotion rip over her, which caused her to press herself back against him in response. This movement on her part made Remus suddenly snap back to attention. With an expression of concern and uncertainty on his haggard face and ragged breaths shuddering from his chest, Remus gasped, "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

Edwina stared up into his face, stunned and thrilled. She shook her head, saying only, "It's ok."

From the moments when she had awaked next to him and when she learnt of the truth of the present until now, she had been trying desperately to figure out who he was and why she had married him. She had worried, like he had, that she would feel nothing for him. She had been ranging through her emotions from hate to curiosity to dislike to gratefulness to interest to now...attraction. She had felt her skin tingling and her mind had raced with excitement from that one kiss.

"Please believe me, Winnie. I would not mind anything that I had to do to make you happy." Remus looked softly, longingly at her and then abruptly turned towards the door. "I will leave you alone to change. I should...leave you alone." Remus turned on his heel and walked from the room, closing the door behind him.


	10. Chapter 10 Mens Rasura

I would like to thank all of my kind reviewers: Taleel, Julian, FLGemma, and Bri007. It always helps to know that someone is actually reading my story, but it is doubly nice to have you all say such lovely things, too!

Also, it is time to reiterate: I am not JK Rowling. Everything that is written herein is purely for pleasure and not for profit.

Chapter 10

Edwina could not believe how much emotion that single kiss had raised. She was sure those feelings were much more than a crush. How long had it taken before for her to fall in love? She must have still liked him when she met him in the bookstore. Perhaps a year later she still had, but that _was_ a long time to hold onto a crush.

Edwina redressed quickly and opened the bedroom door. She walked back up the hall and stuck her head tentatively into the sitting room, but Remus was not there. Then she looked into the other door on that end of the hall and saw a lavatory. He was standing at a cupboard replacing a dark purple bottle on the top shelf. She stepped inside the small white room and said, "I'm done."

"Why don't you go back into..."

"Oh! How did you do that?" Edwina grabbed up his arm and ran a finger beside a deep gash.

"It is nothing, it will heal. I was just putting medicine on it."

"Is that from changing?"

"Yes, but I don't usually hurt myself, not now."

"You hurt _yourself?_"

"Not on purpose, of course. But sometimes the changes are difficult. Come with me into the sitting room? I have been thinking that perhaps we should contact someone before we take you back to St. Mungo's."

"Who?"

Remus sighed and with a set face said, "First we will talk to Headmaster Dumbledore, alright? You trust him, don't you?"

Edwina narrowed her eyes and spoke slowly, "Ye-es, I do, why?"

"Well, it is hard to explain, actually. Before I do, I need you to understand some things that have been happening recently."

"Okay."

"Do you remember in your fifth year hearing about what happened with Professor Quirrell?"

"I heard a rumour, but it was all rather silly. They said that he'd been possessed by You-know-who, but Father said that was a lie."

"Hmm, well, it was true, actually. Voldemort did possess Professor Quirrell's body. Voldemort is still alive and about six months ago he was reborn into a new body. We believe that he has risen back to full power."

Edwina did not say anything. She sat in total shock and stared with wide, frightened eyes at Remus.

"There was a witness to Voldemort's rebirth, so there is no doubt, Edwina. Yet it was at least a year before that when my friends and I were already convinced that Voldemort had returned. We have been working together since that time."

Edwina was gripping her hands so tightly that Remus placed his hand over them so she would relax them. "You can't be an auror, can you?"

"No, but I was never meant to be an auror. I have fought Death Eaters and will again when I must, Winnie, but I do not seek them out."

Edwina twisted her fingers so that they were now almost holding hands and asked with a frightened gasp, "You fought them?"

"Last time, yes. My friends and I all worked together in a secret organisation. It had to be secret, you understand, to keep us safe against spies for Voldemort. There were many traitors at the Ministry and elsewhere, so we had to be careful."

"I see. I remember being told about how horrible it was. My cousin Harald told me that no one trusted anyone and that friends killed each other."

Remus thought quickly through her family tree and realised with surprise that she probably meant Harald Wodestaff. Wodestaff had almost certainly been a sympathiser, who had passed information regarding the regulation department to Voldemort's spies. "Your cousin was right. That is how it was then and now it is going to become more of the same. The Minister does not want to believe that Voldemort is back, Edwina. He is trying to keep all information about Voldemort or Death Eater activities quiet."

"Why? That's just plain daft. Why would people let this happen again?"

"They don't want to believe that it could happen again, Winnie."

"You and your friends, you are still in that organisation?"

"Some of us have started it again, yes."

"Do I belong, too?"

"No, Winnie. It is a small group."

"So they wouldn't want me?"

Lupin chose his words carefully, "You and I discussed whether you would join about two months ago and we came to a mutual decision that you should not. Members of this organisation have to be able to put themselves in extremely dangerous situations and even push themselves to extreme limits if necessary. You feared whether you could handle yourself if there was a duel. I was and am more concerned about your health. Especially now that there is a baby coming."

"I hate being Breochaidie." Edwina pulled a face and continued angrily, "And I was hopeless at duelling. I don't have a quick reflex or something, I don't know. But don't you think that there are things that I could do, which don't mean having to wave a wand?"

"Yes, there are. You have been raising seven apothecary-potions grade plants for us, which when ready will be used for several potions. It is extremely important that we not advertise having made any of these potions, which ordering ingredients would do."

"Is that all I can do?"

"That is more than enough, Winnie. Was there something else you wanted to do?"

"I don't know. I just don't like being left out."

"I understand that. We can reassess your membership in the organisation later, but I think that we have some more pressing matters to handle first."

"Okay."

"I was saying how important security was for our organisation and this is perhaps even more so now."

"Okay."

"Some of the members of our group feel that there might be some concern for the organisation regarding why your memory was wiped, to put it baldly. I do not know that I agree, but since my loyalty to Headmaster Dumbledore is very well known, it is definitely possible. It was suggested that some more invasive tactics be used to try to...basically to look through your mind. Headmaster Dumbledore absolutely refused to allow it, Edwina, since we had been told that your memories were completely wiped. I have to let him know that this isn't entirely the case."

"What do you mean look through my mind? Is it dangerous or painful or something?"

"It is extremely invasive and will be very unpleasant for you to say the least, my dear. Legilmency is not dangerous to you, no, although what Sev...what was suggested was actually something more complicated than that and very likely traumatic for you."

"You want me to do this?" Edwina asked with apprehension.

"No. Absolutely not. I am unwaveringly opposed to allowing you to undergo Mens Rasura, Edwina. Albus, that is to say Headmaster Dumbledore, wouldn't ask that of me." Remus looked with a frown into the fireplace and muttered, "He wouldn't."

"Would he ask it of _me_, Remus?"

Remus turned to face Edwina again, "You are right, it is you who would have to really agree to any of this. But I'm afraid that you might be more willing than I would be to risk your health."

"It is my health to risk, isn't it?"

"Not now, no. It is also our baby that would be affected."

"Oh. I had forgotten."

Remus nodded and his hoarse voice was full of emotion, "I wouldn't allow you to undergo Mens Rasura, under any circumstances, Edwina." He walked over to where she was sitting on the arm of the chintz chair. "You say that you want to stay with me and try to love me again?" Remus lifted her face with his hand on her chain so he could look into her eyes. "If you stay then you will have to learn to accept that I will never put you at risk. I will do what I have to do, Winnie, but you won't put yourself in danger, do you understand?" Edwina nodded her head. "You are too important, my dear, and that is only more true now that we are having a baby."

"You don't think that you are important, too? You wouldn't let me do something to help you?" Remus stood awkwardly next to Edwina, who had stood up next to him. "The way you talk about things it is like everything is for me and you do all the work. I mean, is that how it was before? Was I happy letting you make a heap of sacrifices without doing anything for yourself?"

"That isn't how it was. You would never have allowed that, no."

"I hope not, because I can't imagine how I could have been so selfish. You are important, too, Remus. I...I mean you are a..." Edwina stammered and felt her cheeks burning. "I think you are rather wonderful, you know." Edwina stared fixedly at the thin brown buttons on Remus' robes and hoped that he believed her. She felt his left hand on her arm and looked up shyly.

"Thank you." Edwina could not quite read the expression on his face, but could see very deep emotion in his eyes as he looked down at her. Remus kissed her forehead and said gruffly, "I think that we ought to talk to Headmaster Dumbledore, don't you?"

Chapter 10, Part 2

"Professor Snape? Is that really who Headmaster means?"

Remus pressed his lips together and nodded his head. "Yes. Severus would be the best choice. He is one of the most accomplished Legilmens that I know, but more importantly he is a member of our organisation, Winnie. He understands the need for secrecy."

"But everyone at school always said that Professor Snape had been a Death Eater."

"Severus Snape worked with us last time, as well as now. But this is extremely dangerous information, Edwina. You _cannot_ tell anyone about this or what we talked of before. Do you understand?

"Yes, but it doesn't matter, I couldn't bear it. You said that he would be looking through my mind. I just couldn't."

"Then you won't do it, Edwina. No one is going to force you."

"Would I remember more when he was done?"

"No, not if all he does is Legilmency."

"The other thing though..."

"Possibly, but I can't allow it, Edwina."

"Even if I could remember everything?"

"You wouldn't. It isn't a cure. If there were a cure then St. Mungo's healers would have used it. No, Mens Rasura would dig out residual memories. You would have half memories, essentially vague feelings, no more. And there would be no differentiation between bad memories, which you might have purposely suppressed, and memories that were forcibly suppressed. It is very dark magic, Edwina. In fact, Severus would not perform the spells himself. There is a cost to be paid for magic of that degree and I am the only one who could be expected to pay it."

"You would have to do it?"

"Yes, although Severus would have to do the actual scans."

"Oh, so it is dangerous because it involves dark arts?"

"Yes, because with all dark magic, Edwina, a price is paid by the both the caster of the spell and the recipient. The damage to your mind and memory could be severe if we made any mistakes, but even if it were done correctly you would be traumatised merely by the experience. Since you are a Breochaidie, the spellcasting could do much worse. I cannot allow you to consider it."

"It sounds horrible."

"There is a reason why the dark arts are to be avoided, Winnie."

"How do you know so much about this?" Remus did not respond. He looked grimly at her and shook his head. "So there isn't anything we can do that would give me back my memory."

"Not like it was, no. Unless your memories were not erased, but merely taken and stored in a pensieve, which I should think was extraordinarily unlikely, then the best thing you could ever get is the residual memory."

"So what do we do?"

"Are you asking what I want you to do?"

"Yes."

"That is hard to say, Edwina. I know that the experience would be mortifying for you and for personal reasons the thought of Severus invading your mind is doubly undesirable. There is a part of me that wants to be sure that there isn't anything that Severus could find, but it is not a good idea. We should take you to St. Mungo's tomorrow morning and let them do more tests."

"Ok." Edwina placed her hands lightly on his chest and asked softly, "Is there something that you are afraid of finding?" Remus placed his arms around her.

"There can't be any good reason why this was done to you, Winnie." Remus thought to himself, as he pressed her to him and breathed in the scent of her hair, that there was no reason to raise his suspicions to her. As afraid of having his belief confirmed as he was, he wanted to know so badly it was almost a physical need. He had seriously considered convincing her to allow Severus Snape to come walk through her mind, in case Snape could have found some proof one way or the other. But an answer would only mean that two wizards would be tortured, one to death and the other for the rest of his life. Remus felt surprise at the list of really unpleasant curses that had already formed in his mind to be used. But whoever the mysterious man was he had not needed to use any magic to permanently curse Remus' soul, just basic masculine anatomy.

"No. What do you think happened?"

"I don't know, Winnie. It doesn't make sense no matter what theories I have."

"I think it was my father. I don't know why he would have, but somehow I feel it was he."

Since this corresponded exactly with Remus' own thought, he was not too surprised. "It is possible, my love. Your father has always had his own motivations, many of them somewhat, erm, dodgy. And I do suspect that he would be pleased to do what he could to unmake our relationship."

"Was he vicious about our marriage?"

"Quite."

"Father was always difficult, Remus. He loved me, but I rather think that he hated Mother. I think that he resented that the money belonged to her."

"Perhaps that was so, Edwina, but you are right that he cared for you."

"Oh yes, he did. But that was only when he remembered that he had a daughter. Marrying without his permission would have reminded him, I suspect."

"Marrying a much older, very poor werewolf would upset any father, angel."

Edwina rested her head absently on his shoulder. "You are at pains to remind me of that. I think that I have got it by now."

Remus looked down at the shiny, dark-haired head that was resting against his chest and smiled ruefully, without answering. He ran his hand along her back lightly until she spoke again. "I think you are right that there are excellent reasons why marrying you was an illogical, silly sort of thing to do. But weren't there even better reasons why it wasn't?"

"That depends on one's priorities, doesn't it?"

"Yes, and I think that friendship, family, and love are the most important things. I think you do too, don't you?"

"Yes, absolutely."


	11. Chapter 11 Licentiae

Chapter 11

Edwina looked up at Remus' face when she heard this very forceful response. "I cannot imagine turning my back on my friends. It is so hard to believe that we could possibly have fought so bitterly. They really did tease me about how much I liked you, but I didn't think they really meant it. I wish I knew what they said or what I said."

Remus frowned and pulled her with him to sit in the large well-worn green leather chair. As he settled her in his lap he felt a thrill of satisfaction that she seemed comfortable with such intimacy. "I believe that they would be very happy to speak with you again, Winnie."

"But what happened? I know you know, please tell me."

"Your friends tried very hard to convince you not to marry me. It was more the poverty than my lycanthropy. You had never lived without certain things and I think that they felt you would be unhappy."

"But that's my decision! I can't imagine them saying anything horrid enough that I wouldn't speak to them."

"Well Winnie, sometimes friends say things that they don't mean and let their emotions get out of control. I think that perhaps you were all guilty of that somewhat."

"But if they were really my friends they would still love me even if I married Professor Snape, let alone someone nice like you."

Remus heard himself described as "nice" and felt a prickling of disappointment, but then thought momentarily of Patience Snape and said softly, "Severus Snape does a lot of good for our organisation, Edwina. There is a lot more to him than just being a professor."

Edwina made a face and said derisively, "I don't think anyone who has ever had Professor Snape as a teacher could ever think of him kindly and you know it."

Remus privately agreed, but said gently, "Let us hope that isn't the case, Winnie. I am sure he is very different with his wife than his students."

Edwina wrinkled up her nose and laughed, "Well I think the only person who would marry him would be someone nasty like him anyway."

Remus placed his hands on Edwina's waist so that she stood up and he reached into his pocket for a battered tobacco tin with a faded portrait of a woman's face painted on the lid, before walking to the mantelpiece where a long white clay pipe lay. "Edwina, that is not kind."

Edwina flushed and after a moment said penitently, "You're right. Is he really married? I never heard of him having a wife and one never saw her at Hogwarts, did one?"

Remus had lit the pipe and leaned against the wall next to the fireplace. He absently fingered the design on the front of the tin before replacing it in a pocket. Light blue smoke began to float out of the small bowl as he stared at a point on the wall behind Edwina. Finally he spoke in the gentle and deliberate voice Edwina had heard him use in his lectures, "Yes, he is married. It is not precisely a secret, but it isn't something that either Severus or those of us who know him are discussing publicly, either."

"Why not?"

"Severus is married to a young witch a year younger than yourself."

"Ohhh, oh I can't believe it! Do I know her?"

"Yes, I should imagine so. She was a Hufflepuff. Patience Kent?"

"You _can't_ be serious, no! Kent is so lovely and beautiful and sweet and Professor Snape is just awful, ugly, and _old_! How could she ever marry him?"

Remus Lupin turned to face the fire and as Edwina impatiently waited for his answer she saw from his hunched shoulders and stiff posture how very tense he was. He took a long pull off the pipe and blew out the smoke slowly before responding. "It isn't our place to judge her choice, Edwina. Hopefully their marriage is happy. Most people would look at our marriage with disapproval, too. Severus may have an unpleasant reputation, but I am a werewolf. Severus is the same age that I am, Winnie, and you are only a year older than she." When he heard Edwina gasp out a sob, Remus turned in time to see her racing from the room with her hands over her mouth. He could hear her running down the hall towards the bedroom. Pausing only long enough to set the clay pipe back on the mantelpiece, Remus stalked from the room to follow her.

He stood beside the bed and looked down at the sobbing girl draped across the faded green coverlet. He spoke with some asperity, "Winnie, what is wrong?"

"I don't want to talk, please. Can't I be alone?"

Remus cleared his throat and said gruffly, "Winnie, look at me." Edwina turned and tried to read the mixture of emotions written on his face. She continued to sniffle as she waited for him to speak. "I don't know anything about the Snapes and their marriage. Most of us have assumed that the marriage was a formal, arranged one. I do not know if this is true or false. But if you do meet Professor Snape or his wife then you absolutely must be careful what you say."

"Careful about what?"

"Severus is an extremely private person, Winnie. He is very protective about his relationship with his wife. Also, he and I were at school together and we did not get on well then. Although we work together professionally, we do not have much personal contact."

"You don't like each other, that is what you mean."

Remus sighed. "Essentially, yes. But I still have immense respect for him, Winnie."

"I'm sure he's very clever and powerful, Remus, but he's awful, he's an awful person. You know how he treats us in class." Winnie was sitting on the edge of the bed by this time, looking up into Remus' face, obviously hoping to make him understand.

"Yes, I do know. But we cannot make the mistake of ignoring his good parts nor of underestimating his power. He has abilities that very, very few people know about, Winnie. In fact he does not know that I am aware of this and would be furious if he did know."

"What do you mean?"

"Professor Snape has a skill that he keeps secret. There are a number of reasons why, but if I am correct and Voldemort and his supporters do not know, then we must help keep his secret for him."

"What is it? What can he do? Is he a parselmouth?"

"No. He is a promethian."

"What is that?"

"Essentially it means that he can control fire. It is a very complex power with many uses in dark magic, Edwina."

"Does he use it to help your organisation?"

"No. No one else in our organisation knows, Edwina. I only know because I actually knew another promethian once. I recognised a habit of Valentin's in Severus."

"I'm scared of him already, Remus, what do you want me to say?"

"I am not trying to make you afraid of him."

"You want me to let you contact him about the mind reading?"

Remus shook his head and finally asked the question he needed to know, "Why did you run in here, Winnie?"

Edwina wiped her face clean again and bit her lip as she hesitated. "I don't know I just thought of Kent, who is so pretty, trapped with someone horrible like Professor Snape and then I thought about how I just woke up married and pregnant and it all just seemed rather unbelievable. Sort of like a dream and I'm scared. I still like you, but I don't know if I want this or if it's even all real."

Remus leaned against the chair beside the bed and said softly, "I'm scared, too, Winnie."

"Really? Why?"

Remus laughed bitterly and said with some force, "Because, angel, I love you." He looked at Edwina to read her reaction and continued, "You still say and do the same things, you think the same way. You are still _my_ Edwina with whom I fell madly in love and yet you don't remember any of it. How did you expect I would feel?" Remus was now standing directly in front of her as he said in a cracking voice, "With you I had more than I'd ever dreamed of having, you know." He pulled both her hands together and held them in his own. "I never expected that any woman would ever love me, Edwina. Werewolves don't...I have never been...Winnie, can't you imagine what you mean to me? Sod the consequences, I wanted you and somehow I got you. It is only more terrifying to know I might no longer have you when I know _exactly_ what I would be losing."

Edwina breathed out a sigh, "It is hard to believe you feel that way. It doesn't seem real."

"What would make it seem real, my love? I can't give you back our past. All we can do is make the present."

"I know, but why would you love me? You are lettered aren't you? Whatever did we talk about? Didn't I bore you?"

"No, why would you? Do you find yourself boring?"

Edwina laughed a little, "No, of course not."

"I don't think that all persons who earn their letters or become masters are impossible to talk to, Winnie. I hope not because I can't exactly hand all my degrees back."

Edwina laughed again, "What was your subject?"

"I read for European and Asian Dark Creatures, as well as Unrestrained Natural Magic (Readers: please see below)."

"Oh! Wow. Did you get the master in all of them?"

"No, I only took a master in European Dark Creatures and a specialist in Eastern European Magical Subcultures."

Edwina stared at the man standing in front of her and exclaimed softly, "Cor!"

Remus fidgeted uncomfortably. University level education was not common in the wizarding world, but to have multiple degrees was very rare. He never used his letters for Unrestrained Magic or the specialist in Subcultures, since they were strange enough to warrant comment from even scholars. He had been the only English student in 59 years to study Magical Subcultures. He also knew that Edwina was intimidated by her opinion of his intelligence, since she was so self-conscious about her own abilities. She had been before, as well.

"Those are all dark arts, aren't they?"

"They are all involved with dark arts, yes. But I do not practise dark magic, Edwina."

"And all I do is herbology."

Remus impatiently waved his hand and said briskly, "As we discussed earlier, Winnie, you do herbology brilliantly. The world doesn't need too many wizards or witches to study Unrestrained Magic. It is esoteric and useful to a bare few."

"But whatever did we talk about together?"

"Frankly it was never a problem. I cannot imagine being bored with you, Winnie."

"Well we'd only been together a few months anyway."

Remus Lupin pulled his wife up to him so that her chin pressed into his chest. He then drew his hand along her back and said, "I think that is enough, Winnie." Edwina surprised herself and Remus by burrowing her face in his robes and bursting into tears. After several minutes of holding his gustily crying wife, Remus moved to pick her up and tenderly lifted her into the bed. It had been an extremely long day. Since he had brought her home early that morning until now, when it was getting quite late, they had covered miles of extremely rough emotional ground. "It is long past time to sleep. I'll hand you your nightdress and then leave you to change. I think we have both been through too much today to continue."

Edwina had stopped crying in surprise when he had placed her on the soft feather mattress, but was still feeling the riot of confused emotions that had caused her to react so tearfully. "You'll come back, won't you? Please."

"I think it might be best if I stay in the sitting room tonight, don't you?"

"Oh. Do you want to stay there? There are only chairs in there."

Remus spoke in a joking tone with a light smile on his lips, "I think that I am sufficiently experienced to transfigure a chair to last through one night. Even if it reverts, I could sleep on a chair."

"You could stay here if you want."

"I want you to feel comfortable and I don't know how comfortable you will feel sleeping next to me tonight."

Edwina reached her arms up so that Remus leaned in to her. She looped her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "Kiss me again?"

As he pulled away from the kiss Remus took a very deep breath to calm himself. She had no idea how she affected him. Although there was no possible way for him to refuse her request, it was more painful than helpful to be allowed to be so close to her. Being tantalised by his greatest desire was proving harder than anything he had ever experienced.

"You can stay here. I won't mind."

Remus said slowly, "I have an owl to send actually. I will let you get to sleep whilst I finish up a few things and then I will come in to sleep. Perhaps that will keep the awkwardness to a minimum." Edwina nodded and picked up the nightdress that he had laid next to her. She began to slowly unbutton the front of her robes and sighed with some relief when the door closed behind her and she was alone.

**Author's Note (An explanation of wizarding university degrees):**

Similar to older style English universities, one reads in college towards a degree (equivalent to a bachelor's degree), which is called a _licentia_, plural _licentiae_. The degree equivalent to a muggle Master's degree is a _magister_, which is referred to in common conversation as "a master", not to be confused with a wizard or witch belonging to a professional guild who has obtained the rank of Master. A person with this degree is called a Magister/Magistra (m/f)). The specialist degree is a practical degree. Students generally study exclusively with one Schoolman/Schoolwyf (head professor under which the student is apprenticed) and engage in large amounts of fieldwork. Completion of programme is elected by the college after the student's presentation of research.

Any sort of degree can also be referred to as "having letters". However, this term is also used for a person who has finished any Ministry-registered training programme and been elected to the official professional society or guild. Wizards or witches who belong to a professional guild may legally use the letters of their society (such as RSAC for the Royal Society of Astrometric Cartographers) after their name in all official correspondence. Wizards and witches with university degrees may use the letters for their degrees in all correspondence (for example M.Ach. for a _magister achaemensis_, the master in organic potions)without fear of social misstep.

**Author's Note (This note is for Bri007, but I am posting it here in case anyone else was confused):**

Mens Rasura is explained in part 1 and 2 of Chapter 10, but I shall write more here to help clarify. Mens Rasura would bring out vague memories of things having happened, but one wouldn't actually remember details. This could drive a person mad depending on which memories were brought out, for example if you remembered being at a party but not when/with whom/what happened then this would be traumatic to be suddenly inundated with hundreds of memory fragments you could not explain. In combination with legilmency, it might be possible for someone to figuratively walk through the various fragments of memories that Mens Rasura would bring back and to form some sort of pattern to explain who did this to Edwina or perhaps if Edwina _herself _did something to betray the Order. However it is possible that the only memories that would be retrieved from that particular day might be when she was looking out a window and of brushing her teeth, so there is absolutely no guarantee that anything useful would be found. This is the ultimate long shot, in other words, and very, very dangerous dark magic.

In response to your question as to what Lupin believes is going on, he believes that Edwina has been unfaithful to him. Arthur Weasley was spot on when he was thinking that Lupin believes that the baby Edwina is carrying is not his. Therefore this is what is meant when Lupin thinks to himself that the unknown man who Lupin believes must have fathered this child did not need to be a wizard to curse Lupin, just "basic masculine anatomy". To someone like Remus Lupin, there is no spell curse that could be worse than losing his wife. It is important to note that even though he believes that she is not carrying his child, Lupin still wants her and does not intend to tell her his suspicions. You will see more about this in the next chapter.

Remember that everything you see is entirely subjective. You either see something completely from Lupin's point of view (such as his belief that any wizard who sees Edwina would want her - she is pretty but not the stunner he believes her to be) or Edwina's point of view (such as 1 - you have only seen Hatishall Cottage through her eyes, but there is certainly much more to it and 2 - Lupin is always referred to as "Lupin" when Edwina is still unsure of where there relationship is heading and "Remus" after she makes the decision to move forward with him at the end of Ch. 8). Very occasionally you will see things from Sirius Black's or another character's viewpoint, too, but it is also always highly subjective. So the entire story progresses mainly from two very subjective viewpoints that are intertwined. This means that sometimes you will only get bits and pieces of what is going on, but this is quite on purpose. Everything will come together as the story builds. Since neither Edwina nor Lupin have any idea what the other is thinking or what is _really _going on, neither will you until the proper time.

Hopefully this helps to clarify things. Thank you for your feedback, I'm so pleased you have enjoyed reading my story.


	12. Chapter 12 Black

Chapter 12

Once he had shut the bedroom door and gotten halfway down the hall, Remus leaned against the wall and slowly sank to the ground where he sat holding his head. It was all too much. He let the silent tears run down his face as he sat huddled miserably on the old, worn rug. Suddenly he lifted his head and turned his face in the direction of the lounge door. Someone had just come though the floo. Wand raised, Remus dragged himself up from the floor and took two steps toward the door before he saw Sirius Black standing in the doorway. "Sirius, what are you doing? You shouldn't be here. Travelling by floo, you could be tracked."

"You look like hell warmed over Remus."

Remus dropped his wand and stuffed it in a pocket before pulling out a handkerchief to wipe his face. "Thanks."

"I brought a bottle of Rumpole's best. Thought you might need some and looks like I was too right."

Remus pushed the handkerchief back in his pocket and pulled out the two notes he needed to owl. "God yes. Rumpole's...your father did have excellent taste in Bloodwhisky (Readers: please see note below) if nothing else."

"Found 11 bottles of black Aquavit, too. Well, only 7 now."

Remus sighed and said, "I have to send these owls first."

As he said this the two men heard a fragile-sounding feminine voice calling from the bedroom. Black saw the look that briefly passed over his friend's face and reached his hand out for the notes. "Let me send them, you go to her."

Remus passed the papers to his friend without thinking and walked back toward the bedroom. Black went down the hall to the small library at the far end and crossed the room to where Remus' owl Lunessa was sitting gloomily in her cage. He opened the door and then paused. He looked at the notes and saw that one was headed to Daedalus. Black quickly crossed to a heavy oak desk, which was covered in carvings, including a 'Sator' magic square in the centre of the writing surface, where he found a scrap of unused parchment. Black scribbled a few lines and wrote a line of numbers at the end of the note before rolling it up and shoving Remus' note to Daedalus in his pocket. He then let the small tawny owl out of her cage and spoke urgently to her, "Take this one to Daedalus and the other one to Auror Tonks, right? No need to wait for replies from either, I expect." Black then waved his wand at the window and let the owl go.

By the time that Remus trudged into the kitchen, Black had already poured out two glasses full of deep red liquor. "You'll need to get started to catch up."

Remus sunk into his chair and without a word tipped back the entire glass. "Won't be a problem." Black raised his eyebrows, but just filled Remus' glass once more.

"So do I have to ask?"

"You already heard what the healers said from my report to Albus."

"Yes, we all did. But that isn't what I'm asking and you know it."

"She wants to take a job."

"Ah."

"But I think I've sorted that."

Remus tossed back his second glass and shoved it towards Black, who said carefully, "So what are _you_ going to do then?"

"I have no idea. She's 8 weeks pregnant."

Black, who had just begun to fill his own glass again, sharply set down the bottle and looked at his friend. "I see."

"Oh, no need to worry about the odds of the baby being born with fangs. It isn't mine. It can't be."

Black almost spat out the sip he had just taken from his glass and wiped the red liquid from his lips before saying incredulously, "Ridiculous, Remus. She worshipped you. There is no way she would have cheated."

"The healers told me to within 36 hours when it had to have happened: the hours up to and including full moon. I know _everything_ I did during that time."

Black shook his head and said roughly, "I cannot believe that Remus. I saw her with you. It was sick-making how much she thought of you."

"I thought she loved me, too. God knows I couldn't believe my luck, but I did believe it."

"You haven't told her this?"

"No."

"What are you going to do?"

"It depends on her, Sirius. If she will stay with me then obviously I want her."

Black tried to hide the pity he felt. If he were as hopelessly in love as Remus was and he believed his wife to have gotten pregnant by another man, Black knew that he would ruthlessly track the man down and kill him painfully. It didn't bear thinking what he would do to the woman either. But Remus had always blamed himself when others let him down. Remus had made excuses for James and Sirius countless times and covered for them when necessary. It should be no surprise that he would not only refuse to blame his wife, but would protect her now from his suspicions.

Remus watched Black as he sat there thinking. Remus had seen the deep pity his friend felt for him and had to look away. He felt a prickling of shame and closed his eyes. "Don't be stingy, Sirius. There's more than half the bottle left."

Several glasses later Black looked up from the rim of his glass, which he had been stroking absently with his finger, and saw Edwina Lupin standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Remus heard Black's sharp intake of breath and turned around to see where his friend was looking. "Winnie, are you alright?" Winnie was staring fearfully at the man seated across from him.

"He's Sirius Black. The man in the posters."

Black stood up and backed away slightly from the table whilst Remus stood quickly and moved across to Edwina. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Yes, but it is alright. He didn't do what he was accused of doing."

"H-how do you know? What is he doing here?" Edwina clutched the sleeve of Remus' robe.

"Sirius is a school friend of mine, as was the man he was accused of killing. I will explain it to you, Winnie, but Sirius is innocent of the crime. He was never a follower of Voldemort."

Edwina peered fearfully up into Remus' face and said, "But he was in Azkaban. I don't understand."

Remus looked over at his friend and saw that Black stood breathing heavily with his hand hanging by his side, gripping his wand. "I will explain it, but I need you to trust me. Sirius was not guilty. He is part of our organisation. Headmaster Dumbledore trusts him, as do I."

Edwina continued to hold onto Remus' sleeve as she stared over at Black. She looked back at Remus and then turned again to face Black. "You were in Azkaban for 12 years and you weren't even guilty?" Black kept his eyes on her face as he nodded his head. "That's...that is one of the most awful things I've ever heard." Edwina whispered and crossed the room to where Black stood. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Black. I can't imagine how horrible it must have been." She looked up at the wary, dangerous looking face of Sirius Black and continued, "Did I know you? Before, I mean?"

Black cleared his throat and said roughly, "Yes."

"Will you forgive me for having been scared?"

Remus saw Black slip his wand back in his pocket and quickly glance at Remus before answering sarcastically, "Sometimes I have that effect on people."

Edwina smiled weakly. "I'm sorry just the same. Would you rather I left you two alone? I didn't mean to interrupt anything, I was just hungry."

Black pulled out his chair and gestured for her to sit down and then moved his glass around to the end of the table.

Remus was now standing right behind her and responded quietly, "No, sit down in the chair and I'll heat some soup for you. Is that alright?"

Edwina nodded and scooted the chair forward slightly. "Mr. Black..."

Black interrupted her, "Sirius."

"Sirius, would you tell me?"

Remus turned his head sharply, pausing in mid-pour, and saw Sirius nod. Remus set the soup on the gas ring and lit the flame, clenching his jaws and silently hoping Sirius would behave. "What did happen?" Remus groaned inwardly. He had hoped that she would have understood that he would tell her later.

"I would have killed him if I had a chance. He was a traitor. He had betrayed our best friend James and his wife to death, to Voldemort."

"The man who died?"

"He didn't die. He faked his death."

"Oh! And James Potter was best friend to Remus too?"

Remus answered quickly, "Yes Edwina. James, Sirius, Peter, and I were all friends in school. Peter was a traitor who betrayed the Potters, but everyone thought Sirius was guilty. Only a few people know the truth now. I didn't know the truth until recently."

Edwina thought suddenly about their conversation earlier about friendship and understood that Sirius Black must mean an incredible amount to Remus. "We can't do anything to prove you're not guilty?"

"No. I have to stay in hiding."

"Is it dangerous for you to be here?"

Sirius snorted, "Remus would say it is. The house is unplottable, I'm untraceable. I'm not worried."

Remus poured out the soup into a bowl and brought the bowl and spoon over to the table. "And you're wrong Sirius, but there isn't any point in arguing it. Here is your soup, Winnie."

Sirius watched his friend's very young wife as she looked up at Remus, who was setting the bowl in front of her. The girl didn't feel nothing for Remus; she clearly had very strong feelings for him. What was going on?

"You knew Remus at Hogwarts?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

Edwina looked up in surprise, but saw that Sirius was joking and relaxed. "What was he like then?"

Sirius laughed, "Remus was a prefect. He was a very good boy, very studious and obedient." Edwina looked as if she didn't believe him entirely so Sirius continued, "The most responsible student I ever knew."

Remus shook his head, "That isn't saying much, Sirius."

"That's true, considering you hung out with us. But he was the cleverest wizard of our year in Gryffindor. He lived by _scientia lumen vitae_."

"Oh."

"Nonsense Sirius, you passed everything without even opening your books."

Sirius looked at Remus and said with a laugh, "So could you have done, but you were too much of a swot. You're the one who studied under Bogdanovici aren't you?"

"Who is that?

Sirius answered before Remus, whose face was pink with embarrassment, could speak, "He was a notorious, cruel old bastard at Gammelmagisk Universitet (Readers: please see note below), who would only take on students who could pass his logic test. Remus was the first student to pass in 11 years, weren't you Moony?"

"You went to Universitet?" Edwina said with awe.

Remus nodded and spoke with an edge, "Sirius, please."

"But Universitet only takes one British student each year!" Remus nodded in confirmation. "Were you there for all your degrees?"

"No, when I taught at l'Accademia, I got a specialist there."

"I didn't know you taught at university."

"It was a special arrangement. I couldn't afford tuition."

"So you taught at Universitet, too?"

"I tutored when I was reading for the licentiae and I taught when I was studying for the master."

Edwina looked at him and swallowed the last mouthful of her soup before asking, "Could you..."

"No. I have already tried. No reputable school wants me, Edwina."

"Oh."

**Author's note (wizarding liquors):**

Bloodwhisky, black Aquavit, and l'Armangac Noir de Limousin are the most sought after of all wizard liquors. Bloodwhisky, which is made in County Westmeath, Ireland, is the most affordable of the three _liquors majestueux_. It is thicker than either its more plebeian cousin, Firewhisky, or any of the muggle whiskeys, and has a brilliant blood-like colour. Although it is made with a mash like all whiskeys, there are two important additional ingredients: bloodwillow and rhineflower. Rhineflower has a calming effect on the nervous system and counteracts many of the usual side effects of alcohol use, whilst bloodwillow is a powerful psychoactive ingredient. (Note: Firewhisky, the more common drink amongst British and American wizards, is made with a small amount of tincture of rhineflower, as well as variable amounts of ashwinder ash. The grades of Firewhisky are determined by the amount of ash that is used.)

Black Aquavit is a liquor made in Sweden and portions of Norway. It has a strong anise and liquorice flavour with a mild peat moss undertone. The mould from spoiling stygg berries (berries that grow on wild thorny bushes in the peat bogs of three small areas in Norway and Sweden) is harvested and the poisonous distillate is blended with fermented potato distillate and then aged. The extract of stygg berry slowly decays into a chemical that is potable only after a minimum of 24 years of aging in alderwood casks.

The creation of L'Armangac Noir de Limousin is a heavily guarded secret known only to two wizarding families in the Limousin region of France. The liquor, which has been known to command up to 900 galleons per cask, is said to be mildly addictive and renders the drinker impervious to emotional pain as well as heightening sensory perception.

**Author's note (wizarding universities):**

There are only 3 wizarding universities in Europe. In addition to these all-wizard universities, both l'Universite Catholique de Louvain and Trinity College have small programmes for training wizards and witches for careers in muggle diplomacy and international wizarding relations (Louvain also has the only all-wizard seminary).

During the Soviet years, the old Institute of Alchemy and Sorcery at the Solovki Monastery near the White Sea, was closed down and moved to the current location outside Kiev. Between 1921 and 1970 the Institute of Alchemy and Sorcery, still commonly referred to as Solovki, was rarely attended by wizards or witches who lived outside the Soviet bloc. Between 1979 and 1993 Solovki was open only to ethnic Slavic students, but was opened in 1994 to any qualifying student who could demonstrate a proficiency in Old Slavonic, the language of instruction at the Institute. Solovki has a reputation for graduating a heavy percentage of wizards focusing on the Dark Arts. The Solovki licentia programme is 2 years with a 12-month schooling calendar.

L'Accademia di l'Alchemia e Stregoneria, the campus for which was built largely with funds from the famous Medici family, is located in Florence, Italy. This is the university most often attended by wizards from Western Europe. Although the most prestigious programmes are Medical Arts, Structures of Organic Potions, Applied Transfiguration, and Theoretical Charms, the university offers licentiae in 19 programmes. L'Accademia has both three and four year licentia programmes the length of which is determined by subject of study.

Gammelmagisk Universitet, which was established in 1371 by King Waldemar IV, is now located on the Island of Fyn on the campus finished by King Christian III in 1546. Gammelmagisk Universitet is commonly referred to as Universitet (literally meaning University) in non-Germanic countries. This university is the most prestigious wizarding university in the world. Danish and Scandinavian wizards are given precedence in admission. Quotas of between 1-2 students are set for each country with which the Ministry Governing Danish Sorcery has amicable relations. However only 40 students are admitted each year with rare exceptions. Degrees are notoriously difficult to obtain with only 45 of students achieving licentia. All licentia programmes are set by the Schoolman/Schoolwyf and can take from three to five years to complete depending on the Schoolman's determination.

Note: The legendary Da Wang Li Shimin University, which was located in old Chang'an and long considered the top wizarding university, despite the fact that European, Arabic, and African wizards were denied admission until 1704, was closed in 1949. The current state of wizarding education in China is unfortunately abysmal. Only 413 scrolls and 207 books from the famous university library are known to have survived the fire that destroyed the old university compound.


	13. Chapter 13 A very good boy

Chapter 13

Sirius watched the couple as they talked. He could see that Remus wanted to drop the discussion and was extremely uncomfortable. Sirius couldn't understand why Remus was so insecure and reticent about his achievements. Remus' academic prowess was incredibly impressive. According to what Bill Weasley had told Sirius shortly after Remus' marriage, only 4 living English wizards held a master from Universitet. A drunk and unusually confiding Remus had also once told Sirius that the defence of Remus' specialist research had been tenuous because only one of the college faculty was able to understand enough of the theory. Remus had admitted how nervous he had been when he had been forced to teach a short series of lectures to the faculty in order to prepare them for his presentation and the subsequent degree election. Sirius, to whom school had always been easy but only a means to an end, could not imagine purposely choosing to spend his life researching and studying. But Sirius had sufficient intellect to have had the possibility of a university career if he had wished it. Of course he had joined James in becoming an auror instead, which had seemed like a far more exciting and interesting career.

Sirius brought his attention back to Remus, who was standing beside his wife's chair and saying in the tender voice Sirius had only ever heard Remus use with Edwina, "...for all the universities. Therefore I couldn't hide my condition, Winnie. The only way I was able to enter Universitet was because my Schoolman, Professor Bogdanovici, so rarely accepted pupils that they agreed to take me on. I had to live outside the university and was confined to a special cage during my transformation. But when Professor Bogdanovici died I had to leave to finish my specialist at l'Accademia with one of his only other pupils. None of the faculty welcomed me then and even less now."

Sirius looked over at Edwina to gauge her reaction and saw a look of real anger. Clearly Edwina's opinions of wizarding academia were grim, but he thought that they still paled in comparison to Sirius' own. Sirius spoke aloud, "They are fools, Edwina. The wizarding world has allowed itself to become so prejudiced and insular that it is strangling itself. Remus is excellent proof that all the prejudices are baseless. He is a half-blood and a half-human and yet he is one of the most competent, intelligent, and steady wizards in Britain."

Remus winced and picked up Edwina's bowl to carry to the sink. Edwina asked, "I thought you said that both your parents were magical?"

Remus flicked his wand at the water pump and the dishes began to wash themselves. "My mother was muggle-born. I would rather not discuss this, Sirius."

Sirius nodded and leaned back in his chair. Edwina looked at the misery that was written on Remus' face and repressed a sudden impulse to run over and hug him. She turned back to Sirius and asked in a lighter tone, "What was he really like in school? I don't believe that he was all books and nothing else."

Sirius grinned wickedly at Remus, who jabbed his wand at the water pump to stop the washing before stalking over to the table. As Remus sat down at the table and grabbed his glass, Sirius said in a joking voice, "We were all very bad boys. Moony was the good one, but..."

Remus interrupted, "But I always went along with them. We were a little wild and very full of ourselves."

"We had fun." Sirius said to Edwina. "No one ever beat Moony at duelling."

Edwina assumed that Moony must have been Remus' nickname and wondered what Sirius' had been. She could tell that Sirius had been a hellion at school and wondered what Remus had really been like. She found herself to be quite relieved to find that Remus had not been just a bookworm or the sort of prefect that was as stiff as Hazel Goodwin had been in sixth year or poncy like the dead boring Gerry Younge. "I wonder what my friends and I would have thought of you."

"Probably that we were arrogant prats." Sirius laughed and looked at Remus, who was smiling slightly. "But look how we turned out, so no worries."

Edwina was leaning her sleepy head on her hand when she felt herself being lightly shaken by Remus. "Come on, my love. I'll take you back to bed, alright?"

When Remus finally returned to the kitchen he turned on Sirius immediately and said in a sharp, angry growl, "Why couldn't you shut it? You could tell I didn't want to discuss all that with her, couldn't you? You weren't helping, Sirius."

Sirius looked with unusually keen eyes at his friend, who was leaning forward over the table with his face pressed close to Sirius'. Remus had only lost his temper to this degree a very few times before in Sirius' memory. "She asked. Beside that, why shouldn't I tell her? You're absolutely brilliant and I would think you would want her to know all that."

"Not if it intimidates her and makes her feel like I would think she is dull and dumb in comparison, Sirius. She is very insecure about that. You know that."

Sirius narrowed his eyes and understood immediately that Remus was barely keeping his head above raging waters and could not handle being teased. "I know she is insecure, Remus, yes. She was insecure about her looks and her intelligence and even how much you loved her. I told her, Molly told her, and sure as hell you told her how much you loved her. I was just trying to point out what a bloody great choice she made."

Remus sunk into a chair and wiped his face with his hand. "I'm sorry, Sirius. It isn't your fault. I'm just out of my head."

Sirius watched his friend stare hopelessly into the dregs of his glass. There wasn't anything that Sirius could say to help him, either. Remus had made a very prickly, dangerous bed for himself when he married Edwina Leighton. There was, of course, no doubt that Remus would fight and work his wand to the heartstring to make the marriage work. Sirius did not dare to ask Remus how he planned to provide for his wife now that there was a baby coming. They had already discussed at length all the ways that Remus could legally (and illegally) earn a living and none of them were promising. But now, Remus' beloved wife did not even remember their relationship and it looked very likely that the marriage had not been what it seemed even before the memory loss. If there had been another wizard in Edwina's bed, Sirius had to admit that she had fooled even the cynical Sirius Black. If it were anyone else, Sirius would have thought that perhaps Remus was mistaken. But no one was more conscientious about monitoring himself than Remus near the full moon and no man was less likely to forget making love to his wife. More likely Remus remembered every touch he had ever received from her. None of it made sense, including how Edwina appeared to still have feelings for him. There was no denying that she had real emotions for Remus. However there had not been enough time for them to develop in the last three days. The closeness and comfortableness she had displayed with Remus did not mesh with complete memory loss.

"She seems to really care for you already."

Remus pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes to wipe them dry before replying in a very unsteady voice, "She has been trying to make sense of our marriage. I think she is projecting emotion onto the situation."

"I don't think so, Remus. Think about how she reacted to you. She looked at you even when she was talking to me. She watched what you did and reacted to what _you _said. A woman who doesn't even remember dating you and suddenly finds out you two are married and having a baby together should not feel comfortable with this already. She shouldn't hang on your every word and watch you like she is hoping you'll notice her."

"It makes more sense if you know that she apparently had a crush on me at Hogwarts."

"Did she? Well that helps explain some of the beginning of the relationship, Remus, but I still don't think that a schoolgirl with a crush on her professor would be that much less uncomfortable with a marriage and pregnancy she couldn't remember than a schoolgirl without a crush would be. Doesn't it seem strange to you?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, yes it does. Despite what the healer said, she does have some memories. But they are more like residual memories. Perhaps she has some residual emotion."

"What sort of memories, Remus?" Sirius narrowed his eyes in suspicion and asked the questions in a harsh voice.

"She remembered that her parents were both gone. She remembered that we have a dog. She also remembered sitting waiting and feeling frightened in a room that is probably where we spent our wedding night."

Sirius stared past Remus at the doorway as if he were trying to see into the bedroom where Edwina was supposed to be resting. "Mens Rasura."

"Absolutely not. I won't subject her to it."

"Might give us the answer who did this to her, which might be important Remus."

"_I will not allow it_." Remus spoke definitively and slumped back into his chair.

"I know you want to protect her. But it might be more harmful to her to have to live with the memory loss from such an important life-changing time of her life."

"I cannot subject her to it, Sirius. Especially since you know who will have to do the scanning when I cast the spell. I cannot do it myself. I am not skilled enough and my emotion will make it impossible."

"Let me."

"You haven't done magic of this sort for 12 years, Sirius. If you made a mistake it could damage the memory she has left, or worse."

Sirius stared at his friend and finally said softly, "You would really let Snape do it instead of me? You would let him see her private memories?"

"No, because I am not going to let her undergo Mens Rasura at all."

Sirius absently scratched his chest and shook his head. He reached for the bottle and said, "One last glass I think. Then I'd better head back before Kreacher figures out that I'm not in with Buckbeak."

"You should be more careful, Sirius."

"Why? He's licking a pair of my father's old boots or polishing an old muggle-hunting trophy or doing something else equally objectionable, Remus." Sirius poured out the last glass of Bloodwhisky and set the bottle down on the table. "Who gets last rights?"

Unexpectedly Remus laughed and said, "I think perhaps I do tonight." Both men stood and downed their drinks and said in unison, "To lost friends!" As they dropped their glasses on the table Remus shot a bolt of purple lightening out of his wand and the bottle burst. Both friends waved their wands to clear up the remains and then embraced each other.

"I really do wish you would be more careful, Sirius."

Sirius shrugged and said only, "I'm not forgetting I have responsibilities."

"Not just responsibilities, Sirius. You also have a friend who does give a damn if he loses you all over again."

Sirius dropped his ill-humour and nodded brusquely. "Same goes for you. You're going to lose your mind over your pretty little bint. It doesn't bear watching, Remus."

"I wish you wouldn't call her that, Sirius, even in jest. But you're right, I'm almost gone already."

"Don't think I hadn't noticed. I'd better go before I can't even find the floo."


	14. Chapter 14 Supplies

Chapter 14

Remus awoke with the sensation that his arm was being attacked by hundreds of very sharp needles. After slowly opening his eyes, he focused on the source of his pain: Edwina's dark head was resting on his forearm. Remus quickly forced himself to look away. As he stared up at the inside of the dark, wooden canopy of the bed, glaring at the burnished surface with its infuriatingly inappropriate carvings, Remus tried to ignore the agony of the cramping in his arm. She needed to rest, so he mustn't even wiggle his fingers to relieve his muscles.

Finally, when he could not resist the temptation any longer, Remus turned his head so that he could look at his sleeping wife. _Mother of God_, he didn't know how much more of this he could stand. She was touching him, she was so close, but he had to keep his distance.

Whatever he had done wrong last time, whatever had pushed her into another man's arms, he would not let happen again this time. He hoped that her lover had heard what had happened to her and did not dare to show himself or try to talk to her. But if he did turn up...Remus considered the containment and the barrier breach spells that he had added the night before to the already formidable protections on his home and decided that he should renew them that morning. He might have been too inebriated to effectively perform the spells properly. Rumpole's was notoriously potent.

Remus was not sure whether he actually wanted to know who her lover was. It wasn't that he wouldn't relish the opportunity to exact revenge once he knew who to track down. He could use the unregistered wand, but there was bound to be something that would lead the aurors to him eventually. More importantly Remus knew that he would regret the murder afterwards. Besides that, it would be easier to keep up the calm façade when he was with Edwina, as long as he didn't have actual proof. He had to keep telling himself that this was a second chance to make things right. He had to do things better so this time she would not turn to someone else.

There wasn't much going in his favour and he knew it. All that he had in his corner was whatever remained of her crush and the possible residual emotions from before, her kindness and optimism, and the fact that they were having a baby together. The person he had believed Edwina to be would be destroyed by the knowledge that her child was not his, so he could not tell her. Nothing good would come of it. In the meantime the baby was at least one thing tying her to him, but this wouldn't be enough to keep her for long. If it had been his lycanthropy, his poverty, or his age that had lost him his wife before, then nothing he could do would fix their relationship. Also, he could not make himself more attractive or fix the very broken relationship she had with her friends and family due to the marriage. In fact, almost every one of the potential and very likely causes for Edwina having given up on their marriage were things that he could not change. Yet last night Sirius had said that Edwina had always been insecure about whether Remus had truly loved her. This was one thing that Remus could correct. He had to hope that this was where he had bodged it before.

Edwina moved her head forward as she slept, so that she was now resting near his shoulder. Remus closed his eyes and tried to focus on his tingling arm and not the smell of her hair so very close to his face. He tentatively moved his wrist and then opened and closed his fist several times to restart the circulation in his arm.

"Are you awake?"

Damn, he had woken her. "Yes, did you want some tea?" He knew she would, but he wondered, as always, how she could drink tea so early in the morning.

"Mmm, yes, and I'm dead starving."

Remus tried to keep his voice steady, but since she was still lying too close to him his words came out very roughly, "Well then, let me see about organising some breakfast." Damn Daedalus if there wasn't a box waiting for him. If he had to tell her that there was no food...

"Okay."

Remus got himself up and pulled a disreputable, heavily wrinkled robe overtop the clothes in which he had slept. As he slid his feet into very well-worn shoes, Edwina spoke softly, "What are we doing today? I mean, what happens now?"

"We will take you to St. Mungo's, as we discussed yesterday."

"Oh." Remus stood by his side of the bed looking in at her, since the other curtains were still drawn shut. He could see her thinking and waited for the inevitable question. "Do I have to go back?"

"I rather think so, yes. We need to be sure that you are healthy and that there is nothing else that can be done. They need to be made aware of your memories at the very least."

"I see. Should I get up now? Do we need to go soon?"

"No, you can lie in if you like. There is no hurry. I shall make some tea and see what food can be found."

Remus gestured with his wand to shut the curtains and then turned to raise the fire in the grate. They would need more coal soon. He couldn't help but wish that she didn't get cold so easily, since the coal consumption since his marriage was more than seven times greater than when Sirius had stayed with him. But since letting her get cold was not an option, he would need to place another order with West Country Wizarding Solid Fuel, which would mean another trip into Redruth, since they would no longer accept his credit. He wished that they could afford wood, especially with a baby coming. But he, as well as poor Rom for those 18 months, had been raised in a coal-burning home and the health affects had been minimal, if any.

Remus trudged towards the kitchen with a mind-blowing hangover that made his own footsteps seem louder than usual. He must have had more Bloodwhisky than he had thought, because the side effects from alcohol only overpowered the neutralising affect of rhineflower after consumption of at least two bindles of Bloodwhisky (Readers: please see note below). When he got into the kitchen Remus saw a young woman engaged in collecting a potato from beneath a chair and a giant grey mastiff hungrily sniffing one of four large boxes on the stone floor.

"Good morning, Tonks. Thank you for taking Blackie."

"Hello Remus. I was going to help get these put away, but I've dropped all your potatoes."

Remus stepped forward. "Here, let me get that, Tonks. Was Blackie any trouble?" Remus made a dragging motion with his wand and the potatoes, which had been twitching on the floor as Tonks had tried to sweep them up with her wand, all pulled together and shot into the air in a neat pyramid. They landed softly in the middle of the long wooden counter by the sink basin, where Remus had gestured.

"Oh no, he slept almost the entire time. Looks like you're having people coming with all these boxes. Could I help you put them away?"

"No, thank you, I'll just do it." Remus stared momentarily down at the large boxes overflowing with jars and tins. He muttered, "Sirius."

"What?"

"Nothing. So, how is everything?"

"Busy, but that's normal, isn't it? Beefed up your home security a bit, haven't you?"

Remus cleared his throat in embarrassment and said only, "Have any trouble with it?"

Tonks laughed, "Not much, just a slight burn on entry. Nice undercurrent on the containment spell though, I must say. Where did you pick up that one?"

"From an old friend of mine, who used to place it on his bed every night."

"Paranoid sort of friend you had."

"He had good reason." Remus lifted the largest box over to the pantry door.

"Here, let me help." Tonks bounded forward to assist, managing to avoid the giant dog, who was still sniffing Remus' legs in greeting.

"Thank you, Tonks. All of these can go up on the top two shelves. Doesn't matter what order."

"Right." Tonks happily began shoving tins of beef next to jars of jam and Remus stooped to scratch behind the dog's ear. "How is Edwina?"

Remus stood up and looked seriously at Tonks, who was smiling pleasantly over her shoulder. "She is sleeping right now, but she is as well as can be expected, I suppose."

"She looked utterly blank when I visited. I only realised after that she probably didn't know who I am. I haven't been involved with the family since I was very young."

"Neither has she, although apparently she met Bellatrix when she was quite small and I believe that Carina Leighton was somewhat friendly with Cygnus' family and with Narcissa."

"What a treat. Actually, I believe Mum has said that Great-Aunt Sagitta was a horror, so I'm not surprised her daughter would fall in with that lot. Although Great-Uncle Cygnus' family was particularly awful."

Remus sighed, "Yes, Sirius has told me. But we've all got them, Tonks. Ian Webber McCrudy was my second cousin."

"Didn't he make a pair of boots from the skin of four..."

Remus interrupted sharply, "Yes."

Remus heard Tonks make an expression of disgust as he turned back to the cold cupboard to put away the large box of eggs in his hands. After almost fifteen minutes all of the supplies had been put away and Remus had begun to cook a breakfast for himself and Edwina. Tonks was nattering animatedly about a mutual acquaintance, blissfully unaware that Remus could cheerfully wish her anywhere but there. As Remus broke several eggs into a bowl he asked politely, but with every hope of a refusal, "Did you wish to stay to breakfast?"

"No thanks. I have to be in soon, anyway. Nice for you lot without a boss to answer to, isn't it?" Tonks looked over at Remus with a smile in time to catch a fleeting glimpse of the pain in Remus' eyes as he heard her teasing statement. Tonks suddenly realised the tactlessness of her statement and started to voice an apology when she saw Remus stand straighter and look at something behind her. From the desperate look on Remus' face, much like a starving man smelling someone else's dinner, Tonks knew that Edwina Lupin must be standing behind her.

In the few seconds that it took Remus Lupin to cross the room and walk past Tonks as if she were an article of furniture, Tonks had a glimpse of the misery and deprivation that Remus Lupin experienced every day of his life. Although she had always felt sorry for him, she greatly respected his intelligence, and like everyone who knew him she thought he was very nice, Tonks had never seriously considered how unhappy he might truly be. She thought suddenly how desolate his life must seem now that his wife, whom he worshipped with a fervour that was occasionally embarrassing to watch, no longer cared for him. As Tonks watched Remus speak softly to his wife and guide her to the breakfast table, she considered the tiny, pale girl, who was being seated by her husband in an old white chair.

Edwina Lupin was not beautiful, although she was pretty in a delicate, old-fashioned way. Bill Weasley had once pointed out that usually only the older generations would find such classically Breochaidie features to be really attractive and had then wondered aloud how such a brilliant wizard could be satisfied with a witch who was more sweet than clever. Tonks had been more surprised that Carina and Wolfred Leighton had managed to produce a daughter so obviously free of guile.

Tonks broke free of her reverie and turned to pick up her cloak from where she had laid it on a nearby chair. "I'm glad to see you are feeling better, Edwina."

Both Remus and Edwina looked over at Tonks as if surprised to see that she was there. Edwina stammered, "Thank you for visiting me in hospital, it was very kind."

"Well of course I would come. Anyway, I need to go in before someone gets shirty. I'm sure I will see you again soon, Edwina. Remus."

Edwina stood and said softly, "Good bye."

Remus nodded to Tonks, walked back over to the bowl of eggs he had been beating, and picked up the fork.

**Author's Note (wizarding measurements):**

Although British wizards most commonly use Imperial standard measurements such as pounds and miles (the metric scale has been universally rejected by the wizarding world with the major exceptions of China, North Korea, France, and Canada), the old wizarding units are still used in potion making and most commerce.

For liquids (used in both Britain and Ireland):

42 rills - 1 drivulet

320 drivulets - 1 bindle (as a conversion aid for muggle readers, a pint glass can hold approximately 278 drivulets)

For dry weight in England and Scotland (Ireland and Wales use separate measurements):

42 flecks - 1 pedicle

28 pedicle - 1 tade

All of these words have passed into muggle usage in some form. Both rill and drivulet, which is called a rivulet in muggle English, are terms for small streams of water. A bindle means a small bundle, which probably comes from the leather sacks tied onto broomsticks by wizards to carry water or other liquid refreshment. A fleck is a small bit or flake of something. For muggles a pedicle has several meanings, including a very small stalk of a flowering plant. In wizarding terminology, pedicle is used to mean the stem of a magical flowering plant if this stem has specific magical properties separate from the flower, as well as the weight. A tad, which is the Modern English corruption of the Middle English word _tade _meaning a toad, means a small amount of something. In wizarding English, tade (pronounced "tod") means both a horned toad and the weight measure, which is not coincidentally approximately equivalent to a preserved toad's weight.


	15. Chapter 15 Truce

Chapter 15

Remus sat at the table in the sitting room with the second volume of _Teren de Vânătoare_ lay unheeded in front of him. Despite the deadline that was approaching, he had been unable to force himself to finish reading. Every sentence seemed to contain the words _soţie adulteră_, as his mind rewrote the text to include the fears that were running through both his conscious and unconscious mind.

The worst of it was that he couldn't make her tell him the truth. As he watched her crooning softly into the ear of her dog, he clenched his teeth in anger. He wanted to drag the truth out of her. Why had she done this to him? If she hadn't truly loved him then why stay? Why lie to him? Had she thought he would turn violent like her father? Remus had never shown her the least hint of violence. Had she been using him for some reason? Remus clenched his eyes shut and tried to gather his wits. He could not lose control now. He simply had to see this through. In fact, Edwina _couldn't _tell him anything and they would both have to live with that.

He closed the book, pushing it away from him as he turned to look at her once more. The dog was blissfully rolling around on the threadbare rug as Edwina rubbed the dog's belly. Remus squinted at the dark lines of the design on the rug. As the last male Lupin, Remus had never thought that there would ever be another child living in the cottage, but in another seven months there should be a new baby playing on the old rug where he and Rom had learnt to crawl more than three decades ago.

So there was no hope for it. He would have to take on that muggle job after all. It paid well for unskilled muggle labour and nothing would be reported to Inland Revenue, therefore nothing to the Ministry either. He had only barely earned enough for subsistence before his marriage, but it wouldn't be nearly enough to raise a child. The small sum he earned by ghost writing for Tomasso Vismara would hardly buy all the things that a baby would need. Even the rare opportunities that Birgitta sent his way to review papers for Københavns Magiskartikelbasen would not bring in more than twenty galleons in a year. In order to legally sell to the wizarding public, Edwina would have to procure a Herbarium and Glasshouse License and submit to Ministry regulation. This would mean that she could no longer grow for Severus' potions and therefore the Order, so there was no hope for extending the income from Edwina's conservatory until there was no longer any need for secrecy.

Remus stood and reached into his left front pocket for his tobacco tin. It wasn't there. He looked around the room and saw with surprise that he had left it on the mantelpiece. He must have left it there the night before. He crossed the room to pick it up, stepping carefully around where Edwina and Blackie were playing.

"What time is it?"

Remus turned around and glanced at the various positions of the intertwined metal bands of the moon clock on the table. "Nearly half past seven."

"I thought so. I had better go move the Wentwistle compost over."

Remus watched as Edwina stood and pulled from her pocket a large silver hair slide. He leaned against the mantle packing the clay pipe tightly and watched her carefully bind her hair in preparation for her work. He said nothing as she smiled nervously at him. After she realised that he was not going to say or do anything further, Edwina walked from the room with Blackie faithfully following behind.

Remus lit his pipe and began to pace the floor. The anger and frustration that had been building for a week had finally grown to the point that he could no longer contain it. After the healers had once again cast diagnostic spells that had done nothing to resolve the mystery, Remus had brought Edwina back to Hatishall Cottage. He had been trying to give her some privacy and time to sort out what she wanted to do, but there had been little progress. They had been living together in an awkward truce.

Of course there was still no question what he wanted. He wanted her and was willing to pay the price to keep her, which was likely to mean his acceptance of both what she had done and what had been done to her. But as Remus continued to walk the floor of the sitting room, he felt the rage exploding in his head and an irrational desire to destroy something, destroy anything. Suddenly he turned on his heel and threw out his wand hand toward one row of bookcases. The books immediately flew into the air and swirled around him as he swept his wand in a large circle around his head. Then he shoved his wand outward towards a china bowl that was on the old mahogany table. The bowl burst into four large pieces in a satisfyingly loud pop before the books fell with a thundering crash. But as Remus stood in the middle of a pile of very old, musty books with his wand arm still extended to begin another incantation; he felt a sharp burning sensation on his back. He immediately dropped his arm and looked around the room with a panicked expression. He stumbled backwards and leaned against the green leather chair.

Which part of himself had tried to draw out the _taină_? He couldn't have been about to do that, not after all this time. As he stood propped against the chair, Remus began sending the books back to the shelf one at a time with his wand. He closed his eyes and continued to gesture with his wand from the floor to the bookcase, sending books flying to the shelves as he tried to focus on _stăpânire_. His fingers were aching and he could feel the tips of his ears itching as he realised that he could now hear the door to the conservatory bang. Edwina was running back to the cottage.

Remus dropped his arm and concentrated all of his energy on _stăpânire _and on pushing the _taină_ deep, deep down. He focused on listening for Edwina and was relieved to hear that as she got closer, her footsteps did not get louder. It was buried again, but only just in time.

"What happened? Are you alright? I heard a horrible crashing sound."

Remus opened his eyes and turned around to face her. "Yes, everything is fine. I'm sorry that I worried you." He turned slightly so he could return to sending the books back onto the shelves. "Did you finish your work?"

"Not completely. Are you sure you are alright?" Edwina moved closer to where he was standing, but he stepped back quickly.

"Yes. Did you want to eat soon?"

"What happened, Remus?"

"I would rather not discuss it, Edwina."

Edwina looked at him and pressed her lips together angrily. "There seems to be a lot that you don't want to discuss. We have hardly talked about anything _real_ since that first day you brought me here."

"What did you want to talk about, Edwina?"

"Why are you so angry? _I'm_ the one whose memory was wiped clean. _I'm_ the one who is pregnant. It is a lot to take in all at once, but I don't get a choice. I just have to accept it, don't I? I mean, I must have wanted this baby before, but I'm not sure I am ready to have a baby or that I want _your_ baby. I'm sure I loved you and we were happy and everything was lovely, but it doesn't really matter because everything has changed, hasn't it? I liked you so much before, but this week I'm just not sure. You're just so distant and weird and unapproachable. You seem like you hate me one minute and then the next you act like I'm too good to touch. I don't know how much longer I can take any of this."

Remus gestured angrily with his wand, so that a large brown book hurdled towards the bookcase and hit the shelf with a loud thwack. However when he spoke his voice was almost calm, "I know that this is hard for you." He turned around so that he was facing Edwina and continued softly with only a slight tremor in his voice, "I do know that Edwina. But I also have real reasons for being angry. It isn't just one or the other of us that is suffering."

"What is upsetting you?"

"I have already talked to you about some of it, Edwina. It is not easy to lose someone so precious to me without any idea if I can get you back. I know that you don't know if you want to be with me. That is entirely understandable, but it doesn't change my feelings for you."

"Something is making you angry though. I can tell because you look at me like you hate me sometimes. I can see you looking at me."

Remus spoke through tightly clenched teeth, "I don't hate you, Winnie. I don't think that I could ever hate you."

"Yes, you love me. I've heard you say so, but I can't suss you out. Why do you love me? If we are to have any future relationship there has to be something there. We have to have more than just a baby to keep us together. Nothing seems real. We didn't just sit around the house and avoid each other before, did we? Did we have friends? Did we go places? Did we spend nights talking? Did we have pet names or special jokes? What was our relationship like, Remus? How are we going to remake it? I don't understand."

"Do you expect me to treat you like before? Do you want me to pretend that nothing has changed and just return to how it was before, Winnie? Because I don't see how we can do that. Yes, we've got to begin again, but how that's going to work is more than I can predict. I have _no bloody idea_ how to start. I wish you would tell me, Winnie. Tell me what you are thinking or what you want."

Remus took another step away from Edwina and tried to catch his breath. Never before had they argued like this. It had always worried him how Edwina kept her feelings hidden at times. He always suspected that her eagerness to please had led her to suppress her own desires, which he had never wanted. But since they had never done this, he had no idea what to expect from her.

"Well you know me, but I don't really know you. All I know is who you were at school and this last week. I liked you at Hogwarts, but you scare me now."

"I scare you? I would never hurt you, Winnie. I promise you." Remus stepped closer to where Edwina was standing and reached out his hand to touch her shoulder.

Edwina did not look up at him. She had seen the feral expression on his face when she had entered the room, so she was not so sure how safe he really was.

Remus wearily rubbed the back of his hand along his forehead and sighed. "I don't know how we are going to handle a baby either, Winnie. This was not planned, so I have to figure out how we are going to make this happen. We _will_ sort this out, but we will need to work together and I don't think it will be easy."

"Do you think..." Edwina bit her lip and allowed herself to look up at him. "Did I want a baby before?"

"Yes. You had told me several times how much you wanted a child."

"Do you...did you want a child?"

"Yes, but I was worried about how hard it might be for you, Winnie."

"That is all you were worried about?"

"No. There have not been many werewolves who have had children with non-werewolves after The Bite."

"Oh! You mean the baby could be a werewolf or something?"

"That belief is superstition, not fact. In truth there are several cases of unusual birth defects when both parents were werewolves who mated during the full moon, but I have not found any evidence that wizard werewolves and fully human witches would have anything other than a normal wizarding child."

"But you don't know."

"No, I don't know."

"Then wasn't it irresponsible and risky to have gotten pregnant? What if our child is a werewolf or has fur?"

Remus, who had been so concerned about this exact issue that he had spent some of their very limited funds to purchase twenty ampoules of contraceptive for Edwina and had convinced a very unwilling Sirius to perform the most effective infertility curse they knew on him every week of his short marriage, had no ready answer to her question. "You had laxorica root, Edwina."

"Oh."

"We were trying to prevent pregnancy, alright? We weren't just ignoring all the risks." Remus chose his words very carefully, so he would not have to lie to her. It was possible that she had purposely not been taking the laxorica so that she would get pregnant. She had been too willing to accept the risks before. "Perhaps Ellison's sold us an old supply."

"Perhaps."

"I'm sorry Edwina. I don't have any answers."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I have found a job, which I will start soon."

"And us? What is going to happen?"

"Perhaps we need to start at the beginning. Reintroduce ourselves to each other."

"You already know all about me."

"I know what you told me before, but that doesn't mean I know everything."

"What does that stupid thing say the time is? Is it really 8:10?"

Remus turned to read the bands of the slowly spinning moon clock. "No, 8:30."

"Oh! I have to go put the solatia lunaris seedlings in their new pots or they will be dead within the hour!"

Edwina turned and ran quickly from the room, leaving Remus staring after her.


	16. Chapter 16 We all fall down

I would like to thank my kind, loyal reviewer Bri007. It is so nice to know that someone is enjoying my story!

Also, once again: I am not JK Rowling, nor am I associated in anyway with Bloomsbury or Scholastic. Everything that is written herein is purely for pleasure and not for profit.

Chapter 16

Remus could see himself clearly, kneeling in front of the fireplace, refastening the nearly broken buckle of his brown shoes. He told himself as he watched that those shoes probably only had another few weeks left in them. He saw himself look around the sitting room of Hatishall Cottage and frowned at how unappealing he looked with his prematurely greying hair sticking to a slightly sweaty forehead and overly thin hands that were now brushing ash from a very old robe.

"Edwina?" He called out tentatively and looked behind him at the small brass _familia _ball on the mantle. She was home, so he called out once more, "Edwina?"

He didn't know why he felt so nervous. She could easily be out in the conservatory. He walked out of the sitting room and down the hall to the bedroom. He paused to lay his cloak on the chair by the bed and then walked down the hall to kitchen. Suddenly he knew that it was the werewolf's senses that were telling him that something didn't smell right. Something smelt of fear and aggression. In fact, he realised that he was smelling both her and Blackie's fear. That could not be good.

Now thoroughly alarmed, he held up his wand and spoke two words urgently and waited. After a moment he felt a tug and followed his wand in the direction of the conservatory. He ripped open the door of the kitchen and ran across the stone path toward the storehouse and the small conservatory. The door to the glasshouse flew open at his command and he could immediately see Blackie was guarding something near the far wall of the small building. With a harsh cry that hadn't been aware he had made, he leapt over the short table near the door and knelt down by the crumpled heap on the black stone floor.

Now Remus could feel himself thinking, "Nothing, nothing, nothing. They will not tell me a bleeding thing." He had to wait as they administered the antidote and monitored her status. It might be an hour before he was allowed to know.

Her face had been so white and he had not felt any pulse, so he had feared the worst. But then he had heard her shallow rasping breath. Blackie had started howling just as Remus had begun to apparate with Edwina, and the newly reawakened _taină_ had urged him to throw back his head and join in the lamentation. Now, as he sat on the uncomfortable chair in the third floor hall, he could still feel feral urges jostling inside his head for primacy. There was no hope for banishing the wolf now; he had to hope for just basic control.

He knew that they thought he had done something to her. He wanted to _make_ them understand, but there was nothing he could do. He was no more welcome in Healer Allonby's surgery than he was anywhere else. The dingy hallway, populated with sleeping portraits, was good enough for a filthy werewolf. When the Healer had first examined her and proclaimed that Edwina had somehow ingested or been exposed to _agriotita _leaves, he had suggested to the Healer that one of her plants could be the culprit. However, the Healer had assured him that it would require an Epidex license to grow _agriotita_, so she could not have been growing it since she only had the Simplex.

The accusations behind the Healer's questions had not been immediately obvious to him. His mind could not process the situation and it was taking all of his energy just to understand what was being said to him. But then he remembered the gash on her arm that he had seen when he lifted her and he knew. It _was_ his fault that she had nearly died. She had seen him using the skylos balm on his arm. She did not know that it was for animals and part-humans only, that even he got quite ill if he used the skylos balm at any time but the three days following the moon.

The look of complete disgust on the healer's face when the possibility of poisoning from skylos balm was mentioned even shocked Remus as he watched it happen. Remus was far too used to prejudice, but such an extreme reaction from a healer was strange. He knew that he could not afford to antagonise the man who might save Edwina's life, no matter how hard it was to sit and do nothing, so he accepted the restrictions placed on his involvement in Edwina's treatment.

Now Remus saw himself holding a light pink piece of parchment in his hands as he stood frozen with shock by Lunessa's cage. Even as he watched, Remus felt his heart pounding and another wave of panic washing over him. He was supposed to collect her at 2 and it was only 11:30. How could she already have left? Had he been supposed to collect her earlier and had simply misunderstood the time? She wouldn't have got angry and left for that reason. He tried to force himself to read the entire note, but getting past the first few lines took all of his concentration. She was sorry. She did not know what she wanted, but she had to think of the baby first. What was that supposed to mean? She would contact him soon. How soon? She wasn't even telling him where she was going. How was he supposed to trust that she was safe? None of it made sense. What had happened to make her suddenly flee from him now? What had Allonby told her that made her feel the baby was in danger from him? That minging old sod had mistrusted him on sight, which had deepened into hatred when he learnt of the lycanthropy. As Remus watched himself collapse with a low moan to the floor, pink parchment clutched in one tight fist, he reminded himself that there was still one full bottle of muggle brandy left. When that was finished, he would make himself stay with Sirius.

Remus stared down into the old, tarnished pensieve jar and sighed. The memories were intact, so he could replace the lid and put the jar in the cupboard for now. Perhaps with those particular memories gone, now he could sleep. After three nights with no sleep and four days of near constant drunkenness, he had to do something. Living like this would destroy him even worse than his monumental binge those weeks in Targu Secuiesc after Grimelda had left him. If only Sirius would leave him alone then he could allow himself just one more day with the bottle.


	17. Chapter 17 Nevin House

Chapter 17

Edwina sat at the pretty, white writing desk and stared at the spare rolls of expensive pink parchment. She was embarrassed that she had resorted to writing him a letter. He deserved better than that. In fact, the moment Great-Aunt Edwina had found out that Edwina had not left word at St. Mungo's for her husband; she had pushed Edwina into the brocade-covered chair at the little desk and dictated a short, polite note of explanation. Edwina had been too confused to even word her own letter.

She had been at her great-aunt's house now for four days. It was long past time for a real letter of explanation, but as Edwina sat with a large ostrich feather quill in her hand and a open jar of Martin & Martin's Quick-drying Special Indigo Ink beside the blotter, she could not think of anything to say. When Healer Allonby had explained everything to her at St. Mungo's, she had known immediately that she could not go back to Hatishall Cottage. She was going to be a mother, like it or not, and to place her baby in danger would be inexcusable. At the moment when she had made her decision, she had been absolutely sure that it was right. Remus Lupin was a dangerous, dark wizard. He was a werewolf and could not be trusted. There was no telling what he would do when he was a father. She could never go back.

But although Great-Aunt Edwina had responded immediately to Edwina's request to come and collect her from St. Mungo's, despite it having been almost four years since Edwina had written to her, Great-Aunt had kindly, but firmly told her that Edwina had been wrong to leave her husband. Great-Aunt had been quick to disabuse Edwina's mind of Healer Allonby's accusations. Great-Aunt had brusquely reminded Edwina that there was a potion for the full moon and werewolves were not necessarily any more dangerous during the rest of the lunar cycle than any other wizard. She had asked Edwina seriously, had he abused her? Had he been unfaithful? Was he cruel to her in any way? Had he ever shown her any threat of violence?

Edwina had tearfully admitted that he had done none of this. She had been a little afraid of him, but it had not been because he had really threatened her in any way. Great-Aunt had explained that Edwina's marriage could easily be annulled, now that the Ministry had passed several laws about werewolves. But Edwina could tell from the derisive snort that Great-Aunt had made when mentioning ministry personnel that Great-Aunt did not agree with these laws. Additionally, Great-Aunt had told her that although she would support Edwina even if Edwina chose to allow the Ministry to annul the marriage, she did not think that Edwina should reject her husband simply for being a werewolf. She had told Edwina that regardless of Edwina's memory loss, Edwina herself had voluntarily chosen to enter the marriage. Therefore it was rank cowardice for her not to keep her word and do everything in her power to try to salvage a relationship with her husband. A decent witch always kept her word even when doing so was hard.

Edwina had asked her great-aunt if she thought that Remus Lupin was a good man and if she had approved of the marriage. Great-Aunt had immediately said that she had certainly not approved of the marriage. Edwina was a Leighton, even if Edwina's mother had been a mere Bledsoe, so to have married such a poor wizard had been beneath her no matter how old the Lupin family was. A Leighton daughter had every right to expect to be decently supported by her husband and a Breochaidie witch had special needs that this Lupin man could never hope to meet. The man seemed to be a decent enough wizard, in fact quite intelligent if reports that he had achieved a master from Universitet were true, but Edwina needed security, which Lupin could not provide. Great-Aunt had continued to explain that although Edwina had shown poor judgement in choosing her husband, she need not crown that by showing lack of character.

Edwina sat very still as she thought through everything that her Great-Aunt had said. She did not know what to say to Remus, but she knew that it was also long past time for making up her quarrel with Sophie and Elspeth. She would talk to Great-Aunt about what to write to Remus. In the meantime, it was time to write to Elspeth. Sophie would be harder, but Ella couldn't stay mad at anyone for long, so she would be easier. Edwina patted the top of Faol's head, which he had insistently placed in her lap. At least she thought that this one was Faol, but Great-Aunt had at least half a dozen huge, yellow mastiffs, so one could never be certain which was which. They were shockingly ugly dogs, but so exuberantly friendly that Edwina didn't mind them being almost constantly underfoot. Edwina shoved the dog's head out of her lap and dipped the quill in the inkpot with determination.

* * *

"Sophie wanted to come, really she did." 

Elspeth saw the wry expression on Edwina's face and knew that Edwina didn't believe her. "It's alright, you know. I am sure I said some horrible things, or else she wouldn't still be so angry."

"Well it isn't like it matters anyway, darling. We ought to have supported you no matter what. It was just that Sophie was so sure that if we only held out you would see what a mistake you were making and not marry him."

Edwina laughed sharply, "That has never worked with me, Ella. I'm too likely to do just what you don't want me to do from spite."

Elspeth knew only too well. Although Sophie had always been the unchallenged leader of their group, on the rare occasions that Edwina's mischievous sense of humour led her to _slightly _bend the rules her friends had reluctantly followed her. Quiet, well-behaved Edwina Leighton's tiny streak of contrariness had unnerved shy, careful Elspeth MacDougall and infuriated the religiously rule-abiding Sophie Westerhall. "I know. I'm sorry we weren't there for you. It must have been too horrible to just wake up with no memory of anything."

"Yes, well, I actually thought he'd kidnapped me. It took two healers to convince me it was all true; that we were really married. Remus even summoned Headmaster Dumbledore, but I didn't believe it."

"Did you..."

Both girls turned around as the door to the room was opened by a tall, auburn haired young woman. Elspeth cried out happily, "Sophie!" However when Elspeth looked to see Edwina's reaction, Edwina was merely sitting in her chair looking at Sophie with an expression that was impossible to read.

Elspeth turned back to watch Sophie and noticed that her normally preternaturally self-possessed friend appeared extremely nervous as she began to ask, "Do you mind if I..."

Quite suddenly Edwina jumped up and ran forward to great her friend, exclaiming, "Oh, I'm so glad you came! I've missed you." Edwina and Sophie embraced and then grabbed each other's hands excitedly.

"I almost didn't, but I'm so glad I did. You don't know how many times I've wanted to unsay everything. You look so different, Winnie."

"How long has it been since you saw me?"

Sophie was still swinging Edwina's hand as she looked over at Elspeth, "Four months, hasn't it?" Elspeth nodded and the girls broke apart to walk to the long walnut table, which was heavily laden with tea things. Elspeth and Sophie briefly hugged each other before all three girls sat down in imposing, high-backed dining chairs.

"How do you feel?"

"Still very weak. It will take some time to heal due to the pregnancy and the syndrome."

"But the baby is alright?"

"Yes. They cast every imaginable spell, I think. As long as the protective charms are cast four times each day and I take three very nasty potions in addition to all my usual precautions for Breochaid, the baby should be perfectly healthy."

Elspeth patted her friend's hand and since Edwina was preoccupied, Elspeth pulled the teapot closer to her and took over as Mother. Sophie absently took the teacup proffered to her and looked back at Edwina. "They are sure the baby will be normal?"

Elspeth saw a momentary look of concern pass over Edwina's face and knew the true answer despite Edwina's response, "Oh yes, the baby should be fine. But I want to hear all about you. I don't know anything about what you have been doing since school. And what about you and Bram, Elspeth?"

Elspeth blushed deeply and said softly, "Bram is doing very well. He is working for his uncle now. He wants to get married this year, but my family wants us to wait until I am 21."

Eventually Sophie took over the conversation, which left Elspeth to her own thoughts. She had been terribly nervous about coming to visit Edwina for more reasons than just the quarrel. Edwina's great-aunt had been married to the last Nevin of Stair. Elspeth was Ayrshire born and bred, so she knew well that the wealthy, pureblood Nevin family was to be feared and respected. Mother had been afraid that Elspeth would forget her manners, put her elbow in the soup, and embarrass the MacDougall family in front of a Nevin. But Edwina's Great-Aunt had been an old dear. It was hard to believe that her husband had been one of the wizards who had developed the vicious _Sgal Madadh _dog, which had been supposed to hunt _only _muggles, but on several occasions had attacked half-bloods, as well. Once again Elspeth eyed the two large yellow dogs that were lying at Edwina's feet, but reminded herself firmly that the _Sgal Madadh_ had been outlawed, so there was no reason to be afraid. In any case, neither dog had shown any sign of aggression towards Sophie, so they must be safe.


	18. Chapter 18 Air Mail

Chapter 18

Remus trudged along the small dirt road, absently pulling his thin cloak closer. It had taken him three days to figure out where she was. Remus corrected himself with a grunt of self-disgust; that was not strictly true, he had wasted four days drinking himself into a fog, so it had actually been a whole week since she left before he found her.

When, after three days of dead ends Sirius had asked Remus if Edwina's godmother, Edwina Nevin, was likely to offer her a home, Remus realised that this was the answer. Remus thought that the elderly witch, who three decades earlier had been a formidable force within the Ministry working against miscegenation with half-humans, would have been immeasurably relieved that Edwina wanted to leave him. Remus' wand hand twitched as he remembered the scathingly vicious character sketch of him that Edwina Nevin had written to him shortly after the marriage. Oddly enough she had seemed to hate him not for his lycanthropy, but because he had doomed her favourite great-niece to a lifetime of drudgery and poverty.

Sirius had impatiently told Remus to retrieve his wife, even if by force, and be done with the drama. Remus, who knew that Sirius' dislike of Remus' marriage stemmed just as much from selfishness born of loneliness as from his opinion that Edwina was silly and boring, merely disregarded his friend's advice. Remus was trying very hard to remember that Edwina was still very young. He did not know what had been said to her by the healer or what fears lurked in her mind. Even as he made every possible excuse for Edwina, Remus knew that he had every right to be angry.

Remus leaned against the brick wall bordering the grounds of the Nevin estate and pulled out his hip flask. After several large gulps of water he looked across the grounds at the house. Despite the fact that Nevin House was unplottable and that someone had apparently helped Edwina to cast herself untraceable, Remus had found the house remarkably easily - either Edwina had not taken off her ring or hadn't removed it until inside her great-aunt's house. Remus held his wand up and forcefully spoke two words aloud. The tug on his wand directed his attention to the far right of the house.

Remus thought angrily that much of the situation was his own fault. Long experience with rejection and disappointment ought to have prepared him to better handle the situation. Remus had been through hell more times than he cared to count, so there was no excuse for having lost all of his control. It was really his own damned fault. What was he expecting her reaction to have been? He had done nothing but repeatedly tell her that he had nothing to offer her; he hadn't shown her how good things _could _be.

Remus pulled out the letter from his pocket and touched the end of an unusually sharp-ended, black wand to the seal of the parchment. He spoke the words that would invoke the binding charm on her ring, touched the wand to his own ring, and then gestured with his wand towards the house. The letter in his hand shot across the lawn with a soft whoosh and hit an upper storey window with a thwack that Remus could hear from where he stood. He watched as the window to the house slid open allowing the letter to enter. When the window had slammed shut, Remus slumped against the wall. He wondered if this skulking about were worthwhile just to reassure himself that she was truly safe with family, as well as that she was not with her lover. Now he knew she was safe and that knowledge gave him little peace. It was time for him to return south. He had to begin work at 10 and it was almost 9 already.

* * *

Remus walked through one of the narrow aisles on the warehouse floor as he tried to keep himself awake. There was only one more hour before he could leave and it would be unwise to cast a third Wake-me charm, so he would have to resort to muggle means. The shelves of the dank, dark warehouse were only partially filled with what were labelled as large boxes of Hoover bags. Remus knew, of course, that whatever was inside was unlikely to ever find its way inside any decent suburban home. No one would pay so well to have something that mundane so heavily guarded. But he didn't want to actually know what business was being run from the warehouse, so Remus did not ask and did not look for any answers. 

Now that she was no longer there to distract his thoughts, Remus had begun to force himself to analyse the circumstances surrounding her attack. His instincts had initially led him to suspect Edwina's father, Wolfred Leighton. Remus had no proof and as yet no reasonable motive for Wolfred to have attacked his own daughter. Despite the fact that Wolfred was an unpleasant, bigoted, ruthless wizard whose magic had always bordered on the dark arts, Remus knew that Wolfred had actually loved his daughter and treated her with great affection.

The fact that Edwina's family had seemed uninterested in any of the details surrounding her attack had caught the attention of more than just Remus. Even woolly-minded, vague Daedalus Diggle had mentioned that even Edwina's cousin Aldebaran Shipley with whom she had been close despite his hatred of Remus, had seemed remarkably unconcerned, which did not make sense. Also, since the attack Wilfred Leighton, who had continued to take his niece to dinner fortnightly even after her marriage and was the only member of her family to give her a wedding present, had not sent Edwina his usual Tuesday letter nor taken the opportunity to visit her in St. Mungo's.

Remus resignedly looked at the old white plastic clock hanging on the wall by the front entrance to the warehouse. He saw with some relief that he only had 20 more minutes until he could leave. He had been working at the job for only two weeks, but it felt more like two months. In fact, the intellectual boredom was overwhelming him. Remus decided to walk along the far end of the warehouse where there was a row of windows that he should check. As he manually checked each of the window locks Remus considered whether he could stomach another night of the lamb stew that Molly had brought them two days before. Molly's cooking was generally excellent, but Remus had never liked lamb and he never would. Yet years of having to eat anything that was offered had inured Remus to the vagarities of local diets, so he told himself that he could easily stand to eat lamb for one more night. He allowed himself to return to his thoughts about Edwina's family as he began his final pass through the warehouse aisles.


	19. Chapter 19 Finally

Chapter 19

"I think you've had more than enough time to answer him, Winnie, really. What are you so afraid of? He didn't come charging in here to forcibly drag you away or do anything mad like that. I think he's been sort of a girl about it, don't you?"

Sophie snorted at Elspeth's words and added, "He has really. I can not believe he hasn't tried to do anything other than send you that letter."

"I did write him. I wrote him the day after you two first visited."

"Yes, you wrote him a silly, useless little letter. You didn't really tell him anything, did you? And what did you say in response to that letter he sent you two weeks ago? Nothing at all, in fact. I never thought you were such a coward, Winnie."

Elspeth looked nervously at Sophie and then turned to Edwina, "Tell us what you are worried about, dear. Is there something we don't know?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure. I feel like I have no control over my emotions. I felt that way when I was at his house, too. I didn't just want him to talk to me or even kiss me, which was as far as my thoughts went at school. I kept having such deep feelings for him but I don't even know him yet. That last week I was there in the cottage I could feel myself wanting so much more and just aching because he was so distant and unapproachable. He said it was because he didn't want to upset me, but I don't think that's really the reason. He's awfully angry about something and that is what is making him keep away."

Neither Sophie nor Elspeth said anything to Edwina. They were watching her pace the floor of her room, her hands gripped tightly as tears started to fall down her cheeks. Elspeth thought that she had never seen Edwina look so utterly lost before.

"I should let you see that _ridiculous _letter he gave me. You can see how angry he is. I don't know what to do. What do I say if he won't tell me?"

"Are you sure he isn't angry because you left him? That's a pretty normal reaction, I should think."

"I'm sure he is. I handled it badly, too. I ought to have waited to talk to him and not just fled like a baby. But it is more than that. Here, let me get the stupid thing and you can read it."

Elspeth watched her friend as Edwina jerked open the top drawer of a small white desk and pulled out a fist full of papers. Edwina held out two crumpled sheets of parchment to Sophie and then dropped the rest of the papers in the desk drawer, which she knocked shut with the back of her hand.

With a very serious expression Sophie began to read the letter, as Elspeth moved over to comfort her obviously distraught friend who had begun to cry softly. As she wrapped an arm around Edwina, Elspeth watched Sophie's facial expressions and could tell that Sophie was not amused about something.

"Why do you think this is ridiculous, Winnie? Lupin is quite remarkably calm and reasonable in this letter. If I'd run off with only a little note to explain myself, Thom would have written me a howler to remember! Well, he would if he were a wizard, I mean."

Elspeth reached out her hand for the letter and moved over on the bed away from Edwina so that she could read it. Lupin had clearly been in a cold fury when he wrote it, but what he said was not unkind. Elspeth had to agree with Lupin that hiding from each other was childish. She also thought that his request was very reasonable. "Darling, you must write him back. It isn't right to treat him this way. No one deserves to be ignored like this."

Sophie looked at Edwina with a hard expression and said primly, "Do you really want the father of your child to hate you? However much he loves you now, if you continue acting like this then that love won't last. If you can't think of him then think of the child and what sort of future you are setting up for him or her."

Edwina sat up straight on the bed and looked at Sophie with a strange, arrested expression in her eyes. "You're right. When did I become so selfish?"

"I don't know, Winnie. You never used to be."

"I don't want him to stop loving me."

Elspeth interjected, "Is that because you love him, dear?"

"I don't know. I can't really love him already, can I?"

Sophie answered, "That is what we asked you last time, but you swore that you were in love with him after one conversation in a bookstore or something. At least this time you spent a week with him."

Elspeth cautiously added, "You aren't exactly acting like you love him, Winnie."

Edwina clenched her fists and stood up from the bed. "I know. I have no idea who I have been these last few weeks. I have to write that letter."

"Do you want us to leave you alone?"

"No, please, won't you stay?"

Elspeth replied soothingly, "Of course."

Sophie pulled the letter over to her from where Elspeth had laid it on the frilly pink eiderdown. After quickly looking at the final paragraph she asked, "Do you have any stamps, Winnie?"

"Stamps? Are those the sticky things?"

"Yes. You will need one to send this to him, you know."

Elspeth asked curiously, "Why?"

Sophie rolled her eyes and replied in an exasperated tone, "Because it says he is untraceable, so she'll have to send the letter via muggle post to some place in Wednesbury. Didn't you read it?"

"I did, but how am I supposed to know what that means?"

"Honestly, didn't you pay any attention in Muggle Studies? You purebloods are hopeless sometimes."

Edwina responded absently as she opened the blotter and pulled out a gilded blue glass bottle of ink from the desk drawer, "But we never use them."

Elspeth added, "But dear, muggle things are so complicated. I don't know how you lot manage."

Sophie sighed and said, "It's alright. I'll take it with me and post it on the way home."

* * *

Finally. When she had not responded within three days he had set a deadline for himself - that afternoon's post - and she had just made it. He could not read her reply now because no matter what her response, he would be useless for work afterwards and he had over an hour left. He placed the letter on the desk and began walking purposefully away to begin his rounds.

Bugger his rounds. Remus ripped the end off the end of the envelope and spread out the paper in front him. His feverishly anxious eyes skimmed over the words. After ascertaining her answer, he read again more slowly to be sure.

She wanted to meet him for dinner in muggle London. That made no sense at all, since Edwina was completely unnerved whenever she had to navigate muggle society. He wondered where this place was. He would have to cast a locator because he didn't have time to faff around if he was going to meet her on time.

The letter sounded like she was really scared. Perhaps she was hoping that if they met in muggle London then she was safer, since they could not openly use magic. Remus leaned against the desk and tried to calm himself down. The anger he was feeling was enormous, but even worse was the desperation.

He knew that he looked grotty, but there was nothing he could do about it. She had said 7 and it was almost 6 and he had to get from Wednesbury to central Birmingham to London all in an hour. Sod it, he was leaving.


	20. Chapter 20 Kew Gardens

Chapter 20

He had never seen her dressed like a muggle. It was strange how different she looked in what was clearly Sophie Westerhall's clothing. The sleeves of the jumper were far too long and the skirt, which was probably supposed to be very short, almost reached her knees. A fleeting thought that she must be quite cold was quickly lost in the cloud of angry, fearful emotions that was swirling around in his head.

Her friend Sophie, who seemed taller each time he saw her, was towering over Edwina with a protective stance that Remus found quite annoying. It took self-control not to allow his face to show his irritation that she had brought her friend as protection.

"Good evening, Miss Westerhall. Hello Edwina." He warily greeted both women.

"Hello Professor. I'll just go then, Winnie. Okay? I'm supposed to meet Thom and his brother at 8."

"All right. Thank you for taking me, Sophie. We'll have to go back in the spring, too. Muggle plants…so fascinating." Edwina spoke with her eyes on Remus, as she embraced Sophie.

"Of course. I should have thought of taking you there years ago. Good to see you, Professor. Owl me, Winnie, okay?"

Edwina nodded at Sophie, but kept her eyes fixed on Remus. He noticed that she seemed more nervous than scared.

"Shall we go inside?"

Edwina raised her hand to rub the end of her nose lightly, "Yes, it's so cold outside."

Remus did not reply as he held open the door to the small restaurant. He hoped that £23.46 would be enough for dinner in what looked like a pseudo-posh curry house. He had only changed his pay packet into galleons the day before. If she'd let him know earlier then he could have held some out. Instead he'd had to rush to change the galleons he was carrying for settling his account with WCW Solid Fuel. Gringott's goblins always took a cut for changing, too, so he'd now paid twice for the same money.

"Did you have any trouble finding the restaurant?"

"No. I cast a locator."

He kept his eyes on her and saw that she was now quite clearly scared. The angriest portion of his mind thought with satisfaction, "Good." However his more logical side forced him to help her with her coat before she sat at the table and then say calmly, "Did you and Sophie go to Kew Gardens?"

"Yes. Did you mind coming here? I just thought since it was close to the Gardens that it would make sense to meet here."

"That was what I assumed when I found where the restaurant was. I am surprised that you never went before."

"You know Daddy didn't like me to mingle with muggles."

"Yes, I do."

There was an awkward pause as they both perused the menus. Remus realised that he would only be able order a plate of samosas for himself in order to have enough money to pay for the dinner. He so seldom got a chance to have a decent curry, too. Why couldn't she have given him at least one ruddy day's notice?

After both of them had placed their orders with an unhappy waiter, who made no attempt to hide his disdain for the oddly dressed couple who had barely ordered enough food for one person, there was another uncomfortable silence. Finally Remus cleared his throat and said, "Shall we talk, Edwina?"

Edwina, who had been staring intently at the reflection on the handle of her knife as she wondered what to say, looked up at Remus and blurted out, "I didn't mean to be so horrible. I don't know why I ran away or any of it. I'm sorry."

"I think you do know why you ran away. You were scared."

"Yes, but I shouldn't have been. You hadn't done anything to deserve that." Remus did not reply, so Edwina continued, "Everything he said just made sense. I almost died from the _agriotita_, so I _was_ scared and I just lost my head."

"Are you still afraid of me?"

"I don't know. Maybe a little, but not of the werewolf."

"What, then?"

"You. You're awfully powerful, aren't you?"

Remus sighed and replied shortly, "Yes, but have I made you feel like you cannot trust me? Do you really feel that I would hurt you?"

He knew what her answer was before she spoke. "I don't know. I suppose not." She did think he would harm her.

"I don't know what to say to you, Winnie. I am not going to hurt you."

"Maybe not, I don't know. Why did you keep my wand?"

"I never kept your wand, Winnie."

"You did. You didn't let me have it when you got it back from the Ministry. You kept it."

"Is that what you thought?" Remus watched her nod and responded with some surprise, "I went to collect your wand from the Ministry for you, but when I got home you were in the glasshouse, so I put it on your dressing table."

"You had it in your pocket the next day when you gave it to me."

"I brought it to you. I saw you'd left it and since you were working on the potworms I knew you would need it."

"Oh."

Remus leaned forward and said, "Why would you think that I would keep your wand?"

"Father used to do that with Mother. He kept it when he thought she needed to learn a lesson or when they'd had an argument."

Remus let out a shocked gasp, "Good God, Winnie. I had no idea. I thought that sort of thing went out with pleated robes and fluted hats."

"I don't know. Aldebaran says that Uncle Cygnus is like that, too."

"I will _never_ do that Winnie. That is despicable behaviour. I will never try to keep you from your wand or control you like that."

Edwina bit her lip and changed the subject, "You went to see Uncle Wilfred."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. I should have told you where I was. I should have waited to talk to you at St. Mungo's, actually."

Remus nodded, but did not say more. Edwina looked over at the waiter wondering where the food was and continued, "He had no right to say what he did to you. I told him so."

Remus was surprised. Edwina had always stood in awe of her father's older brother. "Thank you."

"He is awfully angry that I am here today. But Great-Aunt says she will sort the family, as long as I do what I believe is right."

"And what is right Edwina? Where do we go from here?"

"Do you…do you still want to have a relationship?"

Remus thought angrily that she must know what his answer would be, why did she need to ask? Perhaps she wanted him to grovel. "You know I do, Winnie."

"Can you forgive me for running away like that?"

Remus wondered incredulously, "Does she really not understand?" However he replied in a steady voice, "Yes, if we are going to be honest with each other and not continue to hide what we are thinking or feeling."

"But you are hiding something, too. Don't keep saying you aren't, because I'm not that stupid."

"You are right. I have been." Remus leaned back to allow the waiter to place a small plate with two lamb samosas in front of him and watched as Edwina's face lit up at the sight of the dish in front of her. He had not known she liked curries.

However she looked up at him as soon as the waiter was gone and said, "Whatever it is, you must tell me. All that week you held me at arm's distance and we never got anywhere. We have to be honest with each other, right?"

"You are right. But perhaps now is not the time."

"Now is the only time. If we are going to go forward together then you cannot lie to me, Remus. I want to know."

Remus looked with distaste at the steaming pockets of spiced lamb and told himself that the strong flavourings would help him get them down. "Alright, Winnie. The only possible days that the healer gave me for the conception we were not together."

Remus heard rather than saw her fork clatter to the table. He felt the long suppressed anger rise in his throat and looked away from her. The chair almost fell over as Edwina stood up to run for the lavatory at the back of the restaurant.

When she returned almost 10 minutes later, Remus could see that she had been crying heavily. In the time she was gone he had finished his own food and had hers boxed up to take away. Without a word, Remus held up her coat and eased her into it before placing his hand on her lower back to direct her to the door.

Edwina spoke in a tiny, shaky voice, "But I'm still hungry."

"Don't worry, I have your food. Come on."

When they got to the end of the street outside Remus looked around them to see how many muggles were within sight distance. Since he could only see two men neither of whom was watching them, Remus cast a warming spell and a calming spell on Edwina and a warming spell on himself. "We will talk more and you can finish eating, but I think that this conversation does not need to happen in a public place."

"Where are we going?"

Since they were now almost at the entrance to the Kew Gardens station, Remus gestured to the sign, "We'll go to Holborn and then floo from Dawson's, like we did when you went home from St. Mungo's."

* * *

When Edwina stepped out of the fireplace grate into the sitting room of Hatishall Cottage, she barely had time to look around the room before she heard Remus exit the grate behind her. The room didn't look as cheerful as she remembered. In fact, it was not very clean. She turned around and saw that he was standing with one hand on the back of the chintz-covered chair looking at her. 

For the entire journey home Remus had refused to talk to her about what had been said in the restaurant. She had felt the deep anger radiating off him, but was amazed at how calm he appeared. Everything he did was extraordinarily polite and careful, even offering her his cloak when it was clear the warming charm would not be sufficient.

But as they stood looking at each other in the sitting room of the Lupin home, Edwina could see the thinly veiled emotions playing across his face.

"Did you want to finish eating first or talk?"

"Are you saying that I had an affair?"

Remus took a deep breath before saying slowly, "I'm saying that the healer assured me that there was no chance that the baby was conceived outside of this particular 36 hour period during which I was in Norway. You did not come with me and I did not come back here to visit you."

"So you are saying I cheated on you."

Edwina saw the smouldering look in Remus' eyes as he replied, "I don't see any other explanation."

"I don't believe it."

"I didn't want to believe it either, Winnie. Do you think I want to think that you were lying to me?"

Edwina shouted, "I would never do that. I don't need to have those memories to know what sort of person I am. I can't have changed enough then to have become an adulteress, Remus."

"Then how do you explain it?"

"I don't know! Perhaps it was not voluntary."

Remus had already considered this as an excuse, but could not believe this either. "You were staying with your uncle that week, Edwina. Or so I was told. Don't you think that you would have told someone or they would have noticed if you had been attacked and raped? Instead all I heard when I got back was that your aunt had taken you shopping and that your cousin Aldebaran had come down to take you to dinner."

"I don't know but I can't have done that! You are wrong. You are so wrong. I don't believe you."

"What do you want me to think then? What should I tell myself, Edwina? Do you think that I could possibly forget coming back here to Cornwall and sleeping with you? Because I remember _every_ time, Winnie. You must know that I've been gagging for it since that first kiss in front of Robinson's eight months ago. No matter what you remember you can't be blind enough not to have noticed that, Winnie. So, perhaps you want to go back to St. Mungo's and have the baby's age measured again?"

Edwina stared at the furious wizard who had changed from his normally placid, calm demeanour to one of blind rage. She could hear the humiliation in his voice as he admitted to the depth of his desire for her and felt her face flush deep red with embarrassment. "Yes, I do. I want to see them do it because I don't believe it. I won't believe it."

"Well why bother, Winnie? Why not just do a paternity spell and have done?"

"I don't know. Why not?"

Remus narrowed his eyes ever more and said in a dangerously low growl, "Do you want me to do it, Winnie? Because when we have the result there is no going back. No uncertainty. I have not made it my business to hunt the man down because I didn't have the proof. But when I know, I will."

"No, when we have the results you will beg my forgiveness because you are wrong. Do the bloody spell, Remus. Just do it. You can, can't you?"

"Yes, I can. But it is dangerous, painful, and very dark magic."

"I don't care. DO IT."

Remus turned on his heel and stalked from the room. Edwina sank into the large green wingchair and stared into the flames of the fireplace. How could this have happened? She refused to believe that there was any possibility that she had cheated. She couldn't. She wouldn't.

"Stand up."

Edwina head the peremptory command spoken as he entered the room with a small book in his hand. When he got closer she could see that the book was bound in a strange type of skin that she didn't recognise. The cover had words in yet another language that she didn't understand.

"Give me your hand."

Remus pulled her by the hand over to the mahogany desk. He set his wand down on the desk and pulled out another wand from his pocket. She noticed that this one was sharp enough to be a weapon by itself.

Remus hissed a command and the palm of her hand felt like it was splitting open. Edwina cried out in pain as a trickle of blood poured from her hand and onto a large silver disk that Remus had set on the desk using his handkerchief. He dropped her hand and then spoke the same words with the wand aimed at his own hand.

Edwina was holding her hand, trying to stop the bleeding. She knew that there was a spell for it, but she couldn't remember the words. As Remus stood over the silver disk and spoke words that Edwina couldn't and didn't even want to understand, the blood began to boil. Suddenly a crackling and hissing sound came from the disk and a dark black smoke rose from the desktop.

"Lift the jumper, Edwina."

Edwina, who was still holding her hand and whimpering from the pain, shook her head and stepped back.

"You wanted me to perform the spell and so I am. Lift your jumper so I can touch my wand to the skin or I will."

Edwina slowly lifted the front of the woollen jumper and said, "Can't you stop the bleeding?"

"Not yet. This is really going to hurt."

Edwina felt her knees weaken in fear as she saw him lift his wand and point it towards her. Suddenly the pain in her belly was so excruciating that she felt herself beginning to lose consciousness.

She heard a distant voice saying sharply, "Stay with me, Winnie. I can't do this with you unconscious." As he spoke to her there was a sensation like a very small point exactly in the middle of her stomach was being lifted and removed. The pain was beyond anything that she had expected or ever experienced.

Remus watched as his wife knelt on the floor panting from the pain as he touched his wand to her belly and spoke the final words. As the power behind the spell built, he held the wand as still as possible. He knew that the spell would hurt her, but he had not known that it would be this bad. His anger and jealousy were strong, but his love for her was much stronger, so he was already regretting his decision to put her through this.

"Breathe out, quite hard. Come on Winnie, breathe."

Edwina breathed out and then sank to the floor in a dead faint. Remus pulled his wand back and saw that there was a long, shimmering strand hanging from the end of it. Something in his head was shouting at him to forget everything else and make sure she was alright, but his mind was too focused on the chance to finally know the truth to stop.

With a flourish he dropped the silvery strand onto the silver disk, which now contained a hole where his blood had dropped before mixing with hers and a small amount of tarry black liquid. The resulting fumes were enough to make him choke, but he did not move away because the results were enough to take his breath away. The baby, this baby was his.


	21. Chapter 21 Stigmat

Thank you to all of you who are reading this story. I especially appreciate those of you who have taken the time to review. It is always nice to know what people think about what I've written.

Chapter 21

Something hurt. Something really, really….her head was going to explode. If she could only wake up and open her eyes perhaps she could stop the pain. After some effort she managed to open one eye very slightly, but the pain only multiplied.

A man's voice said urgently, "Drink this. It will help, my love."

Drinking something would help? Well then give it to ….she coughed and spat out the horrible tasting potion.

The man's voice seemed very insistent as he said, "It tastes nasty, but it is worth it. Try again, Winnie. Come on, love."

"Are you sure?" Her own voice sounded strange, too.

"Yes, my darling. The pain will go away. I promise. Drink this all down and you will feel better."

She took a deep breath and tried to swallow the bitter, thick liquid as quickly as she could.

Lovely, lovely man, it had worked. She opened up her eyes to thank whoever had been helping her and saw the sickly white, frightened face of Remus Lupin.

He reached out his hand and placed it on her forearm saying softly, "Winnie?"

All the memories of what he had said flooded back into her head and Edwina tried to pull herself away from him. There was such a desolate look in his eyes; the test must have come out against her.

"How do you feel? Is the pain any better?"

"What did it say?"

She watched his body sag with grief as he spoke in a hoarse, rough voice, "God Winnie, I am so sorry. I was so wrong, utterly wrong. I don't know how to explain it, but you were right."

"The baby is yours?"

"Yes, absolutely mine. No question at all. I was so wrong, darling." Remus picked up her hand and pressed his lips to her palm before placing it against his cheek. "The healer must have made a mistake. I ought to have known that and not assumed you had betrayed me. I should never have believed it."

The test had gone in her favour. He was the father. "Do healers make mistakes about those things?"

"They must have done, Winnie. I did not make one with the test."

Edwina looked up at the man standing beside the bed. She had never seen anyone look so absolutely shattered before. She didn't have the energy to think out what she really wanted to say. All that she wanted to do was sleep.

"I…I don't have words for how sorry I am, Winnie love. It is my fault that things came to this. And I should never have put you at risk by performing the paternity spell, either. That sort of magic is dangerous to anyone, but with the Breochaid…"

"I told you to do it, Remus. I had to know."

As he spoke Edwina heard an angry edge to his voice, "If I hadn't been such a fool then you wouldn't have asked me to do the spell, Winnie. In any case, I should have refused to do something so risky to your health."

Edwina was so tired, so very tired of all the emotional upheaval. Surely everything didn't have to be always scary and painful. An instinctive feeling inside her gut told her that now was the time. This was when she decided whether they had a future together or not. She had been sure for two days now what she wanted, so she had to tell him. She just wanted things to be nice. She didn't want an unhappy, miserable life like her mother, but maybe with him there was the possibility for real love.

"Do you think that you are any more foolish than I was? I actually believed the healer when he told me that you are a horrible, dangerous dark creature, who will almost certainly turn me into one of your kind eventually and raise our child in some dirty, hidden werewolf subculture."

This admission startled him. "He thought that I would pass the curse onto you? Why would I ever do that?"

"I don't know, Remus. But he told me that werewolves have some sordid lifestyle that I should protect my child from at all costs."

Remus stared with a puzzled expression at Edwina as she lay back against the cushions of the bed. "There _are_ werewolf communities, as I have told you, but I do not live that life. I am not sure what he thought I was going to do to you, but I can assure you that I am not going to make you into a werewolf or do anything else so disgusting."

"But I believed it."

Remus moved closer and picked up both of her hands and lifted them to his chest. "Yes, you did."

"I don't want to be angry anymore."

Edwina saw a flash of hope in his eyes, which was too quickly replaced by a horrible, empty look.

"Neither do I, Winnie."

"Can we forgive each other and make things right?"

"I hope so, Winnie."

"I want to."

"Do you, darling? Tell me what you mean by that. Please."

"I mean, well, I want to stay. I don't want to waste any more time being silly."

As she finished speaking, Edwina was not surprised that she was being gently, but fervently embraced by her husband. What did surprise her were her own feelings and her reaction to being held so closely by him. She _loved_ this man. It didn't matter that her feelings didn't make much sense to her or that only a short time before he had thought she was pregnant by another man. She was tired of being unhappy. She loved him and it was terrifyingly real and quite overwhelming. Somehow there didn't seem to be any point in waiting anymore.

Edwina wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned forward so she could kiss him. His response was predictably passionate and completely wonderful. If this was a taste of how things could be then she wanted more. Right now, in fact.

* * *

If he could wake up with her hair tickling his nose every morning then he didn't think he could ever really complain about anything again. Nothing had gone as he expected yesterday. He had almost accepted that she was not going to contact him, since it had been almost 3 weeks since she had left and she had not yet written. Remus told himself that it would be best not to think about what his plans for today had been before he got her letter. Everything he had intended to do in these last two days before the full moon would have been quite illegal and could easily have landed him in Azkaban. 

He had been unable to think of any candidates for her lover, so he hadn't had any idea where to start looking. But there was no rival. Instead, now he had to find out how a healer of St. Mungo's could have made such a large error in such a simple, regular test. Twice. He hadn't told Edwina or even Sirius that he had requested the test to be redone.

Was there a third possibility? The simplest explanation was usually the right one. How likely was a healer to make the same mistake twice on a standard charm? Even the likelihood of Edwina being unfaithful had seemed greater, but he had been wonderfully, blessedly wrong about that. Was there something else that could explain everything?

In fact that was just it. There were entirely too many mysteries surrounding Edwina and him. If he thought about things impartially it was all quite unlikely. Perhaps there was only one mystery. The pregnancy that he could not explain, the odd reactions of her family to her attack, the identity and motive of her attacker…Remus listed the unexplained occurrences to himself and then suddenly pushed himself up in the bed. There was another mystery as well: the disappearance of her father and the sudden suicide of her mother.

"Oh, is it time to get up?"

The sleepy voice of his wife effectively derailed his brain from any further logical thought. "No, you may lie in as long as you like, Winnie."

He watched her open her eyes when he spoke and saw a deep red flush of embarrassment spread over her face. He ought to have expected that. Remus turned to get out of the bed and find some proper clothing.

He pulled on some trousers and a robe that he must have discarded over two weeks ago, which he found in the corner by the bed. He rarely bothered with a bath the day before full moon, but it had been almost three days since he had washed so he knew he must reek of sweat. It hadn't mattered as much when it was just him and Sirius, who had told Remus when Remus had pointedly reminded Sirius about the invention of soap that he really couldn't be arsed either.

He saw Edwina look down at her nightdress and pull up the sheet to her chin. "I want to get dressed."

Remus turned to get some clean clothing for himself, which he could put on after the bath, and heard her jump up from the bed. Tucking his own clothing under his arm, he took her dark red dressing gown down from the hook inside the wardrobe and turned around. Edwina snatched the dressing gown from his hand and quickly put it on without looking at him. Remus pulled out a pair of ratty looking slippers and slid his feet into them.

"What is that thing on your back?"

Remus responded with a puzzled query, "What do you mean?"

"I could see it through your shirt just now when I woke. You have a big tattoo thing on your back."

"Oh, yes. It is just that, a tattoo."

"Right, but what does it mean?"

"It has to do with a specific branch of wizardry. It isn't important."

"If it isn't important then why do you have it?"

Remus could see that she was feeling embarrassed and awkward, so she was focusing on asking about his _stigmat_. However, he didn't want to delve into a discussion of his marking nor the time of his life when he had gotten it.

"It is part of my past."

"Why don't you want me to know about it?"

Remus leaned back against the wardrobe and considered his wife for a moment. What should he tell her now, anyway? A year ago he had thought that part of him was well buried. But twice in as many weeks he had felt the _taină_ rising.

"There isn't a simple answer. That marking essentially means that I am a werewolf."

"You mean it is something all werewolves have? Like the registration number?"

"You know about that?" Edwina nodded in response. "No actually, that is there for identification by the Ministry. They are supposed to be able to track all werewolves that have been tagged."

"Can they?"

Remus laughed shortly, "No. That was easy to overcome. But I cannot remove the number marking, however."

"It's horrible that they do that."

"I think so."

"But the other thing, it isn't from the Ministry?"

"No. I got it when I was collecting research for my specialist in magical subcultures. In fact the magic behind this marking and the study I was doing is the reason that I wanted to take the degree in the first place. There is a type of magic that is used by some half-humans, not just werewolves but also part-veela or part-giants amongst others, which is used to control the various portions of one's being."

Edwina squeaked, "What does _that_ mean?"

"It means that some half-humans want to summon their non-human abilities or to hone them for some particular purpose. Others, a definite minority to which I belong, want to use this type of magic to keep the non-human portion of themselves hidden."

"Oh. You can make yourself a werewolf when there isn't a full moon?"

Remus' expression was firm as he replied with a harsh voice, "Yes, I could, but I would never want to do that."

"So, so the healer was right? There is a werewolf culture and you aren't just dangerous at the full moon?"

Edwina stared at him with wide eyes waiting for him to respond. Remus purposefully relaxed his clenched fists and leaned back into the wardrobe as he answered, "No, he was not right, Winnie. A werewolf is dangerous at the full moon without the potion that helps him keep his mind, because he has no control. A werewolf with only a werewolf's mind is extremely dangerous. But a werewolf who takes the potion and who can control the beast is much safer."

"But if you take the potion why do you need to control yourself?"

"I must control myself during the rest of the month, Winnie. When a werewolf feels any deep, primal emotion then his werewolf's instincts can become _very_ strong. The more I can control the _taină_, the better." Remus saw her mouth open to ask a question and answered, "_Taină_ means the secret self or the mystery. That is what those who study _Vrăjitorie Noastră_ call the portion of us that is non-human."

Edwina noticed the superlatively calm voice of the man in front of her as he described what seemed to her to be a dark and frightening part of himself. She tried to remember what Professor Quirrell had taught them about werewolves in third year. "How do you control it?"

"That is an extremely complex type of magic, Winnie. Very few wizards or witches are strong enough to master it. More often the student loses themselves to the beast instead of the other way round. More than half of us went mad or worse."

Edwina wasn't sure how she felt about the implication that he must be an abnormally powerful wizard to have succeeded at this weird magic. "Then why would anyone want to study it? Do all werewolves study that?"

Remus shook his head. He could see nervousness and uncertainty evident in Edwina's body language, but if he were going to explain _Vrăjitorie Noastră_ at all then a full disclosure was best. "No, no. Very few wizards and witches have ever heard of it so most werewolves don't even know it exists. It is only taught in either Romania or Slovakia and always with extreme secrecy. I studied it because I do not like what the werewolf is. It almost caused me to harm someone many years ago, so I determined to do what I could to restrict the wolf."

Edwina shivered as she asked, "It is dark magic, isn't it?"

"No, not precisely, although it can be. Unrestrained natural magic is very complex, Edwina. That is why becoming an animagus is so heavily regulated. The majority of the applications of unrestrained natural magic do border on the dark arts, but not all of them."

"How do you do it?"

"Do what, control the _taină?" _Remus glanced at the moon clock by his shoulder and said, "That is something we are not going to discuss right now, Edwina. When I sent your family an owl last night to let them know that you would be staying here, I promised that you would contact them early this morning. You know that if you don't then there will be trouble. So I think I should set about organising breakfast while you write your great-aunt."

"Oh! I never thought about letting them know where I was." Edwina looked at the moon clock, as well, trying to remember how one read the writhing outer bands. The inner band seemed to say it was at least 7 in the morning.

"I think that is understandable considering everything. However I didn't want your uncle trying to break down the wards around the house."

"Oh, oh yes. Uncle Wilfred is not going to be impressed when he knows that I'm coming back here."

Remus thought that was a rather enormous understatement, but said nothing further. Edwina's easy assumption that she was coming back to Hatishall Cottage to live was a little surprising.

Remus wasn't going to argue with her, although he wondered if they were ready to live together again. However he didn't think that they really had the luxury of reacquainting themselves with each other slowly, so he would take this opportunity and run with it.

As he smiled at Edwina and gestured for her to precede him through the door, he thought that it was lucky that the sitting room had at least been decently presentable the night before. Fortunately she hadn't yet seen the state of the kitchen and she had not seemed to notice the bedroom the night before. He'd had a chance to do a hasty clean of the bedroom the night before, once he had written to her family and spoken to Sirius, but he knew she wouldn't be amused by the plates that were currently moulding in the sink. Edwina hated disorder.


	22. Chapter 22 A little closer

Chapter 22

"How much longer do we have until you have to go?"

"About an hour. I only have to go from the lane out front into Redruth and then to Birmingham. The warehouse is in Wednesbury."

"Can't you just apparate straight there?"

He had forgotten that she hadn't gotten her apparation license until several months after she left school, so she wouldn't remember her lessons. "I could, however it is safer to apparate long distances from the nearest city to the largest city near where one is going, so if a mistake is made one has a larger margin of error."

"Oh. I've always been afraid that I'd splinch myself."

Remus smiled, "You passed your exam only a few months after you left school, I believe."

"I did? I wonder why I changed my mind. I had never intended to learn at all."

Surprised, Remus answered, "I don't know. We can begin lessons for you again, if you like. Since you have already done it, you may find it easier than you think."

"Do you work a lot?"

"I've been working from 10 until 6 every day. There wasn't any point in taking off the weekend. However, they know that I will be gone for the two days following the full moon."

"They know you are a werewolf?"

"No, Winnie, they don't even know that I am a wizard."

"Really?"

Remus laughed, "I don't look very much like I would be good security without a wand, do I?"

Edwina thought privately that he really did not. "They must have thought so."

Remus smiled mischievously, "Ye-es, but whether that thought was natural or whether it was put there for them is only for the wizard in question to know."

"You made them give you the job?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders, "Perhaps I encouraged them a little."

"Oh! Won't you get in horrible trouble?"

"Only if they ever put a trace on the correct wand."

"I thought that werewolves' wands were all monitored."

"Mm, yes. I think that the Ministry believes that, as well. However it is always possible to own more than one wand, Winnie."

Edwina gasped and spoke in a half-admiring, half-shocked tone, "You have an unregistered wand? Aren't they awfully hard to get?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders again. "In Britain, yes. However I haven't always lived in Britain, Winnie."

"Oh. So, so why didn't you just make the muggles give you the money? Why take a job?"

"Because that really isn't honest, is it? I may have given myself better odds at the job, but I didn't change the salary or do anything actually dishonest."

"Oh. I suppose that makes sense. So you just patrol the warehouse all day?"

Remus reached out his hand and moved a hair that was hanging in front of her face. "Yes."

Edwina budged up closer to where Remus was. She had pulled the ottoman for the flowered chintz chair over to the green chair and had seated herself on it so that she could lean on the arm of his chair while they talked. Remus smiled lazily and asked, "How did you find your plants?"

"Oh, quite half of them are unsalvageable. The poor, poor things. I didn't think of them even once the entire time I was gone, I really can't believe it."

"You had other things on your mind, Winnie. I tried a stasis spell, but I don't really know a proper one. I used the spell for keeping food from spoiling."

Winnie smiled, "That is nearly the right one, only slightly different. But some of the plants cannot be put in a stasis state. The ones I might be able to save were those that aren't so delicate."

"So the Simplex level plants?"

"Quite dead, except the _solatia lunaris_, of course."

Remus had no idea why that plant, whatever it was, would have survived, but it didn't really matter. She did and it was her specialty, so he would continue in ignorance and leave her to it.

"I have some questions about that magic."

Remus, who had been pleased with himself for successfully navigating the conversation away from his _stigmat_ earlier groaned inwardly. He sighed aloud and said, "Fine, but I do not intend to discuss _Vrăjitorie Noastră _at length."

"Must you always call it that? Isn't there an English term, so I know what to call it?"

"There really isn't any English name for it. _Vrăjitorie Noastră_ has a double meaning – "our bewitchment" and "our own wizardry". There isn't any real way to say that in English. I suppose that we could call it the Control. That is what they call it in Slovak."

"What language is that anyway?"

"Romanian. I studied the Romanian form of the Control. There is a Slovak version, but it uses more dark magic. Their _stăpânire…_I suppose Mastery is a close enough translation, is always for power and never to calm the beast."

"So you always worked to control it for good?"

Remus frowned, "That was my purpose in going there and that is all I use it for now."

Edwina squinted her eyes and said softly, "You tried the other?"

"Yes. I do not wish to do that ever again."

"Why? I mean, why did you?"

"That is hard to explain, Edwina. I would rather not delve into that now."

"Could I ask you some other questions?"

"Yes."

"Do we have friends? I mean, besides Sirius Black, did we have any friends or did we just sit at the house by ourselves?"

Remus smiled, "We did stay here a lot and I don't think it bothered either of us very much. I do have a few friends, but none of them are the sort that comes over for dinner, Edwina. The Weasleys came over once and we went there twice."

"The plump red-haired lady? She's nice, but…it was like having a kind auntie that you didn't even recognise. And I felt guilty when she came because I didn't like her sons. One of them once turned my hair purple and he thought it was terribly funny even when I cried."

Remus recognised the description of Fred Weasley. George would definitely have been affected by a girl's tears. "Fred and George Weasley never mean any harm by their pranks, Edwina, so I don't think that they always realise when they have actually hurt someone's feelings."

"Maybe, but I didn't like them or the other one. The dreary, poncy one who was head boy."

"No, well, it is best not to mention Percy around Molly or Arthur. He has renounced the family."

"He hasn't! I never heard anything so shameful. Why even _my_ family didn't disown me after our marriage and you know what they are like! The Weasleys are kind people, aren't they?"

"The Weasleys belong to the organisation, Winnie. Percy does not."

"Oh. Do you really have to go to that meeting tonight?"

"I do. I promise that I would skip it if I thought I could. However, Sirius…I need to be there."

"What about tomorrow? Do you work again?"

"Yes. I need to work as much as possible, Edwina. I will be taking off almost two weeks in about two months. This sort of job doesn't give holidays."

"You'll lose your job then?"

"Unless I can find a substitute, yes."

"Why do you have to take off so long?"

"I have a job to do for the organisation. That is really all I can tell you right now. It is something only I can do, so there is no backing out of it."

Edwina pursed her lips and regarded Remus closely. After a few moment she asked, "Do you have any family?"

"Yes, an aunt and her five children, all of whom despise me. There is no relationship there."

"Oh. That is all?"

"I do have some muggle relatives, but again there is no relationship. They don't hate me, but they don't really care either. My mother's family never really understood the magical world and my illness frightened them. I think it is easier for them to ignore everything and _everyone_ magical."

"I don't really mind the Bledsoe family having cut me. Most of them are cranks about one cause or the other. It gets tiresome remembering who hates what so you always say the wrong thing. But when I first woke up from the memory loss and I thought even Aldebaran had forgotten me…I don't think I could bear it if he did. He's the only Bledsoe that ever mattered, you know?"

"Yes, Winnie. I think he feels the same way about you, as close as a sibling."

"Yes, that's it. I couldn't have survived my first two years at Hogwarts without him looking out for me. I was so tiny then that they almost didn't let me go to school."

"You never told me that."

"I had a lot of trouble growing. Mum thought it was because of our house and Father doing too much dark magic or something. But the healers said that some Breochaidie girls never grow past 4 feet until puberty."

"I see."

"So Aldebaran was my bodyguard."

"A sixth year Slytherin bodyguard for a first year Hufflepuff must have raised eyebrows."

Edwina laughed, "It did! He wouldn't even let me carry my books, but he didn't want to carry them himself. So he would "enlist" a helper."

Remus smiled and said, "Very believable."

"I remember once my friends admitted that they were terrified of him, so I asked Aldebaran to get them sweets at Hogsmeade so they wouldn't think he was so scary. But you know Aldebaran."

"What did he do, get them cockroach clusters?"

"Acid pops. I could have killed him! But when he saw I really was upset he offered to make Geoffrey Wettle give them his chocolates."

Remus shook his head and said with amusement, "But not his own sweets."

"Aldebaran? He might have given them to me, but nothing else would part him from his nut fudge I think. It's his fault I got addicted to fudge. He used to bring me a bag every Hogsmeade weekend."

"Winnie, I wanted to talk to you about your family, actually."

"Oh? What about?"

"Several things. Did your family mention why none of them visited you when you were in St. Mungo's?"

"I asked Aldebaran. He told me that he hadn't heard I was ill. I know he was lying, but I didn't press him to answer."

"How about your uncle?"

"I didn't ask Uncle Wilfred. One doesn't really ask Uncle things."

"Do you think it is odd that they didn't visit?"

"Yes. I do. At first I thought that maybe they had all cut me when I got married. That was an awful thought, you know? To think Father was gone and Uncle didn't care for me and even Aldebaran…"

Remus touched her arm and said softly, "Yes, Winnie, I do know. I am glad that wasn't the case." Remus readjusted himself in the chair and continued. "When you were with your great-aunt, did your family discuss your parents?"

"Oh, you know I asked Great-Aunt what had happened and she was very odd about it. She told me that I had enough to worry about and that I should pray for my mother's soul."

"No one else mentioned anything else?"

"Well Aldebaran isn't a Leighton, so he really didn't have anything to do with Father, you know? He would never have discussed them and he rather hated Mum. Of course everyone hated Mum."

Remus nodded. Edwina's mother had been an awful woman. "I have been thinking about some of the unexplained things that have been happening to us. I have the beginning of an idea, but I'm not really certain yet."

"What is it?"

"I would like to investigate some things before I say more. But I think that everything is related. It is no coincidence that your family didn't visit and I think your mother's death and your father's disappearance are also connected."

"How?"

"I'm still thinking that through."

Edwina stared at him. "Remus, was I the same person before that I am now?"

Remus drew his brows together and tilted his head to one side. "Yes, you are. I would say you are the same person, but you haven't reacted the same way to everything."

"How so?"

"You are more afraid of me, but less in awe of me. You are less willing to defer to me."

Edwina blanched slightly. Her mother had told her repeatedly throughout her childhood that a pureblooded witch should always defer to the males of her family, especially her father and her future husband. The ideal had been instilled so carefully that Edwina had never questioned that this was right until her seventh year. Sophie had railed at her for being a doormat to Aldebaran, who, unaware of Edwina's desperate crush on Lupin, had wanted her to meet his friend at Hogsmeade. In the end, Edwina had flooed Aldebaran from the Hufflepuff common room to accept, but her cousin had seen her tears and immediately jettisoned the entire idea.

Edwina's mind came back to the present. Her mother would have had strong words for how Edwina had acted over the last month. But what did he mean precisely? Perhaps she should ask.

"Edwina?" Remus seemed very concerned. "I didn't mean that was a bad thing, Winnie. I tried everything I could think of to get you to open up to me beforehand. I always had a feeling that you had ideas or desires that you were afraid to tell me about."

"Oh."

"Listen to me, Winnie. Your opinions matter to me. I don't want you to keep things from me."

"Do you tell me everything?"

Remus shook his head, "No, I don't. I can't tell you everything, Winnie, because some things are not my secrets to tell. But perhaps in time I will tell you my own secrets. Honestly, there is a lot there so it will take some time."

"That isn't fair. I can't have secrets, but you can."

Remus frowned and placed his hand over hers on the arm of his chair. "My secrets aren't nice, Winnie. I don't enjoy them." Remus looked back at the moon clock and with a sudden movement he jerked himself up from the chair. "I'm going to be late. I have to leave, Winnie."

"Now?"

"Yes. Tonks will bring Blackie this afternoon, I think. Where did I leave my flask?"

Winnie raised her wand and the pewter flask flew through the air into her hand. "On the table. Here it is."

"Thank you, love. I will see you tonight."

Winnie placed her hand on his chest and said softly, "Ok."

Remus bent his head to meet hers with a small smile.


	23. Chapter 23 A Theory

_Thank you to all of my patient readers: the mystery is close to being resolved. Additional thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review: Emmy, Taleel, and Julian. It is wonderful to have such kind, generous feedback!_

Chapter 23

Remus stepped out from the grate with a deep, heart-felt sigh of relief. There had been no reason for the meeting to run so long. Also, although it was certainly kind of Emmeline to ask after Edwina, their conversation, Molly's well-meant, lengthy advice, and his final conversation with Sirius all combined to keep him over an hour longer at Grimmauld Place than had been strictly necessary after an already prolonged meeting. He looked at the moon clock on the desk and groaned. It was almost 11. Edwina would surely have gone to bed long ago.

Remus had been counting on a little time with her that evening. They had left things on such a good note that morning that he had felt hopeful and even excited at the prospect of how things would go that evening. But not much could happen if she were already sleeping.

Blackie bounded into the room and jumped up on Remus to greet him. Remus patted the dog's giant head and stepped to the side, so Blackie would jump down. With a wave of a light brown, stubby wand, Remus turned up the lamp on the table. He could see that there was a note waiting for him beside it.

A deep, visceral fear gripped Remus as he lunged forward to snatch up the piece of brown parchment. She couldn't have left to go back to her family. Things had been good…she knew he had the meeting…not again…

Remus had to close his eyes and steady his erratic, thumping heart before he could allow himself to reread the note to be sure that everything was alright: "The house is now CLEAN. If you want dinner, there is something in the cold cupboard. I find that "Oblitterare" is an effective spell for dishes."

He had known she would spend the entire day cleaning. Edwina had no patience for slovenly habits and she was fiercely house-proud. He ought to have expected that she would have been disgusted by the mess that he had tried to hide from his four day binge.

Remus felt the oddest urge to smile, however. A row over the state of the house was so incredibly _normal_. He had best do up a good breakfast for her and make a full pot of her tea. Strong enough to stop a troll in its tracks, just how she liked it.

* * *

Edwina woke with a start and reached out her hand to feel the empty space beside her. She immediately sat up and looked over at the moon clock. He hadn't come home yet?

"Hungry, love?"

Edwina swung her head round to where her husband was sitting with a very large, heavy volume opened across his lap in the Jacobean chair. "When did you get in?"

"Very late, much later than I had hoped. I'm sorry that you had to go to bed alone."

Edwina had been extremely irritated when she had fallen asleep the night before. No fewer than six dirty beakers, which had clearly held some sort of alcohol at some point, had been left around the house. Three filthy shirts stuffed down behind the bed. She didn't even want to know why there had been a lone shoe on top of the wardrobe. But after she had spent a day cleaning up what looked like either the aftermath of an erumpent running loose in their cottage or the wreckage of a drunken binge, he hadn't even come home. Edwina narrowed her eyes as she spoke, "I see. Your meeting ran late?"

Remus saw the warning signs and hastily closed his book so that he could stand up. "I'm sorry, Winnie. I really couldn't get away, though I wished to." Remus could see that she was still seriously unimpressed, so he spoke in a very gentle tone, "The house does look wonderful, Winnie. You must have spent all day cleaning up my mess. Thank you."

Edwina nodded and said cryptically, "Doxies in _my_ house!"

Remus frowned with embarrassment. "Were there? I really am sorry, Winnie. I didn't clean anything before I went to stay with Sirius."

"That was obvious."

"I'm sorry, Winnie. I won't let it get like that again."

Edwina snorted and then said with a half smile, "If I ever went on holiday and came back to that Remus, you had better hide."

Remus understood that he was forgiven and said, "Don't worry; I will be very good from here on. I found a few mushrooms, so I've made a full breakfast for you."

Edwina's face lit up with pleasure, "Really?"

"Yes, really. Even made your tar tea."

Edwina laughed, "Is that what you call it?"

Remus nodded and raised his wand abruptly and then jabbed its point toward the bed and spoke aloud three words before the Japanese lacquer tray appeared beside Edwina along with a lovely aroma of bacon.

"This looks wonderful. Thank you."

Remus smiled and then whirled his wand and pointed to the dressing table, where the pewter tea pot, a small cream cow, and a teacup suddenly appeared. He walked across the room and poured out some milk into the cup before reaching for the teapot. "I am afraid that I have to leave for work in about twenty minutes, Winnie."

Edwina looked back at the moon clock. She really needed to ask how to read it properly. "When will you be back this time?"

Remus handed her the teacup and began to speak, but was stopped as Edwina's small hand grasped the front of his robes and pulled him down to her. He pressed a second light kiss on her lips as he reached out a hand for the bedpost to catch his balance. When he spoke, his nose was still grazing her cheek, so he saw her unfocused eyes widen as he said, "I will leave at 6 and come directly home to you."

Remus pulled back and stared at her uncertainly, waiting for her response. Edwina spoke quietly, "Good. I want to go see Great-Aunt today. I think I need to do that."

Edwina pulled her glasses and her wand from under her pillow and was putting them on as Remus brushed back his hair and cleared his throat. "What's that?"

Remus looked down at where she was pointing and then hastily tucked the necklace back under his shirt. "St. Edmund of East Anglia, patron saint of all werewolves (Readers: please see note below)."

"Oh." Edwina stuffed a large forkful of eggs in her mouth and began chewing as she watched him watching her. For several minutes neither said anything as he leaned against the bedpost and she ate hungrily.

Edwina finally asked, "Are we going to be awkward again?"

Remus shook his head and smiled, "I hope not. Is the tea right?"

Edwina took a sip and nodded.

"Edwina, I would like to talk to you about my theory. I spent much of yesterday thinking it through."

Edwina swallowed abruptly and said with a gasp, "Tell me."

"I spoke to Sirius last night. I had him question me about the time I spent in Norway, which I had apparently talked to him about once before. What I remember does not correspond with what I told him three months ago."

Edwina choked on the swallow of tea that she had just taken. "Your memory has been modified, too?"

Remus nodded, "I believe so."

Edwina stared up at Remus and asked hesitantly, "But…wouldn't it take…well how would someone be able to attack _you_? You're so powerful."

Remus smiled ruefully, "There are plenty of wizards who could, Winnie, and if I were caught unaware then it wouldn't matter how well I can use a wand."

"Do you think that my father did it?"

"Yes, Winnie, I do. I'm not sure of my facts really. But if your father had a reason to obliviate your memory, if you knew something that could be dangerous to him, he might have chosen to take out your memories of that time. Sirius tells me that although I was supposed to be gone for five days that I came home to see you after only two."

"Oh!"

"I was apparently home for only part of a day and then returned to Norway. But I don't remember that time at all. I think that your father didn't expect to find me here and therefore had to modify both of our memories."

"But why would he take that whole year from me, but not from you?"

Remus did not have a good answer, but suspected that Wolfred Leighton had an excellent reason for his actions. "I don't know, love. I can't explain that. But I suspect that the reason he took both the memories _and_ the year is due to our relationship. Perhaps he had a plan to try to break up our marriage. I'm really not sure."

Edwina had completely forgotten the tray with the only partially eaten breakfast. She slid off the bed and stood up next to Remus, looking him in the eye, "You don't have any ideas or you aren't sure that I can handle knowing what you think?"

Remus shook his head and placed a hand on her back, "I really am not sure, Winnie. However, I think that your father is hiding on the continent somewhere."

Edwina nodded, "Yes, he could be. He's done something awful, hasn't he?"

Remus shook his head, "I don't know."

"You don't think…he wouldn't have decided to…Death Eaters?" Winnie had whispered the words, but Remus had heard clearly the fear in her voice.

"No. I don't."

"Because, because when I asked Aldebaran if he were…if he had…"

Remus was shocked, "You asked your cousin if he is a Death Eater? Winnie!" Remus could not imagine that Aldebaran Shipley would be able to control his temper even for Edwina when accused of being a follower of Voldemort.

"Y-yes and he said that I was a silly, daft little cow." Edwina blinked back a tear and said an unstable voice, "He was angrier than he's ever been with me. I forgot that he wouldn't believe that He-who-must-not-be-named is back again."

"I'm not surprised, Winnie. You cannot go asking your family something like that, ok? That is not a good idea."

"But Aldebaran wouldn't hurt me, Remus, and I had to know."

"I know he wouldn't have hurt you, Winnie, but if he were a follower of Voldemort you don't think that he would actually tell you, do you?"

Winnie was now sitting on the edge of the bed with Remus' hands on her hips as his eyes bored down into her own. "I…I didn't think that he would lie to me."

"Aldebaran is never going to tell you something that you don't want to hear, Winnie."

"But after I asked about him, Aldebaran said that he wouldn't be surprised if father was."

"I really don't think so, Winnie. I think perhaps your father has disappeared for another reason."

Remus looked at the clock and saw that it was past time for him to leave. He would have to do a direct apparation in order to be on time. "Winnie, love?"

Winnie hung her arms around his neck and said softly, "Yes?"

"We will sort this out. We _will_ find the answer."

"Yes. I know we will because I won't rest until we do."

"There is something else we need to talk about."

Edwina leaned into the hand that Remus was using to caress her head for a few moments before replying softly, "Yes?"

"Tonight is the full moon. Therefore we will only have a few hours together before I change."

"OH! I had forgotten. What do we do? I mean, what do I do, can I help you?"

Remus smiled sadly, "No, you cannot help me. I have a room that I go into and I remain there until the morning. You cannot come in there with me."

"You aren't safe?"

"I do not want to risk anything, Winnie. In the morning I will be very tired, so I won't be able to do much beyond eat a little and sleep."

"Where is the room?"

Remus nodded his head to the corner of the bedroom, "Concealed there. We will talk more about this tonight."

"If I could help you then I would want to."

"I know darling. I'm sorry, but I am already late, so I have to go."

"I understand. We'll talk then." She allowed him to kiss her and then pulled back to look at him. She touched her finger to the small gold medal dangling from a dingy cord around his neck, which had fallen out from his robes once again. "Take care of yourself today?"

Remus nodded and said gruffly, "I will." He felt her reluctance to let him leave as she kissed him goodbye and was immeasurably reassured.

**

* * *

**

**Author's Note:**

St. Edmund of East Anglia was king of East Anglia by the age of 14. He was later captured by the invading Danes and martyred in the year 869 A.D. at the age of 28 by the novel method of being shot until covered with arrows and then beheaded. St. Edmund, whose memorial is the 20th of November, is the patron saint of kings, plague and torture victims, wolves, and werewolves. Wizards and witches may find more information about St. Edmund in book _Famous Wizards Martyred throughout History: from Aconteus to Zosima_, whereas muggle readers interested in further information are recommended to look up St. Edmund the Martyr on either Wikipedia or the Catholic Encyclopaedia at "new advent" dot "org".


	24. Chapter 24 Aldebaran

Chapter 24

Aldebaran Shipley knew that he was not in a good mood. In fact, it wasn't just the fact that he was going to have to hire a new assistant soon that was upsetting him. It was hard to focus on work when his mind was partially occupied by family concerns. It wasn't even the annoying owls that he got every morning from Angelica's mother about her latest idea for the increasingly expensive wedding that really had him pacing the floors. It was Dolly and her damned husband, that manky werewolf who had ruined his favourite cousin's life, that had Aldebaran angrily turning the small porcelain statue of a jurisconsultary wizard that Angelica had given him into a progressively disturbing succession of strange beasts.

The first time around he had forced himself not to interfere with the marriage. He had detested the idea of Edwina being tied for life to a man that could never hope to deserve her. However, despite Aunt Carina's impassioned diatribe in favour of killing the werewolf, which Aldebaran thought wouldn't be such a bad idea if it could be managed without repercussions, Aldebaran knew he would never really have acted on the plan. No matter what was really in Edwina's best interests, Aldebaran simply couldn't bear to see her upset. And there was no doubt in his mind that his cousin would have gone mad with grief if her dirty werewolf died.

But this time Aldebaran had been convinced by Wilfred Leighton, who Aldebaran was fully aware had other motives than pure altruism, to interfere. Leighton had convinced him not to visit her in hospital and to stay out of the picture, so Edwina would be driven away from the werewolf and back to her family when she saw that the family was unanimous in reviling the marriage. Aldebaran had not really expected the plan to work, but hated the idea that his Dolly was still trapped in a marriage to the werewolf when she no longer even loved the man. Therefore he had grudgingly given Leighton two weeks for the plan to work all the while hating knowing how crushed Edwina surely was that he hadn't gone to see her. Yet Aldebaran had been quite pleased when she had fled the relationship, even if she had fled to a Leighton.

Aldebaran, who had quite seriously been working the finer details of how best to rid the world of a very annoying werewolf before his cousin changed her mind, had therefore been helpless with rage when he heard that she had gone back to the half-blooded bastard. Even Angelica, who was far more beautiful than she was intelligent, had understood that she ought to keep her distance for a while. And now she fancied herself in love with him again, so he needed to make a final decision about what to do. The werewolf had managed to get her pregnant into the bargain, so if Aldebaran killed the filthy beast this still left Edwina with an encumbrance.

"Aldebaran! Aldebaran, let me in!"

Aldebaran lunged for the door and opened it to allow his cousin to enter his office. Edwina was shivering as she clutched her cloak to herself and spoke with an abnormally high-pitched voice, "I know you hate to be disturbed when you are at work, but I had to see you."

Aldebaran cast an immediate warming charm on Edwina as he led her to the large chair behind the desk. "You can always come to me, Dolly, you know that. What has he done?"

"Hm? Oh it isn't Remus, Aldebaran. It's Father."

Aldebaran, who had his own reasons for suspecting that her father was far from dead, paused for a brief moment before he finished handing Edwina the cup of steaming tea that he had conjured for her. He asked harshly, "What do you mean, Dolly?"

Edwina took the cup and winced at Aldebaran's tone. "We just found out. Remus was obliviated, too. That's why he didn't remember…why things didn't seem right."

Aldebaran frowned. She meant, of course, why the idiot werewolf had thought she had cheated on him. This accusation alone had been enough for Aldebaran to long for a chance for a good torture session with Edwina's husband, but if the fool had been obliviated, as well, that was interesting. Interesting indeed.

As much as Aldebaran hated Remus Lupin, and there was no doubt in anyone's mind, including Edwina's, that hatred was the only way to describe Aldebaran's feelings toward Lupin, he knew the man did love her. Remus Lupin worshipped Edwina to a degree that even Aldebaran found surprising. If it had not been jealousy, but a genuine lack of memory that had caused Lupin to make the ridiculous accusation...

Aldebaran, who had already worked out that it would probably take at least two decent wizards to take down the werewolf, thought rapidly as Edwina explained about Lupin's theory. Wolfred Leighton would not be foolish enough to have attacked Lupin by himself. Aldebaran thought back to his own conversation with Wilfred Leighton when Edwina was in hospital and realised that he already knew at least one answer to the puzzle. Wilfred Leighton had been involved, as well.

After Edwina's statement that she was sure her husband would work to find answers, Aldebaran responded shortly, "Lupin won't have much luck with that, I think."

Edwina was surprised and it showed in the way that she bit her lip as she asked, "Oh. Why not?"

"Because of what he is. I certainly wouldn't tell him any Shipley family secrets, Edwina."

"But this is important, Aldebaran. I have to know."

Aldebaran nodded and said in a softer tone, "I know, Dolly. And you will. _I_ will investigate this."

Edwina flushed with pleasure, but after a moment said plaintively, "You're so busy, Aldebaran. You and Angelica are getting married in two months and you have your law practise and…"

"And my cousin needs my help. I'm not doing it for your pet wolf, Dolly, but for you." Aldebaran pointedly handed her a handkerchief and thought through the contents of the office tea cupboard before he conjured up several biscuits from it for Edwina to eat. "You look very thin, Dolly. Does he have enough food for you?"

Edwina nodded and said only, "For now."

Aldebaran held out his wand towards his Quick Memo Parchment and gestured roughly with the point until the memo was written out and then vanished it onto his assistant's desk. That should take care of another few weeks worth of supplies for the Lupin larder until he could have a talk with the werewolf about how a wizard cares for his wife.

"Eat that up and then I'll take you to lunch somewhere. Sound good?"

"Yes, that sounds wonderful. I'm supposed to see Great-Aunt for tea later."

Aldebaran thought grimly that this was one more good meal she was assured. Perhaps he had better contact the probate panel for Aunt Carina's will again. He wasn't the jurisconsultary wizard handling the probate, but he had carefully manoeuvred connexions with several of the panel judges in order to assist his cousin's inheritance in coming.

"So did you lose all your plants when you were gone, Dolly?"

He knew that would keep her busy for several minutes, but since he didn't really need to know the answer he could think. He wanted to work through what he needed to do next.

Before he confronted Wilfred Leighton, he needed to gather more facts. Jonathon Whorley had already told him that Wolfred Leighton had taken several interesting objects from the Leighton home before he left. From what Jozef Esterhazy had told him, Aunt Carina's suicide had looked clean but smelt foul. There hadn't been any evidence to the contrary, but for Aunt Carina to take her _own_ life had been hard to believe. A more narcissistic, power-hungry woman Aldebaran had hardly known. Even his own mother, who Aldebaran thought with pride could out manoeuvre half of England with her machinations, had found her sister Carina objectionable.

It had been Aldebaran's contention from the beginning, as well as his mother's and older sister's, that Wolfred Leighton had murdered Aunt Carina. The marriage had been unhappy and abusive on every level. Both Edwina's parents hated each other with their only tempering influence being their daughter. Aldebaran thought it conceivable that Aunt Carina had found a lover and Uncle Wolfred had killed her out of spite. But even more likely Aunt Carina had picked another fight and Uncle Wolfred had finally killed her to shut her up.

All of this speculation wasn't getting him anywhere and Edwina was almost finished her happy warble about Simplex and Epidex level plants. He had to quickly marshal his thoughts and figure out what he needed to do that afternoon. Etienne had a lead on two English wizards hiding in Brittany. Therefore he should call Fabian and arrange for the three of them to go over to Renne the next day. Today he would go to Gringott's and speak with his firm's goblin representative as well as the Shipley's banking goblin and settle some funds for Angelica to use for whatever silly frilly thing she needed to purchase for yet another dress or cake and take out enough for the series of bribes Aldebaran could foresee he would need to make.

Then he would pay a visit to Aldred Warrington and begin this investigation properly. Aldebaran turned to Edwina and said after she popped the last mouthful of biscuit into her mouth, "Angelica, who I'm afraid has no tact my dear, is concerned that you might need a second fitting for your dress robes."

Edwina narrowed her eyes and spoke with some heat to Aldebaran's sheer satisfaction, "Well if her robesmaker cannot make the necessary adjustments for me when I'll _only_ be five months anyway, I would not be surprised. Honestly, dress robes in puce! What robesmaker with any dignity would even offer such a thing when they must know that all brides are positively demented when selecting gowns for bridesmaids?"

Aldebaran laughed with pure delight and said, "I thought I would be the dutiful fiancé for a change and pass her concern on."

"No you didn't. You knew what I'd say. You're despicable, Aldebaran." Edwina was smiling widely and kissed his cheek as he wrapped her up in his spare beaver fur cloak.

"That I am, my dear, but don't you love me anyway?"

Edwina snorted and walked toward the door with Aldebaran's hand on her shoulder.


	25. Chapter 25 Full Moon

Chapter 25

Remus looked up at the claw-like hand of the large black clock on the wall. It still pointed to "Not quite yet" so he put his head back down and returned to reading the fourth and (thankfully) final volume of _Teren de Vânătoare_. He really wished that he could consult with Valentin about some of what he was reading, but of course he couldn't let Val know that this book even existed, let alone that he had it. It was a pity, since Val would have spent almost 11 years living _bestial_ by now. Remus had only lived _bestial_ for six months, which was not nearly long enough to know what would happen to a werewolf living _bestial_ long-term.

Remus heard a soft click as the clock hand moved and saw that it now pointed to "Very nearly", so he stood up and stretched his legs. He didn't like the implications of what he had been reading. Despite the plan that he had made, he was no longer sure that he should allow himself to try to enter that world again. If he returned to that life even for a few weeks just to gather information that might come in useful against Voldemort, how would he be with Edwina afterwards? The feral instincts never truly left him, but once he allowed them to take control again, even for two weeks…

Remus traced a finger over the letters of the 'Sator' magic square as he thought back to that era of his life. It had been almost 9 years since he had last encountered his beast head on. Nine years since he had even uttered the commands, except to tame. And just a little more than 9 years since Grimelda had left him begging on his knees in that dingy hotel in Targu Secuiesc. Left him for his best friend because Valentin was not afraid to summon the monster within, whereas Remus had only wanted to banish it. He could still hear her laughter as she taunted him, calling him a castrated, toothless old dog and telling him how much better Val was at keeping her satisfied.

Remus wiped his face with one shaking hand and wondered why he was thinking of her now. She had led him by the nose, demanding more and more of him, and never giving him anything but her body no matter how hard he worked for her love. Why he had loved her no one had understood, not even himself. Perhaps it was part of the enchantment of her veela half; perhaps it was because he had been soul-crushingly lonely for so long. But Valentin had killed her only a year after they had fled to Iceland and of course Remus had stopped loving Grimelda long ago, so none of it really mattered anymore.

The only thing that did matter was how the scars from that time affected how he treated Edwina now. That era of his life had been incredibly dark, in contrast to his marriage to Edwina, which until a month ago had been absolutely wonderful. He had never been convinced that it would last, despite the fact that Edwina appeared to adore him. He knew that much of his insecurity about Edwina was directly related to his disastrous love affair with Grimelda.

The clock hand moved to "Right Now", so Remus quickly ran a slightly sweaty hand through his hair and absently straightened his robes as he walked out of the library and into the hall. He heard her voice call out to him and thought that he had not heard anything sweeter all day. As he entered the sitting room with a smile, he felt his heart jump with joy at the sight of her. The memories of Grimelda and that horrible time suddenly seemed very far away.

Edwina ran forward and tossed her arms around his neck saying, "Hello Remus! I had no idea I would be so late. I hope you weren't worried."

After properly demonstrating just how much he had missed her, he asked gently, "Were you with your Great-Aunt this entire time?"

"No, I went to see Aldebaran first. I'm famished. Do you want to eat something?"

Remus looked somewhat bemused, since he was sure she had just come from a meal with her Great-Aunt, but said only, "Yes I would. I haven't eaten since breakfast."

Startled, Edwina pulled back from his embrace and asked, "You haven't? Why ever not?"

Remus, who had been waiting to eat dinner with her and had made a habit for years of skipping his lunches on Tuesdays and Thursdays to save money, did not answer her question. He merely smiled down at her and said, "Come on then. I believe that we have some ham and eggs at least."

* * *

Edwina was awakened by a loud thump and immediately sat up in the bed. What she saw was her husband, bare-chested and wearing only a pair of extremely filthy trousers with his arms and chest covered in deep red welts, leaning against the bed post as he heaved deep, shuddering breaths. He looked as if he might fall over from exhaustion. Edwina immediately leapt out of the bed to stand beside him and asked, "Are you ok? What can I get for you?" 

"I am fine. Just tired. I need to rest."

Edwina had by now noticed a strong, unpleasant animal odour coming from him and had to force herself not to make a face as she asked, "Did you want some breakfast?" Or a bath….

As if he had heard her thoughts Remus said in a deep, hoarse voice, "Perhaps I should take a bath. I know what I must smell like."

Edwina lied with an earnest face, "It doesn't bother me. It looks like you need to rest."

Remus, who had recently received a ruthlessly honest account from Sirius about exactly how a werewolf smelt after the full moon, grimaced as he lay down on the bed. He was far too tired to worry about it now if she wasn't going to press the matter.

When he awoke it felt as if he had only just closed his eyes for a few minutes. He would be thoroughly exhausted for several days, but the 12 hours after full moon were the worst. He reached for his wand, yet he could not feel it under his pillow where it should be. Sudden, wild fear gripped him as he sat up and looked around for his wand. Then he felt something hard press against his hip as he moved to get up and realised that he had never taken the wand from his pocket. The primal protective instincts died back down as Remus inwardly cursed the animal inside him that clearly still ruled his thoughts. What was it he had feared anyway?

"What is wrong, Remus?"

He turned his head and looked down at where she was lying next to him. "Nothing. I am still adjusting."

She sat up and peered at him curiously. "Your tattoo thing moves."

Remus cleared his throat before he answered, "Yes, it does move when the wolf is not asleep. The days right before and after the full moon you may notice the _stigmat_ come alive, but hopefully not at any other times."

"So the tattoo is like a warning?"

"No. If it were a warning it wouldn't be on my back where no one can see it, Edwina." Remus closed his eyes and leaned back against the headboard to rest for a moment. "The _stigmat_ is part of the Control, Winnie. It guides me in the Mastery and it helps me focus the unrestrained natural magic so that I can use it." He paused and moved his neck to stretch the sore muscles. "You see, just like animagi one does not use a wand for the Control, Winnie." Remus finally opened his eyes and looked to see her reaction. "I can feel it move and it tells me what my beast wants. It is complicated." Remus slid back down in the bed with a sigh and thought how very little he wanted to get up at all.

Edwina could see that he looked very ill and miserable from exhaustion. He had told her the night before that all he would want to do was sleep and eat a little meat, but she wished that she could do more to help him. "Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Not right now. I want to wash this stench off me and eat something." Remus forced himself to get up out of the bed and grabbed the bedpost for support once more.

"I'll go run the water for you."

"Thank you. I'll be there in a few moments."

Edwina hurried into the bathroom and found the box of Madame Beasley's Skin Soothing Soak that she had seen the day before on the cupboard shelf. She remembered her mother using Madame Beasley's Skin Soothing Salve after Edwina had accidentally stuck her hand inside a trollywollop's burrow when she was a small girl. Madame Beasley's had done wonders, Edwina thought as she poured another few shakes of powder into the water for good measure, hopefully this powder was as effective as the salve. His skin had looked as if he'd been attacked by an entire clan of trollywollops. As Edwina stood up to put the box back on the shelf she saw Remus standing in the doorway looking at her.

"Trollywollops, wasn't it?"

Edwina was startled and stammered, "Y-yes, I told you that story?"

"You did, when you bought me that powder."

"Oh."

"I did something similar when I was nine. Fair Isle pixies. I thought I saw a beautiful butterfly and reached out with both hands to grab it."

"Oh my! You're lucky you didn't lose a finger."

"Yes and I've never much liked butterflies since."

Edwina returned the smile that he gave her and said softly, "I'll see about some food. Do you still want the cold beef?"

Remus jerked his head in response, "Nothing hot, please."

After Edwina had left the room, Remus dropped the trousers to the floor and stepped into the bath. It had been hard enough going through this stage with her the first time, when he had felt more secure of her. Introducing her to this side of his condition so soon after their reconciliation had worried him immensely. But so far she had handled it as well as she had before.

As he eased his sore, weak body into the overly hot water, Remus thought how wonderful it was to have her back with him. Immediately he berated himself. That was a silly, trite thought. What she meant to him couldn't be voiced or described. The deep despair he had endured during the last full moon when it seemed she was lost to him had been almost unbearable. Now with the wound from that desperate fear just starting to scab over, Remus wondered how things would go over the next few weeks as they worked to build the foundation for whatever their relationship would come to be.

Remus lay very still in the bath and listened to Edwina walking quickly down the hall again. He knew exactly what she was doing. She had stripped the bed of the sheets and was now hurrying to put another set on the bed hoping that he wouldn't notice.


	26. Chapter 26 Building up

**Note: **I really appreciate everyone that has been reading my story. We are nearing the close. However, I just wanted those of you who have expressed an interest in the companion piece for this story (the other portion of the challenge – S. Snape's marriage) to know that I'm not sure what is going to happen with that piece. I will have to sort out if the story can be salvaged or not, since my incorrect assumption regarding Snape's parentage affects a surprising amount of the storyline. Although I am not worrying about making the Lupin story fit HBP, since I began posting it before the book came out, I will _not_ post an AU story for Snape. One more caveat, since Snape is a dark, angry, and bitter sort of man his story is, as well. There is quite a lot of violence and unpleasantness in his relationship with his wife and no apologies are made for either her silliness or his unkindness. In other words, there will be absolutely no fluff between Snape and his wife. The revelations in HBP won't be changing this for the better either, I'm afraid. It is frustrating, since I have already written the story and it is much longer than this one, but I may not post it after all. We shall see.

**FairlightMuse, Emmy, and Julian:** Thank you all for such wonderful reviews. You lot really made my day! Also, FairlightMuse, I agree that my summary is rubbish, but sadly I cannot seem to come up with anything better that is short enough to fit.

Chapter 26

Remus pressed the metal tip of his stick into the ground as he trudged forward and thought with irritation that the cane was doing him little good, since the turf was more like a sponge due to the rains. As he hobbled along after the giant mastiff, who despite the cold was greatly enjoying a rare walk with his master through the Cornish countryside, Remus allowed his mind to wander even further away to where he would be going in a few weeks' time. He had allowed himself to be talked over. He knew that there was no one who could search out the information they needed, except him. There weren't any other werewolves, tame or otherwise, in the Order and this was a condition that no disguise could provide for a spy. The others would know and would be only too happy to rectify the situation with a friendly bite.

As Remus stepped over a very dead rabbit that Blackie had unaccountably missed, he felt a wave of fierce anger that he had no options. His life had been filled with a succession of situations in which he had no choice, but he was used to it by now for himself. It was for Edwina that he cared and he was finding it increasingly distracting to be constantly pushing back his strong protective urges. The beast inside wanted to guard the prized possession: she was his alone and he had to keep her happy and safe at any cost. It even angered him that the wizard, who refused to allow his mind to class his wife as a mere possession, and the animal, which could not see her as anything else, were pitted in battle. He should be used to this sort of struggle after almost 30 years as a werewolf. But he was a wizard above all else, so the wolf would lose.

Remus wandered across the wide expanse of what would be the vegetable garden in spring. Without realising that he was speaking aloud, he muttered to himself in the language that his beast knew best as he looked up at the house. He should give Edwina at least another hour with her friends before he returned. Despite the fact that both girls were trying very hard to renew their friendship with Edwina and therefore had accepted Edwina's insistence that they must at least try to be civil to him, Remus didn't feel any desire to have to deal with either Sophie Westerhall or Elspeth MacDougall. The pain from the change this month had filled him with a streak of pure cussedness, which could easily lead to him say something he didn't really mean. Therefore he had told Edwina that it would be better if he let her have the house to herself.

The words of his thoughts switched into English as he remembered their disagreement that morning. They had argued briefly because he had refused to give her friends either the necessary apparation points or the floo directions to the house. Edwina had been unwilling to accept that her own friends could possibly be any security risk to either of them. Remus smiled to himself slightly, despite his irritation that she honestly didn't understand the danger of their situation, because it had done him good to see her so alive. She had stomped her foot and even waved her wand at him with a threat to serve him _fully_ cooked meat for several days and eventually, when it had been clear that she had lost the battle, had told him that he was a paranoid madman before acquiescing. Her parting shot as she had walked out to the glasshouse had been a threat to serve a vegetarian soup for dinner, which had surprisingly had the effect of causing Remus to laugh. She seemed to find his disgust for more human food closer to the full moon somewhat amusing just like Sirius and James had done years before. Remus smiled as he remembered the bacon and ham breakfast that Sirius had made for him the first full moon they spent together after Sirius' return. It had touched him deeply that Sirius had actually remembered.

Remus could feel the weight of the small package in the right front pocket of his robes. Thinking of Sirius had brought his mind back to the little object that had so wounded his pride, which was not a good plan. He had already spent the first 4 miles of this walk working through his unreasonable feelings of betrayal over the stupid necklace. He shouldn't have been surprised. Where else would Edwina have turned for help in selling her jewellery? She would have thought it very likely that Sirius could tell her where to go. Sirius did not look precisely respectable and Edwina had been somewhat enamoured of him beforehand. Remus couldn't believe that it had never occurred to him that Sirius had the necklace. Of course Edwina would not have known that Sirius had simply tossed the pink dragon-skin case into a drawer and given her his own money. But how had she thought Sirius was going to manage the sale when he was restricted to his house?

The moment after Remus saw the slender necklace case in Sirius' hand was the first time that he had ever raised his hand against Sirius Black. Even stranger was that Sirius, who clearly had expected exactly that reaction, had allowed it. When he had left Grimmauld Place two hours ago, Remus had been lost in a swirl of anger, confusion, guilt, and even relief. He had detested that his wonderful girl had been forced to give up all of her beautiful things to live with him in his old, run down cottage. He would never have been able to buy her anything like the Hreidmarian-made necklace with the diamond encrusted larrow bird designed to lay across her delicate neck so perfectly. Now he would be able to give it back to her at the comparatively cheap price of his pride.

Remus saw the side door to the cottage open and Edwina walk outside and start down the pathway towards the glasshouse. Blackie stopped his impassioned sniffing of a dirt mount, which Remus suspected was a vormweazle burrow which meant he would have to come back later that week with some Wigby's Garden Spray for Earth-dwelling Pests, and ran with giant bounding steps towards his mistress. Remus followed the dog across the garden, keeping his eyes fixed purposefully on his wife. He ought to give the thing to her now, since the longer he ruminated about it the angrier he would get. Remus knew that he was being ridiculous and unfair towards both Sirius and Edwina about the necklace. No matter how much he hated that she had to make sacrifices for him, it had been her sacrifice to make.

As he grew close enough to speak, Remus could see that Edwina had been crying. He rushed forward, ignoring the shooting pains in his left leg, and put his arms around her gently. "What is wrong, my love? Didn't you have a good afternoon with your friends?"

"Yes and no. I think I'm just tired, really. I don't know why but when they were here I felt rather cross with Elspeth, who hasn't done anything wrong at all. Then I ticked Sophie off about the need for safety when she complained about the additional precautions and security wards they went through to get here, when you know that I had just argued with you about exactly what she said!"

Remus frowned and gestured that they should move inside the glasshouse where it was warmer. "I am sorry that I cannot make it easier for your friends to visit, Winnie, however we cannot risk anyone else knowing how to get here. That was why I asked you before and again recently not to even tell your family how to find the house. I have too many enemies." Remus looked intently down at his wife to gauge her reaction.

Edwina, whose facial expression demonstrated that she was still feeling very irritable, shrugged her shoulders and walked away from Remus to check on the roots of the large _adelphernium trelixas_ plant that was still devouring a small mouse that Edwina had fed it earlier that morning. "I understand that, Remus. We've discussed this and I admit that you are right. Don't push me about it, please." Remus watched her stun the plant's pincer leaves and then turn the plant upside down and vigorously shake it loose from the pot. "I am glad they came, but it isn't the same anymore. I suppose school friendships never are after one leaves school." Edwina smacked the large green clay pot down on the stone table and pointed her wand at the now exposed roots of the plant that she was holding aloft. "Sophie is so excited about marrying that gormless muggle, with whom she's been in love since she was 5. I'm sure he is a very nice man, well I know he is since I've met him a dozen times, but he is dead dull, Remus. She's tried to explain to us what he does, something to do with cars, muggle stuff, I suppose."

Remus nodded and said carefully, "Sophie is muggle-born, Winnie, so it probably makes sense to her. It is uncommon for a witch to marry a muggle man, but it certainly has happened. There is no reason she couldn't be happy."

"Oh, I know that and I'm glad for her. Thom thinks that Sophie is the greatest thing since sugar quills or he would if he knew what they were. I just felt so distant from them both today and it hurt, so I felt rather grumpy, I suppose."

Remus thought that he knew what he meant, but didn't say anything in response. He was waiting to see if she wanted to discuss her friends more or if he could safely change the subject. When Edwina moved to repot the _adelphernium trelixas_ in its green pot, Remus sat down on a chair in front of the potting table. "Winnie, I have something to give you."

Edwina looked up at him in surprise and said expectantly, "Yes?"

"I went to visit Sirius before I took Blackie out. He gave me this."

Remus pulled his hand out from his pocket and placed it on the table with his fingers still clutching the pale pink case. Edwina stared for a moment and then said slowly, "Did I give it to Sirius to sell?"

Remus nodded, but said nothing.

"So he only pretended to sell it, didn't he?" Edwina did not need to look at his face for confirmation. "You're furious with him, aren't you?"

Remus laughed shortly and said in a deep, gruff voice, "Quite, but I shouldn't be. It was your right to sell it."

Edwina sighed and walked over to the piscine-basin to wash her hands. "You might as well give it back to him, Remus."

Remus stared at her back and said, "He doesn't need a diamond necklace, Winnie. It is yours."

"If this necklace is going to cause trouble between you and me or between you and he then it really isn't worth it. We can't afford to give him back his money, so give him back the necklace."

Choking on frustration with her for making this even harder and disgust with himself because he knew she was right, Remus snapped, "Sirius and I have already sorted ourselves. If _you_ don't want it then I will take it back, but I won't return it on my account. That is ridiculous."

Edwina was now facing him with her hands leaning against the edge of the potting table. She spoke very gently, but he could see that she was angry with him, "It is just a necklace, Remus. I did love it especially well, since my father bought it for me. However I want you far more, don't you know that?"

Remus knew how ludicrous his feelings were and made one last final push to convince both himself and her, "I want you to have it, Winnie. I don't want you to lose anything because of me. Don't indulge my foolishness, darling, please." Remus stood up from the chair and took two steps forward to where she was standing. He had left the necklace case on the table and was now holding her restless hands in his own. "Do you understand, Winnie?"

Edwina nodded, but she said very clearly, "You do not have to crush your pride to make me happy, Remus. That isn't good or right or fair to me because I would never want that."

Remus smiled stiffly and said in a shaken voice, "I know. You are right, but what would make me happy would be to see you wearing it. That is honestly what I want."

Remus released her hands and searched her face. He saw her hesitant smile and turned around to pick up the necklace case. Once he had opened it and pulled out the exquisite, thin platinum chain, he leaned forward and tried to hook the necklace behind her neck as she held her hair aside. It took him several tries to successfully manage the clasp by which time a lopsided, self-depreciating grin had begun to form across his face.

Edwina saw the genuine smile on his face that reached even to his eyes and dropped her hair down over the clasp as he pulled back his hands. She touched one hand to where the larrow bird was resting on her collarbone and then stood up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."


	27. Chapter 27 The Nursery

Chapter 27

Edwina stared down in despair at the bundle of rags that was lying on the ottoman in front of her. There was no way that she would be able to remake a decent robe from the tattered mess that Remus had tossed onto the floor in disgust that morning. The odd tucks along the back of the robe and the pleat along the edge of a very wide sleeve told her that this robe had been purchased in Eastern Europe, nowhere else had sold pleated sleeves for thirty years, which probably dated its purchase to at least nine years ago when he was in Romania. Knowing Remus, he had probably avoided washing it, as well, so it was really quite amazing that it had lasted this long. It was pointless to sew the stupid thing; it was only fit to be used for Lunessa's bedding in the owl cage.

It had taken all of her persuasion skills to convince him to purchase the new black robes that he was going to wear to Aldebaran's wedding the following weekend. He didn't like wearing black for everyday robes, apparently, and despite the fact that a wedding called for dress robes, Remus refused to spend money on dress robes to wear only once. He had agreed to purchase formal day robes, which he would then wear for everyday. Edwina gritted her teeth in frustration. It wasn't as if many wizards didn't wear formal day robes. Her own father had, in fact. But they were terribly difficult to keep up if one didn't have a house elf. Since her mother's house elf had been left to her aunt, Edwina had no prospect of having house help. Now she would have to clean a formal day robe twice a week. But the alternative had been to allow Remus to purchase plain everyday robes for the wedding, which would have been utterly mortifying for Edwina. The compromise, however, had really not pleased anyone.

Despite the fact that they were no longer living in complete poverty, Edwina had come to understand only too well the warning that Remus had given her over two months before about how hard it would be to live without any money. He had also been right in telling her that it would be hard to live with him. Although he was gentle and kind and very understanding, he had a will of iron and an almost arrogant determination to do what he thought was right. If their opinions of what was right and proper differed, Edwina was very unlikely to convince him that he was wrong. Even more frustrating, his ability to understand her feelings meant that all too often he could predict how she would think, so during disagreements he would have already thought out thoroughly unanswerable responses to her arguments. Edwina smiled down at the pile of rags in front of her and thought that he really was rather wonderful despite being the most exasperating wizard of her acquaintance.

Edwina pushed the ottoman away from her and stood up with a sigh. He would be home soon and for some reason she wanted to look her best today. He had been extremely excited that morning about her appointment that afternoon with the foetological healer. They had been assured that it was finally safe for the spell to determine the baby's sex to be performed, so she had submitted to the uncomfortable test that afternoon. Edwina had privately hoped for a girl, but she suspected that Remus desperately wanted a son. He had never said anything, of course, but Edwina had overheard a conversation between him and Sirius that had left little room for doubt about what Remus really wanted.

Edwina walked down the hall into their bedroom and sat down at the new ebony-inlaid cherry dressing table to brush out her hair. As she slowly pulled the brush through her hair she began to worry about what Aldebaran had been doing in Brittany for the last three days that had Remus so concerned. She knew that it had something to do with her father's disappearance because nothing else would make the two of them willing to form a truce. However, she didn't know why they were keeping the investigation a secret from her and she was still very unhappy about being left out. Five weeks before, Aldebaran had returned from another trip to Brittany and spent several hours angrily discussing something with Remus without allowing Edwina to hear any of what was said. Remus had been unusually gruff for several days afterwards and had refused to talk to her about her father or his conversation with Aldebaran, which had precipitated the most serious fight that she and Remus had ever had.

Edwina set down her silver hairbrush on the shiny surface of her dressing table and got up from the pretty, pink silk-covered chair and walked out of the room and down the hall. After a quick look at the library clock, she stopped at the end of the hall and waved her wand. Where there used to be a wall, there was now a very narrow, steep staircase that curved up towards an upper storey. She walked up the stairs carefully. Her balance was no longer as good as it should be. Remus had asked her not to walk upstairs unless it was strictly necessary; however, unbeknownst to him she had been going up to the baby's room every afternoon for two weeks. She liked sitting in what was going to be the nursery and thinking forward to after the baby's birth.

Remus had been working on the baby's rooms for almost three weeks now. He had cleaned down the walls of both the bedroom and the nursery and had begun a series of carvings along the long wall of the nursery. Edwina had never seen runic carving done and had enjoyed watching him work the spells that slowly traced the letters into the oak panelling. She knew that the nursery had once been the lady's bedroom, which was why the walls had not been stained as dark as the rest of the house, and why there were no carvings of unpleasant monsters or doomsday battles. Remus had told her that the room had once been hung with tapestries that had been made by various generations of Lupin women. Unfortunately the tapestries had been sold off along with almost all of the other furnishings in the house by Remus in order to pay for his living expenses when he was at university and after.

Edwina sat down in the large yellow chair with the delightfully squidgy cushions that Remus had bought the week before for her. He had thoughtfully placed it beside the window so she would be able to look out at the garden when she sat with the baby. She had wanted Remus to paint the room a nice light colour, however he had refused. It seemed that painting the walls would interfere with some of the hygienic charms that he had cast on the walls. But once she put up pretty curtains, some nice pictures, and set up a cot she hoped that the room would seem lighter and more cheerful.

They had planned to look for furniture the next week, since they would know then what colour scheme was appropriate. Edwina wanted badly to purchase a new chair for Remus' library and a new desk for him in the sitting room. However, Remus had been unwilling to spend any more money on furniture for himself, despite the fact that they now had a decent sized pile of gold in the Lupin vault at Gringott's. Of course the money was really hers, since it had been her mother's money, but Edwina understood Remus' arguments and consented to save their money for the future. They had to consider that Remus had no future prospects for a real career and the baby was eventually going to need clothing, school supplies, a wand, tuition money for Hogwarts, and possibly a broomstick for quidditch. Although he had never said as much, Edwina understood that Remus was very afraid that something would happen to him and wanted to be sure that Edwina and the baby would be well cared for if he were killed or imprisoned.

When Edwina awoke it took her several seconds to understand where she was. The room was dark, since there were no lamps yet in the nursery, and there was no longer any light streaming in from the window. She stood up and stretched her very stiff muscles and then walked out into the upstairs hallway. Her footsteps echoed as she walked along the bare floorboards to the stairs. She was still alone in the house and Remus had promised to be home at 6, which had to be long past by now. When Edwina reached the bottom of the stairs, she slipped quickly into Remus' library so that she could look up at his clock. The ugly claw hand pointed to "Very Nearly." That was very odd, since this was where it had pointed several hours ago when she had gone upstairs for a quick look into the nursery. Edwina wondered what had happened to detain him and then realised that she was quite unbearably hungry. Extremely irritated that Remus would be late when she had thought he would be so excited to get home to hear the news, Edwina started to leave the library to get some dinner, but as she reached the door she heard the clock hand move. When she looked at it again, the claw was quivering beneath the words: "Right Now."

Edwina stalked down the hall and entered into the sitting room. Remus was not there. Even more annoyed, Edwina marched down to the kitchen in time to see Remus closing the door behind himself. Blackie, who had been sleeping next to his food bowl in the kitchen, sleepily raised his head to look at his master, but Edwina sharply asked, "Where have you been? Couldn't you have owled or flooed or something?"

Without looking at her, Remus waved his wand at the door lock and growled, "Have you eaten?"

Edwina took two steps closer and said, "What does that matter? Where have you been?"

Edwina could see that Remus was very upset about something, but she still flinched when he said in a stone cold tone, "I have been busy. We are meeting Aldebaran at your family's home in a half hour. If you have not yet eaten then you had best do so now."

Edwina felt a boiling rage building inside of her. How dare he treat her like this? She had a right to know what was going on and where he had been. She had been extraordinarily patient and understanding about all the secret meetings and investigations that he and Aldebaran had been carrying on for two months now. Frankly, she was tired of it. "I'm not going anywhere, Remus. I don't know what it going on, but if you want me to cooperate you had better explain. Now."

Remus leaned back against the kitchen door and closed his eyes. "Would you please give me a minute? I will explain, but I need a moment."

Edwina was surprised at his reaction and stepped back. She did not move, but waited for him to speak. After several seconds he wiped his face with his left hand and then looked up at her. "Aldebaran came to visit me today. We have been discussing what we think is the right thing to do about your mother's murder. We have somewhat different opinions, but I think we have reached an agreement depending on your approval."

Edwina let out a slight gasp and said brokenly, "She was murdered then?"

Remus stepped forward and placed his hand on her arm. "Damn, that came out very wrong. I'm sorry, darling, I am not quite in control of myself at the moment. Come sit down, love, please."

Edwina allowed herself to be guided to a chair at the dark oak kitchen table and then asked in a whisper, "Is he alive?"

"Yes. Aldebaran has him at your family's house."

"You have seen him?"

"Yes. I was just there."

"He murdered her?"

Remus spoke with a rough, broken voice, "It was not premeditated. They had a row and he pushed her down the stairs."

Edwina swallowed a sob and asked, "Did Father even ask about me?"

Remus drew his brows together, obviously not having expected the question and said, "Yes. He talked quite a lot about you. He is very worried about you."

"But he still left me here alone. He still killed her and ran off."

"Yes, he did."

"And he did this to me, the memory loss, didn't he? He put me through that?"

Remus nodded mutely and ran his hand comfortingly along her cheek.

Edwina wiped away the tears on her cheek and pulled away from his hand. "Will I be able to see him?"

Remus nodded again and said, "He wants to see you, but he isn't going to tell you what he has done, Winnie."

Edwina asked, "How do you know?"

Remus thought about the unrepentant, angry wizard that he and Aldebaran had just finished questioning and said slowly, "I _don't_ know, but that is my opinion. But you have every right to ask whatever you want when we go. Aldebaran is waiting for two friends of his to arrive and will signal me when everything is ready. In the mean time, we will stay here, is that ok?"

Edwina leaned forward and allowed him to hold her tightly as she cried softly for several minutes. When she was finished, she stood up abruptly and walked over to the cold cupboard to take out the remnants of the last night's dinner. She had planned to make something nice, but she really didn't care anymore.

Remus walked up behind her and said softly, "I really couldn't contact you, Winnie. Aldebaran's visit was quite unexpected. I had to leave the warehouse early, in fact, and there was no time to owl once I was at your family's home."

"I suppose that is true. I was asleep, actually, so I didn't even realise you were late until a few minutes before you came home."

Remus took the bowl of soup from her and carried it to the countertop. "I didn't forget about your visit to the foetological healer today. I have been thinking about it all day. Do you want to tell me now, love?"

Edwina turned around to face him and said, "I thought you would be so happy. I wanted this to be a lovely night and we could have a romantic dinner and…"

Remus placed both arms around her and spoke softly into her hair, "I know, my love, in fact I had something special planned for you, too."

"You did?"

"Yes. I did."

Edwina snuggled closer to him and felt a little happier that he had been planning something nice for her. "Is it something that can wait?"

"Perhaps. Will you tell me what the healer said, love?"

Edwina looked up into her husband's face and read there the concern and hope that she needed to see. "He did two tests. He tested for the major _Homo lupus _proteins and…and he said that we are having a very healthy, very human son."


	28. Chapter 28 Tearing down

_For any French speaking readers: Je me rends compte que les traductions du texte français ne sont pas littérales. Je les ai écrites employant l'argot anglo équivalent pour donner la même signification._

_Also, for my non-British readers: Scouse is a dialect of English spoken in Liverpool._

Chapter 28

As they approached the base of the steps to the front door of 94 Westphalia Avenue, Remus felt the pressure on his arm suddenly change as Edwina unexpectedly stopped. He turned back towards her and saw that she was looking up at the front of the stately townhouse in front of them. He slid his hand around her shoulders again and asked gently, "Are you ready to go inside, Winnie?"

"I…I don't know."

"Aldebaran is waiting for us, love."

Remus was somewhat relieved to see the distant look in her eyes disappear as she looked at him and asked, "If I want to leave, if I don't want to stay at some point, may I go? Will you take me home?"

Remus cleared his throat worriedly and responded, "I will take you home, yes, but I will have to return. Aldebaran needs me in order to finish this."

Edwina had turned away from him again and was looking back up at a window that Remus realised must correspond with her old bedroom. "You…does that mean you will be gone long?"

"I think I will have to be gone most of tomorrow. You know I will return before tomorrow night, however." Edwina looked puzzled, so Remus reminded her gently, "I need to be certain that I am secured inside the room before the full moon, Winnie."

Edwina's eyes widened and her mouth formed a surprised "Oh."

"Aldebaran has already contacted your great-aunt. She is waiting up for you if you want to go there tonight."

Edwina shivered and said softly, "I wish you could be there."

Remus awkwardly stroked the hair that hung down her back and said gruffly, "Aldebaran cannot handle this by himself, Winnie, and he shouldn't have to."

Edwina suddenly straightened up and started walking purposefully through the dark and up the stone steps towards the imposing black front door. Remus began to reach for his wand to undo the locking spells that were on the door, but Edwina had already raised her own wand and traced a lazy circle around the handle. The door flew back on its hinges allowing Edwina to walk through. Remus followed her and closed the door firmly behind them.

"Aldebaran?"

Remus was surprised to hear the steely tone of Edwina's voice, but not displeased to see that she had decided to face her father with determination. "They are in your father's former study, Winnie."

Remus followed Edwina down the dark hall, both of them holding their lit wands aloft, so they could see well enough to walk. Once again he moved to reach around Edwina to open the door for her, but the door flew open at the flick of her wand. At first Remus could only see three wizards dressed in dark travelling cloaks, all of whom had their wands extended towards the far wall of the dimly lit room. The men had apparently turned their heads in surprise at the loud noise of the door banging against the wall. Yet almost immediately the two wizards on the left, who Remus did not know, seemed to realise that no one was watching their prisoner, so they turned back to face the far wall. The third wizard, Aldebaran Shipley, took several steps forward towards Edwina and said in a voice that was surprisingly gentle considering the fierce scowl on his face, "Are you ok, Dolly?"

Remus saw Aldebaran's eyes momentarily glance at him, so he nodded brusquely before Aldebaran turned his full attention back to Edwina.

"I am fine, Aldebaran. Hello Fabian." Edwina gave a tense smile to the tall wizard with the short, thick dark hair, who turned and nodded in greeting at Edwina.

Aldebaran spoke quickly as he gestured briefly at the other wizard, who had a very hooked nose and long white-blond hair, "You remember Etienne Tavoillot, don't you Dolly?"

Edwina looked incuriously at Etienne Tavoillot, who only turned around briefly to nod to Edwina before immediately returning his attention to the far wall. She said tonelessly to Aldebaran, "Let me see him."

Without waiting for Aldebaran to respond, both Fabian Lefevre and Etienne Tavoillot moved apart, so that Edwina and Remus now had a clear view of the man who was kneeling on the floor of the room. Edwina pushed past the two young wizards who were guarding her father and said angrily, "Bring him a chair." She turned to face her cousin and asked trepidatiously, "He is not armed? You are certain?"

Aldebaran merely snorted at such an obvious suggestion, so it was Tavoillot who responded in an almost impenetrable Burgundian accent, "No, we 'ave shecked 'eem ve-ery well, I zeenk. 'Ee cannot 'arm you, Madame Lupin."

Edwina extended her hand to her father to help him rise from the floor and said coldly, "I want you to explain it to me Father, explain how you could do this. I want to know how you could ever have betrayed me so."

Wolfred Leighton, who had not taken his troubled eyes off his daughter since he had first seen her enter, opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Attention, imbecile, il faut le libérer du charme!" _(You idiot, you have to release him from the spell!)_

In response to Aldebaran's command, Etienne Tavoillot tapped his wand on the top of Wolfred Leighton's head and said angrily, "Terminez!" before looking back at Aldebaran with a very sour expression.

Wolfred Leighton coughed and massaged his throat before he said, "I wanted to protect you, Dolly. I tried to keep you out of this. I never meant this to hurt you, little one."

Tavoillot hissed through his teeth, "Eh ben, j'en ai entendu assez, moi. Peut-on le tuer, cet espèce de salopard?" _(Right, I've heard enough. Can't we just kill this bastard?)_

Aldebaran looked equally nauseated as he pushed the requested chair towards Wolfred Leighton, since Remus had already pulled one forward for Edwina. As he shoved the abnormally hunched, shivering body of Wolfred Leighton into the chair, Aldebaran sneered, "I have already told you Leighton, give her the truth or we shall extract the answers for her."

Remus whipped his wand in several circles around Wolfred Leighton's knees as he harshly enunciated, "σχοινιά", causing several thick black cords to wind themselves around Wolfred Leighton's legs. Remus then dropped his wand to his side and growled, "Explain it to her, Leighton. She deserves to know."

Aldebaran, who had taken Remus' place behind Edwina, tried to press his cousin gently into the chair behind her, but she resisted. "Did you kill Mum?"

"I didn't mean for her to die, Dolly. I pushed her away from me, but the stairs were there, so she fell down them before I could catch her."

Edwina sank into the chair and leaned back into Aldebaran, who had placed his hands on her shoulders, as she asked weakly, "When did this happen?"

Wolfred Leighton reached out his hand and put it on his daughter's knee, "You weren't there. It happened when you were with him." Wolfred Leighton jerked his head toward Remus and continued, "Dolly, I _am_ sorry. I don't really regret your mother's death, although I know you think I should, but I truly didn't want you to be hurt. Unfortunately it had to be this way."

Edwina choked back a sob and said, "You didn't have to kill her. And you knew that it would be horrible for me when you took away my memory, didn't you? You must have known how frightening it would be for me. Why would you do that to me?"

"I wanted the best for you, Dolly. I know you think you love this creature, but I will never accept that you are living with a monster defiling you. There can be no real life with a werewolf, my dear. You will never have anything you deserve."

"That is not an answer!" Edwina could feel Aldebaran was going to say something, so she looked up and said, "No, Aldebaran, please." When she was sure that Aldebaran was not going to interfere, Edwina turned back to her father and waited for his response.

After several moments, Wolfred Leighton said forcefully, "It _is_ the answer, Edwina Sagitta. I wanted you to see him for what he _really_ is. No memory of whatever disgusting lies he told you. No recollection of any of the lures he cast out to convert you to his filthy lifestyle." Wolfred Leighton held up his hand to stem the comments, which he could see that Aldebaran and Edwina were about to make, but his gaze was locked on Remus. The animosity burned in Wolfred Leighton's eyes as he seethed with hatred toward his son-in-law. However, the depth of feeling was more than matched by the intensity of loathing that Wolfred Leighton and every other wizard in the room could see reflected in Remus' face.

"However he convinced you to think you were in love with him, I erased that. I hoped to undo the damage he had done to you, Edwina. Once you woke up and realised that you were in a werewolf's bed, I knew you would come to your senses. The Ministry would have annulled the marriage at your request and you would be free again. I wanted you to have something better." He made a gesture to indicate that Edwina should be quiet as he continued, "I thought that I could never be more ashamed of you than when I found that you had married this disgusting creature and sentenced yourself to the same squalid life he leads. But I was wrong. When Wilfred told me that you had gone back to the dirty beast, I realised that you were not the daughter I thought I had raised, Edwina Sagitta. I tried to save you from yourself, child."

Edwina sat staring at her father for a full minute before she turned to Remus and said shakily, "I think I have heard enough."

Aldebaran leaned down and spoke to his cousin, "Do you want to go home, Dolly?"

Edwina shook her head and continued to look at Remus. "What do you want me to do?"

Wolfred Leighton began to speak, but was interrupted when Fabian Lefevre recast the silencing spell on him. Then Lefevre spoke to Aldebaran and Etienne Tavoillot, a mild Liverpudlian accent betraying that his favourite curses were more probably in Scouse than French, saying "Je crois que la dénouement arrive, mecs. La cousine, elle doit décider, hein, Aldebaran?" _(I think that it's time, mates. Your cousin needs to make her decision now, right Aldebaran?)_

Edwina stood up unsteadily and took a deep breath before looking at her cousin and saying, "I asked, what is it that you want me to approve, Aldebaran? You want me to say that you should go ahead with your plan?"

Aldebaran looked at the sickly, florid face of Wolfred Leighton, who was struggling against the sticky black rope that was still binding him to the chair. "I think so, yes. Remus explained what we are going to do?"

"Yes. I don't like it, but I like the idea of turning Father over to the Ministry even less. I think that you are right. We should keep this within the family. It was my mother and your aunt, so we shall decide."

Remus asked gently, "You are sure, my love?"

Edwina turned to him and said in the most fragile voice that Remus had ever heard her use, "I don't know, Remus, but I see no other way. You think it is fair and Aldebaran agrees, so I will accept it."

"There is no turning back, darling."

"I know. But I won't have Father put in Azkaban and I won't have him killed." Edwina turned to her father and said softly, "Father? Please, look at me."

Wolfred Leighton stared up at his daughter with furious eyes. Edwina touched his face and said, "I do still love you Father. I hope you understand one day that you were wrong." Edwina abruptly turned to Remus and said in an almost hysterical voice, "I must go. Take me away from here."

Remus folded her in his arms and looked up at Aldebaran, "Nevin House. I'll be back soon."

Aldebaran lit the fire in the grate as Remus reached into the crystal jar on the mantelpiece to grab almost a whole fist full of floo powder.

As soon as the remaining four wizards were left alone in the room, Etienne Tavoillot asked angrily, "Merde, pourquoi ne pouvons-nous pas le mettre hors de sa misère, cette belette fétide?"_ (Damn, why can't we just put this bastard out of his misery?)_

Aldebaran laughed cruelly and said clearly enough that Wolfred Leighton could not miss his words, "No, Etienne, that would be missing the point, wouldn't it?"


	29. Chapter 29 A birth

Thank you all for the lovely reviews. Duj – Well spotted re Remus and responsibility – I absolutely agree! Emmy – I do think it would be impossible for someone to get tired of seeing a nice review in the inbox. FairlightMuse – What a delightful compliment. Thank you! Julian – Thank you on both accounts.

Only one more chapter to go, I'm sorry to say. Additionally, for those who are interested, the Snape story has been posted up through Chapter 9.

Chapter 29

As Edwina lay on the chaise longue, she tried very hard not to think about the rather incredible pain in her back. This whole baby thing was far more hassle than she had ever imagined. There were no potions, no special charms to be cast to give relief for the symptoms, since she was a Breochaidie. Therefore she had to lay still and continue to feel so utterly miserable that she really couldn't help it if perhaps her temper wore a bit thin. _He _was perfectly comfortable, of course, sitting on his favourite chair, usual enormous tome laid in front of him and smoking his stinking pipe. She hated that pipe. It really did smell up the entire room.

"Remus." He didn't lift his head from the page, so she spoke again more loudly, "Remus."

Edwina sat up slowly from her prone position and, as one hand caressed her lower back, she looked at her husband. His pipe had gone out, she could see that now. He wasn't reading the book.

All of her irritation was swept away as Edwina realised that he was thinking about it again. The first two weeks had been agony for them both. She had watched him battling grief that occasionally teetered on the verge of insanity and had anguished over how to best help him. He had alternately pushed her way and pulled her closer; either locking himself in his library or losing himself in her with a type of passionate love-making that frightened her in its very impersonality. She had allowed it to happen because it had been better than the cold politeness or the desperate, haunted man who sat for hours lost in a world of hopelessness. The very man, in fact, who was sitting on the chair in front of her now.

After those first few weeks, he had suddenly started to talk to her about it all. Everything. The stories, the jokes, the pranks. The times that he should have stood up to them, for he talked about both James and Sirius now, and the times that they stood up for him. It hurt her to see his self-loathing for how often he had seen his friends act irresponsibly, often for his own sake, and done nothing. But even worse was his desperately low self-esteem that was at the root of his willingness to overlook his friends' faults and to have such a profound gratefulness for their friendship. He had told her more in those turmoil-filled weeks of disclosure and confession than he had probably ever told anyone. He had even discussed Peter Pettigrew, but she would not think of _that_ now.

Eventually he had even talked about his family, including the rift between his aunt and his parents. The most horrible had been the guilt, the crippling, horrible guilt, which he felt for being the surviving twin. His parents had only one surviving child, a werewolf, which Remus did not seem to feel was acceptable. Edwina understood that Remus' parents had loved him deeply and both had done everything possible in order to make their son's life better, always doing more to give him the love that he still seemed to endlessly crave. Their deaths, he had not explained the circumstances but she had found out by the expedient of asking Sophie to do some research in old newspapers, must have been an unbelievably awful final blow to him. She could almost understand his choice to pursue the Control despite the fantastic risks. Almost.

She now knew about Grimelda Digliani. When he had told her he had been terrified about her reaction, as if his twisted love affair with a long-dead Italian part-veela were more horrible for her to hear than how he had almost killed a fellow student at Hogwarts. She had known that he had expected her to recoil in disgust, but had been merely angry that he had told her more detail than any woman ever wanted to know about her husband's past lovers. She had pitied him and finally thought she might have an understanding of why he reacted to her as he did. No matter what he thought, she _was_ the second choice. She was the better choice, she was not too modest to know it, but he would never have loved her if he hadn't first lost Grimelda. She was everything that Grimelda wasn't, which was obviously good but also rather sad. She was immeasurably glad to know about that time of his life, however. It had explained so much and made it easier to deny him on those nights when he seemed like a very different man, yet also easier to forgive.

Yet there were still moments when she would walk into the room, for it was usually when he had been alone for a few hours after she was in the glasshouse or with her friends, and find him lost to everything but his grief. She understood that he was not just mourning for his friend. She thought she did understand the complexity of his despair, but she did not accept that it was healthy for him to remain trapped in his depression.

She saw the twinge of pain in his face as he thought about some particularly nightmarish memory and suddenly realised that she had to get his attention immediately.

As she almost began to sick from the pain Edwina called out, "Remus, I need you."

The expression on his face as he turned to her unnerved her as she read fear. She didn't think that he had completely awaked from his unhappy daydreams.

"I think I need you to take me to St. Mungo's."

The thick black book fell to the floor with a loud thud as he stood immediately and crossed to where she was sitting. Edwina knew that she had to reign him in and explain. She didn't think that he remembered.

"The baby, Remus. It is time."

As she watched the realisation dawn on his pale, drawn face she could see her Remus returning to her from his place of anguish. "It's time? But it is too early."

For some reason she wanted to laugh at his bemused expression, but at just that moment a wave of incredible pain overtook her, so she could only pant heavily as he, understanding that debate was pointless, ran from the room to collect their cloaks.


	30. Chapter 30 Romulus

Note: My sincere apologies for the long wait for this chapter. I have been trying so hard to post as much of my other story as possible before term begins that I rather lost track of this chapter. I hope that it doesn't disappoint. I have greatly appreciated the support and kind reviews throughout.

Chapter 30

Remus ran his finger along the edge of the faded photograph in his hand as he watched his wife and son playing on the threadbare old carpet of their sitting room. He had been a father for almost four months, but the fact that he had a son was still completely surreal. He had never, not in his wildest dreams, imagined that this would be his life. He had never allowed himself to hope for anything so domestic, so normal, and so wonderful.

His son, Romulus, kicked his foot as Edwina tickled it and then laughed hysterically when she blew on his belly. Remus looked down at the old picture of himself and his twin, Romulus, after whom Remus had insisted on naming his son despite Edwina's reservations. He and his twin were both playing on this same carpet – only slightly less threadbare - with a pile of blocks. Their father was kneeling beside them, helping Rom to stack the blocks in a tower, whereas he could see himself watching Romulus and Father. Mother had once told Remus that he had followed Rom in everything. Rom had walked first and talked first. Rom had been stronger and faster at everything and Remus himself had been the faithful shadow. Therefore Rom's sudden and quick death of an aneurysm at 14 months had been a startling tragedy.

Remus looked at his son and thought how little he had understood what must have been his parents' anguish at losing one son only to later watch their remaining son suffer through lycanthropy. Remus had once thought that he could not care more for anyone or anything than he did for Edwina, but the deep, feral love that he had for his son was beyond description. Right and wrong simply didn't matter if his son's well-being were at stake. And unfortunately, this might become an issue.

Despite the comfortable tidings that the foetological healer had given Edwina before the baby was born, Romulus was _not_ a normal human boy. At birth he had an abnormally dense crop of hair, which had gotten thicker and curlier as he grew. He was also overly large and bulky. He had already gotten seven of his teeth, which was quite unusual for a fully human child of four months, and the teeth were atypically sharp.

However Remus' greatest concern was that Romulus was an aggressive baby. Signs of abnormal forcefulness and a temper were already evident. Often the only thing that could calm Romulus from a tantrum was his mother. Their son was unusually attached to his mother and seemed almost afraid to upset her. Remus hoped that this attachment would continue, since he foresaw serious behavioural problems as the boy aged if there were no tempering influence.

But for the moment their son was happily squealing on the rug and Remus could see the contentment in his wife's face. Edwina had suffered greatly after the birth of Romulus. Her frail Breochaidie body had not been able to withstand the birth of a 12 pound baby without sustaining major damage. Healer's spells and potions were restricted to the barest minimum, since she was already so weakened from the birth that she could not survive significant amounts of magic. Remus considered that as angry as they both had been at the Ministry's decision, perhaps it would be better for Edwina now that he could no longer have children.

The first three weeks after Romulus' birth had been terrifying for Remus. He had been unable to spend much time at the hospital, since he had to care for a newborn son with almost no previous childrearing experience, so he had been forced to rely on Aldebaran's reports and brief daily visits whenever Molly Weasley could watch Romulus. As Remus watched Edwina bend down to kiss Romulus' face, he muttered another prayer of thanks. He knew that he would have finally lost the plot, gone utterly mad, if she had died. Now that he had seen the effects of the Mens Rasura curse first hand, he was inexpressibly glad that his jealousy and need had not caused him to give in to Sirius' offer to help him perform the curse on Edwina to restore any possible remnants of her memory. As he felt the familiar pang of loss he always did when something reminded him now of Sirius or James, Remus looked up from his tightly clenched hands and saw his wife smiling up at him.

"Aren't you going to join us? Rom is in a wonderful mood. He seems to be giggling at everything."

Remus smiled and said in a husky voice, "I'm just happy watching you two."

Edwina smiled wryly at him and then turned to the baby saying, "Your Daddy is very silly, isn't he? Do you agree with Mummy? Go ahead and laugh at Daddy." Edwina ticked the baby again, causing him to squeal delightedly.

Remus laughed aloud at the teasing grin that his wife turned on him and got up from the chair. He then knelt beside the carpet and began crawling towards his son and growling.

Edwina leaned over and said softly, "Who's going to get Rom? Hm? Is that big, bad Daddy coming?"

Remus made a pouncing move with his hand and said, "Got you!" As he rolled over on his back and held his son up in the air above him he heard Edwina's delighted laugh and thought that no matter what happened in the future, he would never lose this memory.

He sat back up and leaned his chortling son against him as he said quietly, "Do you think he'll manage me bathing him?"

Edwina tilted her head to the side and said, "Well you're the wizard, clever clogs, cast another calming spell, Remus."

Remus nodded, but he hated the idea that he had to force his son to anything. But Winnie needed a rest. The baby's constant demand for her attention was wearing her down terribly.

"Molly is coming this week, you know. She wore me down."

Remus was pleased. "That is wonderful, darling. You know you need a chance to get a rest. You haven't left the house without Rom since you got back from hospital."

"That isn't true. You know that Sophie sits with him when we go to mass."

Remus frowned and said, "I meant that you haven't been able to do anything away from the home. Going to St. Aconius' is not quite the same, Winnie." Remus laid his hand on the baby's head and thought how amused Sirius would have been that Remus had been attending Edwina's church now for six months straight without any curse or spell forcing him. The thought made him smile, pushing away the initial stab of grief.

At first he had gone with her to church because he was still so lost after Sirius' death that he had simply done anything Edwina requested. The first time he had gone with her he hadn't even known where he was until the organ blared loudly, shocking him into standing with his wand raised in the middle of the processional hymn. However, once he had begun attending he had found it difficult to explain his reluctance to Edwina. Eventually, after she had deftly manoeuvred him to the church doors enough times that the vicar warmly greeted him by name, Remus had accepted that Sunday morning was reserved for the foreseeable future.

"I know what you meant. Angelica is taking me for a day at her favourite salon."

Remus grimaced and said, "Is she now?"

Edwina nodded and sighed wearily, "She's such a bore. I can't imagine what Aldebaran was thinking."

Remus replied with a smile, "Can't you?"

Edwina laughed briefly and reached to take Romulus from Remus' lap. "Yes, well, her looks _will_ fade, Remus, but she'll never grow a personality."

Remus raised his eyebrows and said, "That is rather harsh, Winnie. Not that I don't entirely agree. Aldebaran may regret his decision."

"You're right. I'm just finding it tiresome to deal with her. She tries so hard to make me like her. I'd like her more if she were just normal and didn't make up to me."

"Darling, she knows the influence that you have on Aldebaran. Most women would resent it. It shows some intelligence, at least, that she has realised that she cannot afford to alienate you."

"Oh, that's silly, Remus. Aldebaran wouldn't care what I thought of his wife."

Remus pulled their son back from Edwina's arms into his lap and stood up to walk with him around the room. As he lifted the little boy up into the air, he said, "Aldebaran Shipley cares very much what you think. He might not care if you like Angelica or even approve of her, but if Angelica made you even slightly unhappy, Aldebaran would not stand for it."

Edwina had also stood up and was watching him with an unhappy expression, "He must love her, Remus. He wouldn't put my happiness above his wife's."

"If that is what you believe, Winnie, than you do not know your cousin very well."

Edwina did not respond, but Remus knew that she was tacitly agreeing. Remus turned his head so he could look at her and said, "Speaking of Molly, she sent me another recipe for blended foods. She's concerned about Rom not having a balanced diet."

By the way that Edwina jabbed her wand at the rug to summon the baby's stuffed erumpent from the floor, Remus knew that she was irritated. "Well, you know that I've talked to two healers, Remus. Both of them say that if Romulus won't eat vegetables then he just doesn't eat vegetables. The specialist says that since you are a werewolf that some wolfish tendencies have to be expected."

"I know darling. I am not criticising. Molly's recipe is for a mixture of lamb and rice. She thinks that Rom may eat them if they are well blended. She wanted you to look at the recipe and if you approve, she'll make some for you to try."

"I've already tried lamb and rice."

Remus bent down and kissed his wife's forehead and said very gently, "She means well, Winnie. She just wants to help you."

"I know. She's trying to mother me and it is very kind. She has been wonderful to me."

Remus leaned in for a better kiss, holding Romulus tightly in one arm. "I love you, you know."

He saw Edwina's quick smile and kissed her again. She said slowly, "Mmm, that's good, since I'm mad about you, you silly wolf. I think I'm going to lie down. You want to put him to bed?"

"If he will let me."

"Somniculosus. Trust me, it works every time."

"That's a new one."

"Mrs. MacDougall says it is the only way that Elspeth lived to her first birthday, because Mrs. MacDougall would have committed infanticide if she'd had to put up with Elspeth's colic one week longer."

"I shall try it. Go get some rest, love."

"Good night, angel boy. Mummy loves you." Edwina kissed her baby's forehead several times and then moved as if to go. Then she turned around once more, planted a final kiss on the baby's head and smiled at Remus before finally leaving.

Remus could see that Romulus was staring after where Edwina had just disappeared, so he said softly, "Don't worry, son. Daddy is going to take you for your bath. You'll like that, won't you?"

The baby gurgled as Remus tickled behind his ear, a secret trick he had not taught Edwina. Remus smiled as he pressed his son against his shoulder and walked purposely from the room.

FINIS


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